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Scott Baker and Adam Jacobi first met in November 2008. It was a Sunday brunch...
Scott Baker and Adam Jacobi first met in November 2008. It was a Sunday brunch...
As Scott Recounts
As Scott Recounts
In November of 2008, I was asked to a breakfast of the three National Forensic League (NFL) -- now National Speech & Debate Association (NSDA) -- district chairs one Sunday, with Adam Jacobi of the national office. Honestly, I thought I had done something wrong. I was a new district chair, a younger coach still figuring things out, and I was asked to meet an officer of the national office. Intimidation set in quickly as I sat down with Adam Jacobi and Jay Stubbs. Adam offered great insight into the national perspective of the organization, Jay argued (as he always does) with the way things are being run or what he could do/suggest to make them better, and I, I just sat there and listened. I know I spoke, but, honestly, I have no idea what I said. I was in the deep end of the debate pool and I was trying to keep afloat.
Flash forward to the national tournament the following summer. My student, Nick Cugini, was nominated for NFL Student of the Year. He was to interview in front of a national panel the day of registration. As I left the meeting room after ensuring he was all settled in, I stepped out into the hallway which overlooked a main lobby of the hotel in Birmingham. As I leaned over the railing, Adam came out into the hall. My heart leaped. Not only had he been such an intimidating force a few months earlier, but he was kinda cute. I don’t recall all of the conversation, but I remember Adam telling me where his hotel room was across the foyer. I was perplexed by this! Was Adam making a pass at me or was he just performing idle chatter? Which one? I had just come out the January before and was still unsure and incompetent in the ways of flirting. I don’t think I said anything. I didn’t know what to say. Adam and I laugh today about this: his innocent chatter and my difficulty in reading his intent. I remember this moment, not because I was foolish, but because Adam was endearing, sweet, attractive, and humble. I looked up to him, thought him one of the best men I knew. I still do.
The next summer, I was in Los Angeles for the NIETOC national tournament. Adam came as an NFL liaison, and, even though we spoke only for a few minutes, I remember those images as if they have been painted in my mind. I can envision the way the California sun shined on him. I remember shifting my hips, in an attempt to be flirtatious, I remember his bad jokes (how can we ever forget them?) Those moments stood at the forefront of my mind for months. However, as time passes, life changes. I met someone. Adam was in this small, unknown town known as Ripon, somewhere in a state called Wisconsin… known for its cheese. How could I ever build something meaningful with THE Adam Jacobi? Besides, I didn’t even know if Adam was gay.
Then fate aligned. It was suggested to Adam to ask me to work Joy of Tournaments for the NJFL national tournament in Dallas. I accepted immediately. I was honored to be asked, and, it was Adam who asked. While we had been Facebook friends, Adam was still aloof to my world. That summer was fun. I worked crazy hours with the NJFL tab staff and laughed all the way through it. Adam would occasionally stop and look at Alex and me at the IE tab computer. We may have had too much fun. Alex and I became instant friends. We talked about our lives, our loves, and, well….. Adam. The following summer in Indianapolis, I was back to my old laughs and giggles at NJFL, but this time Jennifer Jerome was my buddy. Again, we laughed and played and worked all week. This was an inspiring nationals. I met so many people, began to feel comfortable around other coaches, and opened myself up to meeting new people. Jennifer and I laughed and laughed, while Adam would regularly stop by to see what was so funny. “Oh, nothing Adam. Nothing at all.” Usually our comments were about him and his humor (among other things). After I returned from Indianapolis, my life drastically changed. I ended my first long term relationship with a man, and I moved on, unsure of my future.
It was Spring of 2014, when I had posted a comment on Facebook about my situation, where Adam sent me a private message expressing his difficulties in being gay and the traps men fall into searching for commitment. This is when Adam finally outed himself to me and expressed interest in me. It didn’t take too long on messenger to realize the relationship we wanted just happened to be across the country with a man we had both known for years.
At the 2014 NIETOC national tournament in Minnesota, I asked Adam to drive down to talk face-to-face. I wasn’t sure he would until I saw him across the room in the judges lounge. He walked in, made casual hellos and pleasantries with others before he finally walked up to me and said, “Well, hello, there, Mr. Baker!” We spent hours talking, laughing, and falling in love. We knew the distance was going to be tough, but we knew it was well worth the obstacles that laid ahead. Now looking back at my time with Adam, I feel the stars were aligned for us to finally be a couple. We both had to discover ourselves, our needs, our wants to finally realize it was right there… across the country.
As Adam Recounts
As Adam Recounts
It was November 2008. I had just started a new job four months earlier with the National Forensic League (now, National Speech & Debate Association). I was assigned as project leader for a partnership with an educational initiative and scholarship contest called Now Debate This, and went to Houston, Texas where the National Council for the Social Studies was holding its annual conference. There, I helped exhibit at the vendor expo to promote the contest as well as NFL/NSDA. To make the best use of my travel time, my boss Scott Wunn asked me to meet with three regional district chairs in the Houston area, to discuss their concerns as well as to glean best practices. That Sunday, after the convention concluded, Jay Stubbs arranged a brunch with Scott Baker, and the three of us had engaging conversation, where I came to admire the experience and passion Jay has, as well as the vision and energy Scott has.
For most of my life, I didn’t understand my sexual orientation. In my mind, I thought impulses I had toward men were simply admiration and wanting to be more like them. Yet, I was never drawn to women. I came of age in the 1990s, and people just didn’t talk about being gay, other than a derogatory thing. I had no role models, no frame of reference. Even as a theatre major in college, none of my classmates were “out,” (many of whom are today) and I suspect, for similar reasons. So, my 20s and early 30s were spent focusing on studies and my career, yet lingering in the back of my mind was the truth of how lonely I was in my personal life.
Over the years, fate brought us together again and again. In June 2009, one of Scott’s students, Nick Cugini, was a finalist for National Student of the Year (as well as a national finalist in United States Extemporaneous Speaking). After Shepherding Nick to his interview, I remember having a deep conversation with Scott, as we stood on the 2nd floor balcony of the Sheraton Birmingham, where we discussed our shared passion for education, and shared values for what is important in life.
My work with the NFL/NSDA exposed me to some amazing gay role models in our educational community, which prompted me to learn more through online resources, such as Human Rights Campaign. One moment stands out in my brain, however. Not long after I met Scott, he became something of an Internet celebrity. He publicly came out on social media as part of a compelling – and I would daresay, brilliant – lesson on acceptance he taught at school by dressing up as T-Zo the Tolerance Clown. His metamorphosis to reveal his true self to all those in his life was not easy. Some of his closest friends disowned him, and some of the strife even boiled over into the Houston speech and debate community. Yet, he still found resolve to pursue advanced degrees and improve himself in many ways. He was as devoted a father as ever. Throughout, I quietly followed this hero of mine on Facebook, admiring his fortitude and strength amidst so much change.
The following May at the inaugural National Individual Events Tournament of Champions (NIETOC) in California, I was asked to be the official NSDA staff representative in outreach to this new initiative and visit with district chairs and coaches. During the tournament, I spotted Scott visiting with his students in the sunny courtyard of Fullerton Joint Union HS. We talked about an array of topics from diversity and inclusion, and as the warmth of the California sun enveloped us, I felt the rest of the world melt away, totally taken with this incredible educator and human being.
Later that year, I received a call from Ami Ruby, the administrator who oversaw speech and debate for the Cy-Fair School District. As coaches received recognition from the district for earning coaching diamonds from the NSDA, she realized an oversight where Scott and another coach were overlooked, and asked me for some additional biographical notes on both coaches. While I paid both coaches the due deference they had earned, I vividly remember being giddy with excitement to celebrate a man I had come to admire so deeply.
The following summer, the NSDA combined its middle school championship with the high school national tournament, and I was charged with finding dedicated tabulation officials from among district leaders. I asked Joy of Tournaments’ Brent Hinkle who the best tab people he knew that were not otherwise committed at the National Tournament, and Scott’s was the first name he gave me. Of course, I knew I wanted Scott on my team, and when push came to shove, throughout the years that followed, he always stayed behind to get the job done, or returned after he had finished if we were short-handed.
He also had this knack for entertaining me in the most delightful way.
As the director of the middle school tournament, I was charged with ensuring various operations and logistics ran smoothly. I learned quickly that speech was a well-oiled machine, and in the four years Scott has led it, there have not been any issues whatsoever. Jennifer Jerome joined him in 2012, and became the “Female Scott Baker of Nebraska.” The two of them have been a riot. I never really understood why they were either (1) a constant flurry of ranks and data entry, or (2) the deepest belly-laughs I have ever heard in a tab room. They had the best work ethic, yet with the most levity. It truly was a sight to behold, and an energy I felt drawn to.
Upon returning from China in early 2014, I began to open up to more friends and family about my sexuality, and after a brief relationship, I sought out Scott on Facebook, whose breakup he posted about a few months prior had made my heart ache for him. Scott has such an earnest way about him, an honesty he projects publicly, including on social media. I felt no one could understand me like he could. Little did I realize just how much that was the case.
After minutes of chatting with Scott, I felt a connection. We both admitted we were attracted to the other, and realized we would have the opportunity to see each other and talk more at NIETOC in Minnesota. I drove over to St. Peter, MN, and did my customary networking with coaches in the judge lounge, deliberately saving the best for last. Over the course of the next 24 hours, we talked constantly and I realized I had finally found my soul mate. We have so much in common, finish each others’ sentences (or sometimes say the same thing at the same time), but sharing different experiences together keeps our time together exciting.
I have always been a bit of a hopeless romantic, and the patience of waiting for my Prince Charming has definitely paid off.
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