Mark Kozelek

You Missed My Heart

Broke into her house, saw her sitting there

Drinking coke and whiskey in her bra and underwear

Saw him in the kitchen hanging up the phone

I asked him nicely once to pack his things and go

He gave her a reassuring look, said he wouldn't leave

But I asked him one more time, this time pulled out my sheath

Stuck him in the back and I pulled it out slow

And I watched him fall down as the morning sun rose

He looked at me

He said "You missed my heart

You missed my heart

You got me good

I knew you would

But you missed my heart

You missed my heart"

Were his last words before he died

Looking out the window up at the blue sky

Listening to her scream, listening to her cry

A feeling of relief came over my soul

I couldn't take it any longer and I lost control

I chased her up the stairs and I pinned her to the ground

Underneath the whimpering I could hear the sirens sound

I rattled off a list of all the things I missed

Like going to the movies with her and the way she kissed me

Driving into downtown Wheeling, showing her off

Backyard barbecues and reunions in the park

I said I missed her skin when she started laughing

While I clenched down on her wrists, she said "That's quite a list

But there's one thing you missed

You missed my heart

That's quite a list

But what you really missed

You missed my heart

That's quite a list

But what you really missed..."

Running through the parking lots, running through the fields

Policeman on my back, something hit my skull and cracked

They dragged me off to jail, set a million dollar bail

Where I tried to tie a noose but I failed and I broke loose

I went racing through the prison yard, shot down by a tower guard

He got me in the shins and he got me in the arms

They strapped me in the gurney, took me off to the infirmary

Where the priest read my last rights

And just before everything went dark

I said, "You missed my heart

You missed my heart

He got me good

I knew he would

But he missed my heart

He missed my heart"

And just before everything went dark

The most poetic dream

Came flowing like the sea

Laying there my life blood draining out of me

A childhood scene, night sky, moonbeams

Fishing with my friends, sitting in the wild reeds

Watching the Ohio river flow at night

Waiting for the bullhead catfishes to bite

Down river from the Moundsville prison graveyard

Gustavo

I wrote a check and I bought an old house

I got a TV and a worn-out couch

I hired a guy named Gustavo and his friends

To fix it up from the foundation

Oh god, those motherfuckers drove me nuts

With their electrical saws and mariachi music

But they really stepped it up, man

And they put their backs into it

But they lived pretty far away

They wanted to stay for a couple of months

Till the work got done, and I said "sure"

Made 'em a key and got 'em a microwave

Gustavo was an illegal immigrant

He took the money that I gave him

And he went and spent it on strippers and casinos

And, hey, every once in a while with them I'd go

It gets boring out in the mountains, you know

Choppin' wood, fallin' asleep to the TV snow

Makin' ground beef tacos

On the top of a pot-belly stove

Eatin' noodles from a Styrofoam cup

Waitin' for a ride who never shows up

Walkin' into town, browsin' the windows

Lookin' at rifles, lookin' at ammo

At night when everything's closed

In my wet boots and my winter clothes

One night they were headed for Tahoe

They asked me along but I said "fuck no"

'Cause I was tired and my money was tight

And they just laughed and said "alright"

And on the way back they got stopped

By a redneck Sunnyside highway cop

Gustavo was drunk and had an ounce of pot

And spent the night on a jailhouse cot

They deported him back to Mexico

He called me collect from a Tijuana pay phone

Asking, "Man, could you wire me money?"

Twenty-five hundred for a border coyote

He needed work and he missed his family

But I hung up and I said, "I'm sorry"

But I hung up and I felt uneasy

I hung up and my heart was heavy

I hung up and my back was aching

Pickin' up the work they left in front of me

The demoed walls and the pulled-up floors

The busted up cabinets and the broken drawers

The kitchen sink was layin' in the backyard

And I looked down and my hands were tremblin'

And I looked up and my roof was leaking

Now I still sleep on my beat-up old couch

In the living room of my unfinished house

I got a licensed contractor

But he quit 'cause his wife was dyin' of cancer

But what the hell, I'm just here tryin' to find answers

To find peace of mind, to get a piece of the rock

A place to put my mantle clock

And my old guitars and gently rock

Back and forth in my front porch chair

Without a worry, without a care

I'm doing alright but I'm still not there

My house ain't done, but it's alright

Floors ain't level, but I ain't some suburbanite

Who cares about bathroom tiles

Straight lines and building codes and Chinese wind chimes

My house ain't done, but it's fine

Come out here from time to time

In December for the snow

And in July to watch the roses grow

My gardener asks had I seen Gustavo

I just laughed and I said "fuck no

Not since that night he left"

His hair combed back, headed for Tahoe

My girlfriend asked had I heard from that guy from Mexico

I said, "You mean Gustavo?"

And I just laughed and I said, "No

Not since he called from the Tijuana pay phone"

Really, I don't give much thought to Gustavo

I love to go out to the mountains, though

And in the fall, feel the breeze blow

And in the winter, watch the falling snow

And in the spring, love the rainbows

And in the summer, smell the roses

White and red and yellow

I Know It’s Pathetic But That Was the Greatest Night of My Life

It was backstage in Moscow late one night.

We shared a cigarette, a kiss goodbye.

Her name was Gayenne, so young and soft.

Her hands trembled badly, her eyes trailed off

to bottles and objects around the room,

my backup guitar, a tray of food.

We didn’t have very much to say.

She said that she’d come from some other place,

a town called Troitsk or maybe Troika.

I was pretty distracted packing my stuff,

but I did make a point to ask her to stay,

but she said she had friends that she had to go see.

Later that summer I picked up my mail.

She sent me a letter with a touching detail:

“I used up my minutes calling hotels

to find you that night but to no avail.

I know it’s pathetic,” she continued to write,

“But that was the greatest night of my life.”

Dogs

Katy Kerlan was my first kiss.

I was only five years-old and she hit me with her purse.

I had braces on my legs and I almost fell down.

And from that day moving forward I’ve been petrified of blondes.

Oh Patricia, she was my first love.

She sat eight rows behind me and I couldn’t breathe.

I gave her Pink Floyd ‘Animals’ when we were in 6th grade,

And it was on her turntable when I met her on Sunday.

Her mom was gone, we were listening to "Dogs".

She reached down my pants and discovered I was bald.

And when I touched her down there she was blossoming and soft.

And the next day in school she ignored me in the hall.

Shelly and Amber gave me my first taste.

I went down on them both at Amber’s parents’ place.

We were drunk as skunks and high on Darvon,

and they gave me a bath and I stumbled on home.

Mary Anne was my first fuck.

She'd slide down between my legs and, oh my god, she could suck.

I went with her friend first but I couldn’t get it in,

and when she caught me with Mary Anne, her heart was broken.

Mary Anne got cold and abruptly broke it off

for a guy with sweatpants and a pickup truck.

I begged her not to dump me and I pleaded no,

but her body language told me it was time for me to go.

The guy with the truck picked me up and brought me home.

I sat down at my piano and my spirit was low,

but I pulled myself together and I played a few notes.

Now I was the one who got their heart broke.

I met a girl named Deborah, she lived on the canal.

She made me eggs in the morning, she was such a sweet gal.

And we went to Red Lobster and we went to Tangier’s.

She had motherly love, she was warm and she cared.

She was a beautiful girl and she had a big heart

but I drifted away because there wasn’t that spark.

Oh the complicated mess of sex and love.

When you give that first stinger, you’re the one who gets stung.

And when you lose control and how good it feels to cum,

and when you pant like a dog getting into someone.

Oh rejection, how it hurts so much.

When you can’t love the one you’ve been longing to touch.

And they’re into someone else and it don’t feel right,

and you wonder if they’re cumming together all night.

The nature of attraction cycles on and on.

And nobody’s right, and nobody’s wrong.

Our early life shapes the types to whom we are drawn.

It’s a complicated place, this planet we’re on.