Read parents' stories

One aim of our study is to make parents voices heard, and hopefully be of comfort to other parents who may want to hear about others' experiences. Parents who have taken part have given permission for their anonymous experiences to be shared here for others to read. Here we share quotes from some of the stories we have received. We would like to thank our participants for sharing their experience. We feel honoured to have had the chance to hear their story..

Parents' experiences from pregnancy or before the arrival of the baby

I found out I was pregnant just as the first lockdown hit. It was a scary time. The way NHS trusts handled maternity care was totally unacceptable. Having to go to visits on my own even though my medical records show I have anxiety was awful. I only saw my midwife once before week 35 and this lack of monitoring meant I had been falsely lured into thinking that my baby was ok. (Mother, England).

The fact my husband wasn't allowed to attend scans in hospital but at that point we could go for meals out together was really distressing. The thought of finding out bad news alone was terrifying. In those early weeks I think I almost convinced myself I wasn't pregnant so when I went to the scan and first saw the little bean it was so emotional and the sonographer wasn't prepared for my tears. Telling people I was pregnant over zoom or text felt pathetic. I don't think I ever felt "special" during the pregnancy as there were no nice things to do with family or friends to celebrate. It felt like a "non time" like it wasn't real. (Mother, UK).

Antenatal classes and several midwife appointments were cancelled, meaning I couldn't ask anyone about my worries, and we, along with many others, missed out on crucial information about what to expect during/after the birth. I find it very sad that I didn't get a chance to see friends, family and colleagues one last time before the baby arrived - one day in March we were all sent home from work, and life was never the same again.  (Mother, UK).

In my third trimester when the UK acknowledged the pandemic I remember most clearly the worry around emptying shelves and talk of disturbed supply lines. Toilet roll? No chance. Paracetamol for aches and pains and early labour? No chance. I had insisted I would diet control my borderline low iron levels. What a joke, no suitable produce available. Cancelled feeding classes, but I'm a highly educated researcher right, I can learn how to do these things alone. Biggest joke yet. Was there a positive? For me, no. There was too much uncertainty, too much fear. (Mother, UK).

No one would hug me. I didn't get any proper goodbyes or parting gifts, no baby shower. Nothing that would normally help the transition. I remember when pregnant women were classed as high risk and I was in a shopping mall and felt everyone was eyeballing me. I sat in my car and cried from fear. I spent the last two months of my pregnancy avoiding passing anyone in the street, only leaving the house once a day. Baby apps would tell me about all the "lasts" I should be doing (meals, baby moons etc), having not updated anything regarding the pandemic. It felt like all of my choices had been stripped from me. I felt vulnerable in every aspect of my life - my body, my community, my work, my relationships. (Mother, Scotland)

Being able to finish work early, I felt a lot more relaxed and prepared for baby coming as I was able to wash and clean to fill my days! However, it was also an extremely worrying time. My anxiety was through the roof panicking that I would contract covid. I wasn't able to get nappies, some clothing etc due to everything being sold out online and no shops open. It was also a very lonely time. (Mother, Northern Ireland).

It had its ups and downs. I was always anxious about being pregnant and giving birth, and then I had to do nearly all of it on my own. Which was scary and lonely. But in someways, it made me braver and stronger. My emotions and thoughts about the experience change about it regularly. Sometimes I’m grateful for the space and more recently I’m jealous of other pregnant people having support at scans and being able to share their pregnancy with others. (Mother, UK).

I got pregnant in October 2019 following our first round of IVF treatment after trying for a baby for 3 years. I had desperately wanted to start a family for all of that time! I suffered hugely with SPD and there was no physiotherapy available to help with that, so third trimester was very difficult and I ended up in hospital at about 36 weeks and was put on codeine which maybe could have been avoided if I’d been able to have physiotherapy. I felt well looked after in my pregnancy by the healthcare staff. I think the saddest thing was that hardly anyone got to see me pregnant and see my bump grow and feel baby kick, apart from my husband. This was such a long-awaited moment in my life and it would have been nice to share it more. (Mother, UK).

As soon as covid hit, I was so isolated and scared. I was worried about us having jobs to afford to care for a baby, staying healthy, and possibly having to give birth alone. Everyone was so preoccupied, I never had a chance to celebrate this huge change in our lives. (Mother, USA). 

I worked in a healthcare setting and struggled with decisions on if I should go off work early. And fear that my anxiety, stress and fear would impact my unborn child or cause me to go into labour prematurely. Everyone I talked to either thought I should be off work or that there was no reason and at the time there was no research/evidence on the effects of COVID on pregnant women. We knew nothing and that meant I had no one to turn to help make the decision. It was a very scary time and I felt very alone and isolated and totally unsure of what the best thing to do was. (Canada).

Parents' experiences from the birth or during the arrival of the baby

I think having to wait until I was in the delivery suit for my husband to join me sucked. I had been rushed into hospital in an ambulance and I was being poked and prodded by doctors and nurses, I had wires attatched to every limb and other wires in other places so I couldn't move off the bed, but I wasn't really able to take in all the information, I needed my husband to keep me calm and to advocate for me as I just didn't have the head space.  It didn't take long before they let him in but it felt like forever. (Mother, UK).

Horrible experience. I was induced, and they sent my partner away until I was ready to go down to the labour ward. Unfortunately, I needed an emergency c-section. 1-2 hours after the delivery of my baby, they sent my partner away again. I was left alone in the postnatal ward with almost no midwife attending me. I was super tired, I had difficulty moving (obviously) and never took care of a baby before. It was very stressful. I did my best to be released asap. I went home earlier than I should have which was not ideal but at least I had my partner with me at home. If I stayed I could have gotten support I needed with breastfeeding at that time. (Mother, UK).

My baby's birth was a sad, scary and lonely experience. My main worry at the end of my pregnancy was that maternity care would be negatively impacted by the pandemic, and this fear was realized in my situation. I suffered from a pathological uterine ring resulting in very prolonged (4 days) and obstructed labour, but this went undetected until 2 days after I first arrived at hospital - we are incredibly lucky our baby survived. My situation being missed for so long seemed to be largely due to staff shortages at one point I was left alone for 12 hours and it was only after I was finally attended to that the midwives realised my baby was in serious trouble and had been for a very long time. I was alone when I was told that my baby was in serious trouble. The line "Your baby's in trouble, but the good news is you're allowed to call your husband now.' shouldn't feature in normal maternity care. After being told this I was left alone believing my baby had died. My husband was made to leave the hospital 45 minutes after our baby was born. I then spent 2 days alone trying to take care of a newborn while recovering from emergency surgery. (Mother, UK).

I spent too long trying to manage by myself. I was scared of the hospital, scared of home birth, scared of public attitudes. My child was born via emergency c-section at 42 weeks in early May. I was surrounded by a fantastic surgical team and I loved relinquishing control for a short time. The pressure of trying to keep safe to that point was too much. Having that decision taking out my hand was a relief, and I knew I was safe for a while. (Mother, England).

It was the most traumatic experience I've had to date and I put that all down to covid. I had hoped to stay at home as long as possible so that my husband could be with me in the hospital as he could only come in with me if I was in the labour ward. I unfortunately had to be induced due to complications so I spent 32 hours in the hospital on my own. I found the induction period incredibly painful and distressing as I was on my own. I cried most of that time. The midwives were great, particularly one who poured me lots of baths and held me as I sobbed. I'm not sure if she was allowed to do that but I craved any form of comfort and was desperate for my husband. My husband was allowed to drop things off for me by the hospital door but I had to walk to collect them on my own in-between excruciatingly painful contractions. It was about a 10 minutes slow walk and I remember thinking it felt inhumane that I should have to do it. People always said to me that a benefit must have been that there weren't many mums on any of the wards or any families coming in bothering anyone. I found that deeply isolating and lonely. No one to speak to, no one to celebrate the arrival of my little one. (Mother, Scotland). 

I truly cannot fault the midwives enough, I had a hard labour resulting in an emergency c section, so when it comes to me talking about my labour experience It’s not including the midwives, but the rest of it has truly got my questioning if I could ever go through it again. My emergency c section experience has left me traumatised, post op my partner could only stay with me for 30 mins in the recovery room. When he was forced to leave, because of covid. I was left alone confused, numb, sore, in shock… all alone with a newborn. I can honestly say I didn’t enjoy my labour nor have any happy memories.(Mother, UK).

Traumatic. I wanted a low input pool, gas and air birth. I ended up with waters breaking and not going in to labour so induction which was horrendous. All pain relief failed to help. Epidural on partially worked. Ended up with sepsis and a failed forceps and kiwi. Therefore had an emergency c section. I felt so unwell. I was then in hospital for a week with a very unsettled newborn both of us on antibiotics with no visitors at all. I felt I had died. The birth and that week week broke me. Feeding was difficult and I was exhausted. I just cried and cried. I couldn't wait to go home. (Mother, England). 

Birth went well considering the circumstances, my husband had to wait in the car until he was called, he couldn’t even find a toilet he was allowed to use. Breastfeeding support was non existent. Due to covid, there was so few staff I helped make teas and coffees for other ladies on my ward who had had epidurals and c sections due to lack of staff. I was spoken to very badly by the staff as I couldn’t get my baby to stop crying. (Mother, England). 

One of the most traumatic moments was when I only found out after the birth that, while he fortunately was allowed to be with me during my induction and during active labour, my husband could only be with us 1 hour a day after our baby was born! I was so upset and could not imagine not having those first hours together as a family. As a result I spoke to every midwife I could and cried on a few and begged to be discharged ASAP, which we were -- the day after I gave birth -- probably sooner than we would have done otherwise. Also, the staff was extremely stretched at hospital whilst I was there and so there was a lot of disorganization regarding my care... my carefully harvested colostrum even got lost by the midwives, and I was left waiting 12 hours overnight for the arrival of a doctor to break my waters. (Mother, UK).

No one could hold my son, no one even really cared that he was born. Everyone was so concerned with their own situation, his arrival went completely unnoticed. I was so sad that no one could be there with us to see him and hold him and love him. I suppose a good part is that my husband and I spent tons of time with him - no work or social commitments outside the house, so we didn't miss a second of his life. Also we were so isolated, which was incredibly hard, but also meant that he never got sick. (Mother, USA).

Parents' experiences of after the birth or arrival of the baby

None of my friends or family were able to come and meet him or help us whilst we were in hospital. We needed the outside support at the time but actually I think it bonded us more as a family unit. It's only us, we have to have each other's backs, we are in this together. There is no time off. It was lovely and immensely sad also. (Mother, UK). 

I think the lack of in person support has had an impact. I struggled with breastfeeding and eventually gave up. My daughter had bad reflux and vomited constantly but it was hard to see a GP in person which was really stressful and scary at times. When I saw or spoke to health visitors they were mostly great but it has been isolating, especially with baby groups starting and stopping all the time. At times I felt trapped in my house with a baby. My daughter and I have been able to develop a very strong bond and I’ve observed and noticed every small change as we’ve been together. This is a real positive. (Mother, UK). 

You spend years looking forward to maternity leave, making plans for all the lovely things you'll do and see with your new tiny friend. I'm so sad that instead, my one and only maternity leave was spent alone and struggling, stuck at or near home with no support from friends, family or professionals. Although many of the restrictions were necessary, many were not even remotely evidence-based (we are public health researchers!). I find it appalling that there was a time where people were not allowed to sit down outdoors - I remember being scared that a neighbour would call the police when I sat down on the grass momentarily on my first post-c section walk. A friend was actually moved on by police for breastfeeding her newborn on a park bench. This and the restrictions forcing people to remain within their council area did not have any observable public health benefit, but were markedly detrimental to people's physical and mental health. My mental health really suffered and I am only now, 18 months on, starting to feel a little bit more like myself. I felt so cripplingly alone, and experienced severe anxiety and chronic insomnia for over a year after the birth. In the early newborn months, we had no one to take the baby for an hour while we went for a walk, no one to ask about our concerns about the baby's health, no one to help with breastfeeding advice. However in many ways winter 2020/2021 was even worse than the isolated newborn phase in early 2020, as it felt as if we had started to recover a sense of who we were, and then once again were forced to spend Christmas and the long dark winter alone, with no one to talk to, no one to see, not allowed to go anywhere. Even though things feel much more 'normal' now, I feel I owe it to myself to remember just how dark and lonely my baby's first year was. Now that my baby is almost 18 months old and things are slowly returning to normal, my overwhelming feeling is one of sadness at everything we missed out on. No breastfeeding support cafes. No baby classes. No farm trips. No coffees out with other new mum friends. No swimming. No holidays. No trips down south to introduce her to friends. No adorable baby halloween party. No family Christmas. No health visitor visits. No doctors' appointments. I feel a sense of injustice that I wasn't able to give my baby the first year she deserved. (Mother, UK). 

It was still early days when my baby was born; we still foolishly thought the lockdown would be short: a few weeks at most. I think that's the only thing that kept me going through the first year, honestly, thinking that any moment restrictions could be lifted and it might be safe to see people. It turns out that only seven people held my baby before she turned one. Seven people in the whole world! It was four months before anyone besides my partner or I held her at all. We had no support. No one cooked us meals, no one babysat, the postpartum doula that we expected to have didn't end up coming. My sister brought us groceries once, but that's about it. My partner was working from home, so he got to be there for a lot more moments, but it seems like during the first year we barely saw one another. It was just pass the baby off and then go eat/shower. I took a year of leave to be with my baby, but everything that I planned to do with her seemed too risky, too dangerous, not worth it, so we did nothing. (Mother, Canada). 

Very difficult. I had this little person in my life to look after but nothing was normal. My family didn't meet him, some have only recently met him almost 16 months later, lots haven't met him still. All of my friends and family were dealing with their own distress by covid so no one really checked in after the initial congratulations. When we could go out there was no facilities to change our baby as all the facilities were shut especially in public areas. That continued well into the winter so we had to change our babies in the cold and rain of December with no shelter. Baby groups didn't run. When they eventually were allowed to run we weren't allowed to sing. Chanting nursery rhymes at a little baby is horrible and feels unnatural. I continued to feel like I had no control in my life. I craved to be able to have support in the house to help with sleep deprivation, especially when my husband went back to work. But it was just me. Just me and my baby for almost a year before we could have anyone in the house. That was the most difficult thing, the isolation and lack of support. Something I still struggled to process. However I feel immensely proud of myself for doing such a good job. (Mother, Scotland).

I suffered with severe baby blues and anxiety. Baby was very unsettled and lost weight even after coming home so feeding was stressful and I was so anxious leaving the house as I felt I couldn’t settle my baby. I struggled to rest when he was asleep in the day and I often felt overwhelmed.

Postpartum care was crap. We saw friends and family as per the rules but everyone was anxious and lots you still couldn't do. Then lockdown came again and luckily I had other mums that needed to get out so we walked....and walked...and walked. (Mother, UK). 

I never thought I’d cry so much in my adult life because I missed my mum. Being alone in the hospital with a 3 hour old baby after losing nearly a third of my blood volume is not an experience I ever want to experience again. Again, my thoughts on this change, in someways it was nice to learn how to look after and love my child in my own space and not have to worry about visitors to being insanely jealous when you see a newborn in a coffee shop being cooed over by their grandparents. (Mother, UK). 

My child was around 5 months when the pandemic began, it became a very lonely time for me as we went into lockdown, my husband was a key worker and still worked away from home Monday to Friday so we had no other adult contact on those days. It was very difficult as I lost my support system pretty much overnight and had to adjust to it being us two. I was worried that being cut off from the world would have a negative impact on my baby's social development as she had got used to seeing family and friends daily, however she recently started attending playgroup and took to it really well so it doesn’t seem to have had a negative impact on her. (Mother, Scotland). 

My husband and I genuinely loved being in lockdown for the first trimester -- we just felt we were in a protected lovely newborn bubble and didn't have to be disturbed by tons of visitors. That feeling went away though as we wanted to emerge and there were still no baby classes or support groups. The worst was that our family and friends could not visit and many still have not. Our baby is 8MO now and hardly anyone got to know her as just a little thing, which breaks my heart. I am so sad we are the only ones with those memories. (Mother, UK). 

That in a world where there had been so much sadness I had this little beacon of light. I selfishly liked not having everyone drop by because restrictions were in place and felt I had that time as my new little family without worrying about offending anyone who wanted to come and me saying not yet. I’m the hardest thing was not being able to see my closest family members. I lost my grandfather when he was nearly 17 weeks old. I was heart broken and because of the pandemic it meant that he never met my son. This sparked a worry for me too one because I was so sad I worried about the effect it would have on my baby and my milk supply and two because my grandpa had an aneurysm after taking AstraZeneca despite the worry for me as I was constantly battling with it I was going to take the Pfizer job because I was breastfeeding and there was not enough research at the time to suggest how it would have any impact on my baby (I got it in the end). (Mother, UK).

Parents thoughts about the role of digital technology during this time

Facetime has been a godsend. I couldn’t have imagined not being able to see peoples’ faces for so many months. Being able to send daily photos of my Son was so important. On the number one occasions we had to self isolate, I had Facetimes with my Dad where he did entire play sessions with my son. Mainly musical. 

We were able to keep in touch with family virtually. My Nan sadly passed away during lockdown, having never actually met her Great Grandson, but the home arranged digital meetings with her, which sort of worked (she was rapidly deteriorating with dementia, and both registered blind and very hard of hearing). But she thought she'd really met him, so she was happy.

The downside was how obsessive some family members became, constantly demanding pics, videos or getting in contact to check on the baby. I felt like I was being pressured to wave a phone in my Son's face to please everyone else. When I took a step back, my partner received comments as to why I’m not talking and what’s wrong with me. Soon the novelty wore off and I realised how bad it can be. I’d upload a picture of my Son to my private account, and the in-laws would take that picture and share it with their friends, people I don’t know. It really bugged me. 

I was taking online classes about delivery techniques and breastfeeding and how to adapt my body to normal delivery, sleep techniques for the baby [...] Also it helped me to prepare stuff for the baby, by reading reviews and the experiences of new parents. 

I spent a lot of time on forums and Googling, ‘is this normal’ without people to ask. I eventually had to stop, as I realised it wasn't any good for my mental health as my anxiety levels were really high. I struggled with breastfeeding and found an organisation 'La Leche League'. They were amazing and offered Zoom chats with other mums and also private Zooms to help. I took up both of these, but during the first zoom chat I sat with my camera and mic off, just sobbing, listening to all the advice, simultaneously depressed at my experience and so thankful I had found somewhere to help.