Thoughts

Fathers Day, June 21, 2015:

On this occasion of Father's Day, I have observed so many people overwhelmingly praising their fathers, whatever they have done for the future of their sons/daughters. This Father's Day is of course a very special day for me because this is the first time I am experiencing this day as a member of the fathers' community.

Somehow, I have a very different feeling about all these thanksgiving returning back to the parents on this special day. I asked myself the question, why should my son celebrate this day (if he celebrates at all) for me. Suddenly, I have become so respectable and lovable in the eyes of my son. I am feeling affection, immense love and responsibility, and a completely different feeling when the first time I hold my child in my hand. Somehow, I felt a very nice connection; this is of course (I believe) the usual connection that every father in this world feels. With the signs of age becoming prominent, I have started asking many questions to myself.

Let's talk about some of the good fathers. This can be generalized to some extent. I hope some of you will be able to relate it to your friends too. The first question, are fathers really doing a thankless job? I am pretty sure that, many fathers expect their sons to take care of them when they become older. Let me tell you a story, one of my friends got a job in some company in Bangalore and planning to leave for Bangalore with many dreams in mind. The day before he leaves, his mother broke down and told him how they will survive without him. I was present there, I know that my friend is never going to lose their parents and he will come back or he will take them with him. After being beaten by several emotional bullets, he decided to stay back and try for government jobs. My poor friend, after trying for five years he is still trying to find a job. His friends joined a new job in Kolkata, settling their life. His parents are very happy because their son is with them, but really do not find any sign of happiness in my friend. I asked myself, was that really a thankless job, his parents had been doing to raise their son? I think it is not. It's like an investment. I have raised it, and it is his turn to pay it back. I hope, in the future, I should not do similar things.

My dear child, most of the time you have been asked to take care of your father properly and do not leave them. I can remember one of the articles, written by a guy who is doing a Ph.D. in the UK and was very sad for not being able to take care of his parents. On the contrary, please ask this question to your father that, how does he end up staying in the place, where you were born and brought up. In many cases, in search of a job, your father had to untie the knot with his own native place, where he was born and raised by your grandfather. Then, how as a father, I would expect my son to stay in the same place, where I stay and take care of me for the rest of my life. Don't you think that it is unfair to the son?

I was taking my son (3 months old) on a short walk sharing some thoughts with my wife. Suddenly, one of my very good old uncles appeared with a cigar in one hand and raised his hands to bless us. With the smoke, my son suddenly waked up, and I felt that he is not feeling well at all. But the proud father (my uncle) did not care to see that and telling about the achievements of his sons. So, he is actually a father and his sons are respecting him on this special day, who could not even realize that the cigar was getting painful to my son. We had to leave him quickly. Should I thank him if I were his son?

During the 5 years in ISI Kolkata, many times, I used to stand at Bonhoogly bus stop in the morning/evening seeing the proud hard-working fathers taking their sons to school in a cycle or in a bike or just by walk holding the son's hand. The fathers who have given up their morning sleep for the sake of their children raising their son to become a hero or probably to survive in the rat race. I noticed that almost nobody was caring about the signal. Yes, I mean NOBODY (those who are following signals, they must be a set of measure zero, poor joke). I can challenge. If you stand there, every day, you will find how the fathers breaking signals in front of their child. It is expected that children are learning this. For fathers who are driving a car or riding a bike (taking their son in the back seat), I am pretty sure that, many fathers cross the signal when it is red or stand after crossing the zebra limit. I have seen so many of such events. If you have not seen it, just watch, I am sure you will be convinced. My elder brother was heading towards an auto Rickshaw line in Kolkata. He was just about to enter the line, suddenly, a woman (a mother) gave a small shoulder punch (ধাক্কা দেওয়া ) and took over that line with her son. Most surprisingly, her son felt very proud to see that, her mother is able to make it. I know one father, who is a chain smoker and always took pride in this habit. He died at the age of 48 because of water in his lungs, leaving his only one son behind, who could not even complete his education. His mother had to take the job. Out of intense pressure, his son started smoking heavily. Somehow, it is intensely believed that cigar takes the tension out of you (I do not believe it). Stil,l father is very much respectable.

One day, I was traveling on the train from my native place to Kolkata, there were few middle-aged people (daily passengers) discussing the declining current state of the art of West Bengal. During their discussion, I found that all are fathers and they will be reaching their office after around one and half an hour late. Given their government job they can afford to go late and come back early from the office (seems the definition of a government job in West Bengal). And most surprisingly, they just did not care that, there are many fathers in their office waiting to get the government service. I am pretty sure, that is a very common scenario (at least in West Bengal). I have never got government service in proper time. I think I did not get the service not because the politicians are corrupted, its because the fathers are not reaching the office at right time and not giving the service to the people. They always talk about corrupt politicians but do not care to come to the office at the right time. We fathers have already thrown so much garbage on the roads that the children do not find this place nice and want to leave this place for a better future. The most ironic is that fathers become sad when their child leaves them. I was traveling to Mumbai for an interview in Duronto, one proud father was discussing the achievements of his son. I asked him that, what are the subject combinations. He proudly told me that English and the Special language was German. I asked him, was there any other options? He told in front of his son that there were some USELESS subjects like Sanskrit/Hindi/Urdu. But he preferred German as his son may have a better future. You might be thinking that this father was an exception, but the father told that those subjects did not run as nobody took it.

My dear children, I request you, before thanking fathers on Father's day, please ask them the question, is he giving proper service to society? Is he doing the job properly that he is expected to do? I believe that many fathers do not do it. If they were doing it, the place would have been much better for the children, for you. My dear son, you are not my investment. You should have a dream, make it happen. Work hard for it. You should not fulfill my dream. You are not expected to do so. I love you, but you are not my world, nor I should be your world. Please make your own dreams, your own thoughts. If you are a good person, that is enough for me, I strongly believe that your goodness is independent of your marks/exams/rat race etc. etc. etc. Please ask questions. From our childhood we have been taught that, don't argue with elders, hear what they are saying. Please do not do it. With any kind of decision, if you have any question/suggestion please speak up. If you have to argue with elders, do it. The elders also should realize that every phase of life is a learning phase. They should know, how to answer the meaningful questions of their child. Father is a big word. I am just trying to be that. I feel that being a father, is not proving you everything and making life easier for you. It's about teaching you, how I am doing my stuff. You can do it in a better way. You find your own way.

Happy Fathers Day to me.