Questions & Answers
'Questions & Answers' especially for new players and generally for those who are not familiar with the school facilities.
If you have any questions, please ask. The club and/or the school will do our very best to answer them.
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Q. The Club's website is awful. Even the 'Home' link doesn't work.
Can you not fix it?
A. It IS AWFUL, isn't it?!
The website was designed by a club member who is a student (surely no more explanation is required?). Anyway, he has passed his 'website design' module and he is quote "not going back there".
The website was designed using a wonderful piece of software called 'DreamWeaver' but for those of us who must maintain it, it has turned out to be a 'NightmareWeaver'. If anyone wishes to design/re-design our website, you are most welcome. 'Please Heeeeelp' if you can!
Update 15-11-2005: website moved to new URL plus 'Home' link fixed and website slightly modified!
Update 07-05-2009: club website moved to Google Sites!! So much easier!!!
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Q. Some weeks ago the sports hall was flooded! What's happening?
Can the school do something about this?
A. The school is aware of this phenomenon. Tests have been carried out that indicate the liquid is in fact 'rain water'. Unfortunately the roof of the sports hall was only designed to withstand a 'category FOUR drizzle' on the Blatchington-Saffir-Simpson Scale. But on occasions when the rain is unusually wet there will be flooding. Additionally, the drains and the levee at the school were only designed to cope with a 'category THREE drizzle'. On the bright side, think of parts of the world that are experiencing severe water shortage!
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Q. Sometimes there are some strange sounds coming from the roof area.
What is this sound?
A. The school is aware of the strange sounds, smells, mists, and ghostly sightings. They advise that ALL players and spectators eat at least one large clove of garlic before training - especially when full-moon.
Additionally, for anyone who is particularly concerned, the club has negotiated a special deal with a local tattooist whereby you can have a cross tattooed on your forehead at an attractive 50% discount.
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Q. For some weeks only two out of three lights in the sports hall work.
Can the school do something about this?
A. The school points out that 2 out of 3 is just over 66 percent and considered an "excellent pass" in any subject.
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Q. If ALL the lights don't come on it will be too dark to play floorball.
Can the school do something about this?
A. The school understands that floorball requires many skills and is an evolving sport - the hope is, given time we will be the first team with players capable of using sonar to precisely locate the ball (rather like dolphins but on land).
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Q. Can I drive to the school/sports hall?
A. Yes. However there are whiplash inducing speed bumps, and unless you drive a tractor, do please pick up your exhausts/spoilers etc on the way out.
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Q. Is there any drinking water?
A. errrrrrm yes, well NO. There are decorative drinking fountains but no water.
Please bring your own bottle of water. Alternatively, on wet days stand under a drip from the ceiling in the sports hall where you'll be guaranteed a steady supply of fresh rain water.
Update August 2006: decorative drinking fountains are gone as is any psychological comfort that one day drinking water might once again flow through the pipes.
Update Autumn 2019: A water fountain has been installed and provides a trickle of water.
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Q. Is there mobile phone coverage?
A. Sometimes - depending on your network. However the signal will become significantly weaker as you approach the sports hall/school.
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Q. Are there any sign posts to the sports hall?
A. No. Look for the darkest entrance to the school.
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Q. Is the sports hall easy to find?
A. NO, not without an experienced sherpa.
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Q. Where are the doors to the sports hall?
A. Look for double doors to the left of what appears to be a sports hall.
Once inside ask for directions (beware of archers). IMPORTANT: if you see an 'ENTRANCE' sign then you're in the wrong place.
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Q. What if I get lost?
A. On clear nights use star constellations or look for seagulls flying towards the beach (south).
NB The school buildings will give false compass readings.
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Q. Is there good external lighting?
A. Yes, during summer when the days are much longer.
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Q. Does the sports hall have lights?
A. YES, but only on dry days when water from the leaky roof does not drip on the electrics and trip the fuse.
Update Jan-2022: Let there be light, and there was.....thank God, or Jesus to be exact. New lights have been installed that can be turned off and on. A small donations to the Edison Light Bulb Research Foundation would be appreciated.
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Q. Can I do vigorous exercise in the sports hall?
A. Absolutely NOT. The air circulation fans in the sports hall do NOT always work. Perspiration will cause condensation on the cold metal roof causing random drips that make the floor slippery, and could potentially trip the light fuse.
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Q. Can I turn the lights off and on?
A. Absolutely NOT. Once the lights are turned off they will NOT come on again. NO KIDDING. Please please do NOT try it until after training is finished and everyone has left.
Update summer 2006: the light switches have now been removed and the lights are now permanently on. A brutal solution you may possibly ponder, but 'root cause analysis' is not part of the school curriculum.
Update Jan-2022: New lights and switches have been installed that can be turned off and on. If that's your thing, now you can go ahead and play with the light switches.
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Q. What if I shoot the ball and it hits the switch and turns the lights off?
A. Do NOT shoot at the switch.
Update summer 2006: As already mentioned the switches have now been removed and the only way you might turn the lights off is if your shot hits the switch at local national grid's electricity sub-station, whereby you will basically be turning off the electricity to all of Brighton and Hove.
Update Jan-2022: New lights and switches have been installed and the lights can be turned off and on - before anyone thinks about copying the technology, it has a patent pending by BMS. Also if you do aim at the switch and hit it, then you should really be looking elsewhere for an elite club.
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Q. Are there any toilets?
A. Certainly. However the strong industrial detergents that are used produce toxic fumes and require protective clothing, gas mask and goggles to be worn before entering the toilet area. PLEASE ask for protective equipment before entering.
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Q. Are there any changing rooms?
A. We are all god's creation.
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Q. Are there any showers?
A. Absolutely. There is a big sand pit that can be used in a similar way to zebras in the Masai Mara.
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Q. Is it OK to enter the school if the doors are open?
A. NO. Sometimes the alarm is set and the doors are open! Only enter the school if you see others inside or there are cars in the car park.
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Q. Is it safe to enter any rooms at the school?
A. Absolutely NOT. At best you will set off alarms in different parts of the building and at worst you'll become a moving target for one of the bored archers who train in another hall.
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Q. Is there a skating rink in Brighton/Hove?
A. YES. In the sports hall on rainy days. The leaky roof and the non porous synthetic surface is ideal for skating using ANY footwear.
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Q. Does the Club recommend any warm-up exercises?
A. Warming-up is important and helps avoid injuries. Here's a simple warm-up exercise anyone can do......click the photo below and carefully follow the moves:
