frustration and procrastination

Date: December 16th

Location: Your couch! See your e-mail for the Zoom link!

Directions: See your e-mail for tips for signing into Zoom!

Today’s lesson is adapted from a lesson by Mary Burns!

During this time of year, we are faced with lots of decisions. What will we do for the holidays? What gifts should we buy? What events do we need to cancel? All of these decisions make us more apt to procrastinate. At the same time, we are experiencing frustration as well. Traffic is intolerable. Crowds, if there are any, are extra stressful. We need to make multiple stops to take care of all of the chores which need to be done. Maybe we’re not sure how to adapt our celebrations this year. At any rate, the holiday season can be filled with frustrations and indecisiveness. What can you do? This week’s class will explore procrastination, but procrastination goes hand in hand with frustration, which we will focus on for this week’s reading. Hopefully, this lesson will provide you with the tools needed to deal successfully with frustration and procrastination.

Frustration is the unpleasant experience we have when things are not working the way we want them to work. It happens when you are trying to achieve something, but you run into problems. This creates an obstacle. The object of frustration can be physical (not being able to thread a needle), mental (not able to complete a puzzle), or social (not able to impress someone). It can be short-lived or growing for years (such as inability to maintain a relationship). It can be related to our inability to do things. The objects causing frustration (technology for example) can be partially blamed on your own faults such as ignorance or incompetence.

Frustration can inspire people to solve the problem, and ultimately overcome the obstacle. If they are successful, there is a feeling of satisfaction. However, if the obstacle is not overcome, the energy which has been building up over the course of events which are leading to the frustration may be expressed in less constructive ways.

So, frustration is a negative emotion associated with an obstacle which exists between a person and their goal.

There are three important sources of frustration:

• Environmental forces: This obstacle can be physical (rain, power loss, earthquake, etc.) or it may be people who obstruct the fulfillment of your wants (change of religion, social norms)

• Personal inadequacies: This can be linked to goals that are unattainable or too high for a person to successfully achieve.

• Conflict produced frustration: This occurs when a motive interferes with other motives. An example is having economic goals with an income which would not support these goals.

We all react to frustrating obstacles in different ways. Some might try the direct approach (develop new skills), while others may change or reduce the goal. Some go with an aggressive response, which may cause damage to the obstacles, withdrawing from the frustrating circumstance (leaving feelings of helplessness, inadequacy and inferiority) and compromising (mostly to save self-respect).

There are ways to face frustration, and adapt in a positive way.

1. Review - You can begin by reviewing the situation. Try to understand the gravity of the situation and adapt to appropriate measures and steps, and then act accordingly.

2. Change - You can also change your goals. If they are too high, they are a source of frustration. Adjust the goals for your abilities. Goals that are realistic and manageable are the most satisfying ones to achieve. And often big goals (I want to run a marathon) need smaller, realistic goals along the way (I will start by walking around the block tomorrow. Then run around the block). Consider substitute goals, which can give the same amount of satisfaction as original goals.

Frustration can be toxic for us, leading to resentment, negative interactions, and a seemingly perpetual state of annoyance and anger. Worse, sometimes when we attempt to ignore or suppress our frustration, it can make it even worse! Have you ever been frustrated that you’re feeling frustrated?

Psychiatrist Dr. Alex Lickerman suggests that rather than ignoring the source of our frustration, we try focusing on gratitude. When we are frustrated by a person, we can consider the things we appreciate about a person (anyone with a long-lasting marriage or close friendship has doubtless done this countless times). Though it may be difficult to do when you’re frustrated with someone, even trying to find something about them to be grateful for can distract us and help us to focus on something positive, rather than negative.

Of course, we all get frustrated with others, with ourselves, with situations. But because frustration originates in our brains, it can be hard for some to deal with it as well as others. For children with autism and Asperger’s, dealing with frustration can be especially challenging. Check out this 3 minute video for techniques to assist with frustration - they can be used to help anyone!!

Marvin the Mouse had some great tips for dealing with frustration in the video. Here is another approach to try, with 10 steps. Try working through these next time you find yourself feeling frustrated:

1. Calm down (take five deep breaths, or try to focus on a source of relaxation)

2. Clear your mind (pet an animal, go for a walk, step outside)

3. Come back to the problem, but in a calm way. Try to see it differently.

4. Describe the problem in one sentence.

5. Define why this frustrating thing concerns or worries you.

6. Think of some realistic options.

7. Make a decision and stick to it.

8. Act on your decision.

9. Get it out of your mind. Now that it is done, whatever will happen will happen.

10. Allow yourself to enjoy being done with what was frustrating you. Think about what you want to do now that the stress is gone.

Do you think those steps will work next time you are frustrated? Why or why not?

In class we will focus in on procrastination, which often leads to frustration. If we can more effectively deal with our frustrations, we can hopefully deal with procrastination better as well!

Breuning, D. L. (2014, September 23). How to Make Frustration Work for You. Retrieved from psychologytoday.com: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201409/how-make-frustration-work-you

DiSalvo, D. (2019, July 31). Science Just Found ‘Frustration Neurons’ In The Brain, And The Discovery Could Help Explain Why We Give Up. Retrieved from forbes.com: https://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2019/07/31/science-just-found-frustration-neurons-in-the-brain-and-the-discovery-could-help-explain-why-we-give-up/#545dbc648cad

Frustration. (2019, February 2). Retrieved from emotiontypology.com: https://emotiontypology.com/typology/list/frustration

Harmon, J. (2016, May 9). 10 Steps to Overcoming Frustration. Retrieved from blogs.psychcentral.com: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/your-life/2016/05/10-steps-to-overcoming-frustration/

Lickerman, D. A. (2012, February 19). How to Manage Frustration. Retrieved from psychologytoday.com: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/201202/how-manage-frustration

Why People Procrastinate: The Psychology and Causes of Procrastination. (2016, April 12). Retrieved from solvingprocrastination.com: https://solvingprocrastination.com/why-people-procrastinate/