Pryce-Darlings of Alderley Edge 2012

You will remember that Artemis wrote the Christmas letter last year as I was away at the time. I had to tell everyone I was on holiday but actually my friend Cyril and I were checking out the potential for New Caledonia as a holiday destination. We reckoned that the nouveau riche of the Far East would appreciate an unspoilt island just off Australia in the Pacific which until not too recently thrived on nickel and cannibalism. Mind you they do speak French so what do you expect! This is an on-going project so watch this space.

It’s hard to believe that we were plagued by drought in the Spring. Artemis rang me up to say that the water level in our lake was falling rapidly. It’s never done this before and we soon discovered why. Further up our lane live the Carstairs family. This retired major was on hard times until a year ago when his daughter won a small amount on the lottery. There is nothing worse than people who think they have class then getting their hands on some dosh and deciding to upgrade their pile of bricks to 20th century Ikea standards. As part of this plan they have dug out their own lake and this is taking all our water. Now I’m a man of the law and a man of peace but at times like this drastic measures were called for. Artemis has good connections through the building industry and we only need a small amount of explosive. We waited until all the fireworks were going off celebrating the diamond jubilee and with one extra bang the water was flowing freely again! With all the rain we have had since then I don’t actually think the Major was too bothered about losing a potential flooding hazard.

One side effect of this gunpowder plot was that Candida came round to see me. She had always liked forceful men.

Evidently the domestic lifestyle with Albert was playing havoc with her nails and her complexion. As I was getting fed up with living on Waitrose food we decided to give it another go.

I am sure many relationships have been founded on much more tenuous reasoning.

Albert seemed to be somewhat relieved that he no longer had any commitments and happily returned to his croft in the woods. Surprisingly Albert and I have become quite good friends over recent weeks.

So it was musical chairs once again. We moved back into the main house, Artemis and family moved back into the west wing and we did the lodge up and let it out once again.

Letting property has been the main income for Artemis this year. The rental market is going like a train as no one can afford to buy - apart from landlords, and once you have a few properties let out, then you have the security to buy a few more. Such is the way of the world.

Grace has been helping me with the New Caledonia project so I think her future is reasonably secure but I am worried about Favour. She is still in the nunnery in Monte Carlo but there are worrying reports that the Pope is investigating the setup there, as rumours have been circulating that her community is occupying a house of ill repute. We may have to get her out to New Caledonia a bit sharpish - cannibalism will hold no fears for her!

One major worry has been our young grandson. I always thought his name should be Seville after the city in Spain but his parents thought better and called him Saville. This name has now of course been dragged into the mud and a name change was obviously necessary.

Would one letter change be sufficient or should they go the whole hog and start from scratch? Well the parents decided to have a complete rethink. They began by looking up classical references to my son’s name Artemis, only to find that this name was in fact given to the Greek god of hunting and this god was female!

Artemis had been taught classics while he was at private school and no one had ever said anything.... I think there is some sort of message in that.

We had named Artemis after a pedigree stallion we once owned so I suppose we always assumed it was a male name. I always thought that horse was a bad investment.

So, were we going to have a double name change - or even a triple name change! I have never liked Henry as my first name, as from what I can remember Henry the 1st was born in Yorkshire and was named after a French king. I am sure that the other 7 Henry’s were not much better. Still I think I am stuck with mine now so it was to be a double name change at most.

Then my son decided that if everyone called him Art he would settle for that, and no name change would be needed for him. He just wouldn’t go to Greece for a holiday any time soon.

That just leaves the grandson where obviously something had to be done. Both Art and Fleur settled on Hugo but for me the only Hugo that sprung to mind was the dim witted son in the Vicar of Dibley! However, as before the younger generation know best so we now have a renamed grandson Hugo Sebastian Pryce-Darling.

Finally in the last few days Cyril and I have been upset by the news that our planned tax haven off New Caledonia has been rumbled. For several years we have been building up a reputation for Sandy Island in the Coral Sea. Until recently it could be found on Google maps and many other places but now some do-gooder has made public the fact that this island does not actually exist. There is only one better tax haven than a small tax free island and that is a virtual island where there is no chance of an uprising or other civil disturbance where money can be safely deposited away from the clutches of the world’s tax authorities. But we are not beaten yet, I think Antarctica looks a safe bet for frozen assets.

For the time being we would all like to wish you all that you wish yourselves. 2012 has been an eventful year and I see 2013 following in the same pattern.

We have had Olympics, Jubilee celebrations, drought and storms, domestic turmoil and international high jinx. Lets just hope 2013 is a little calmer.

Best Wishes,

Henry, Candida, Art, Fleur and Hugo.

Not forgetting of course our own golden girls, Grace and Favour.