9.2 The non-verbal part of a spoken message.

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With the acquisition of speech- and language-competence the use of non-verbal messages is not relinquished. On the contrary, non-verbal or body language retains its value throughout life. Because its importance is usually underestimated, we will have a closer look at non-verbal communication as it is practised along with speech.

Map 9.2.1 Non-verbal, meaningful aspects of a spoken message

rational content

sender -> expressive aspect MESSAGE appealing aspect -> receiverrelational aspect

In any oral communication there is two-way traffic: we have a speaker (sender), a listener (receiver), and a brief message, e.g.: "Do you know that we start tomorrow at seven?". In the message that is transmitted we can discern the following aspects:

• the (rational or factual) content

• the expressive aspect; the speaker, by tone of voice and facial expression, betrays something about his feelings, e.g. that he demurs the early hour.

• the relational aspect; this reveals the degree and direction of authority between the two: which one is leader and which follower, who is the dominant person, who the submissive partner in the conversation. In the case of dominance the message sounds like an order, in the case of submission the non-verbal signs convey the message "I just want to remind you, Sir, in case you would have forgotten ...".

• the phrase can have an appealing aspect: the person to whom the message is addressed is invited to answer, or he is invited to show up at the appointed time.

The receiver has but a few moments to scan the message for [1] content, for [2] emotional meaning, for [3] relational signs, for [4] the presence of some sort of appeal. Probably more misunderstandings arise by misinterpreting the non-verbal signs than the actual words. When a non-verbal message is misunderstood it can be the beginning of endless complications. Well-meaning partners in communication will do their best to transmit their intentions in a clear an unambiguous way, and to listen with an open mind and full attention. Unfortunately it is proper to human nature to exploit all possibilities for deception during oral communication. In the common use of speech there are many unwitting attempts to gain "strokes" (rewarding effects) in devious ways. Such deceptive games have been studied seriously. In fact it is the diagnostic aim of Transactional Analysis (T.A.) to uncover them. T.A. as a method of therapy tries to redress such habits in favour of an adult game-free relationship. Interpreting the hidden expressive, relational and appealing messages in communicating with a patient, is indispensable to understand the transactional tactics of a patient. This is a valuable procedure to promote health since some kinds of functional disorders of the body depend on self-deception and misinterpretation of symptoms.

9.3 No language without chemistry.