Hydrant

My pet Fire Hydrant has had an amusing life, to the extent that it can be claimed to be alive. Now, most people don't actually have their own personal fire hydrant and tend to consider this concept rather odd. The most common question I get is "Where did you get that?" The answer, of course, is North Vancouver. (The answer to the third most common question, why I'd want one, is so obvious it doesn't bear mentioning here; the second, "Where are you going with that sir," varies.)

Once upon a time (December 1999), my parents asked me to generate a Christmas wish list. On the rare occasion that I actually want something, I tend to buy it, so this is a nontrivial task. I put "fire hydrant" on the list, as I didn't yet have one and thought it would be neat to have one around. They didn't find one (I don't think they tried very hard). The following spring, however, the water main on our street was replaced. I asked the workmen if I could have one of the leftover hydrants, and they agreed. A collector nearby had already asked for the other one. A backhoe deposited the slightly-used hydrant on my parents' driveway, in front of the garage. This surprised my parents, when they got home. They were unable to move it, due to its weight.

The hydrant weighs (86.8±0.2)kg (or 191lb), is made of inch-thick cast iron, and was forged at Terminal City Ironworks in Vancouver around 1970. It's possible to roll it on its edge, but that tends to leave grooves in the pavement. My parents never quite figured out how it got inside the house without destroying something. They firmly believed that fire hydrants were outdoor toys, and were thus not consulted on where to put it. It was made abundantly clear that Hydrant would move out with me, and it ended up doing exactly that shortly thereafter, at least for a few years. In 2002 I finally added casters, making it much easier to move, but adding 7.8kg.

This newfound portability allowed Fire Hydrant to roll for elected office. Because if you have a pet fire hydrant, that's the most obvious and logical thing to do with it. That's a long story that gets its own page.

Hydrant did not follow me to Japan, nor Germany. It would have had a great deal of difficulty at airport security, being manifestly not X-rayable, would have been quite unpleasant to haul to an upstairs unit in a building with no elevator, and would likely damage the floors. It plans to rejoin me when I rejoin North America and/or get a permanent position somewhere. No, you can't have it.