Grief Note

Grief Note

Nobody really talks about the feeling of grief when you're at a young age. Children haven’t fully developed their feelings and brain chemistry so it’s never seen as if the child is actually affected by the death or not. I was. 

I guess you can say I was mostly mentally developed when it happened but that’s not an excuse. I was 14 years old experiencing the catastrophe that COVID-19 created while also trying to keep up with my school work and grades. 

I used to think that my family was immortal. Always telling myself that they are going nowhere and are here forever. Their life expectancy was infinity and beyond any other person 

But deep down I knew that wasn’t reality. 

In elementary school, I always witnessed my friends expressing to me that one of their family members died either while they were alive or before they were alive. I never had that experience so I never related. I didn’t know what it felt like but as I got older I started to question what grief felt like. 

That question got answered too soon.

 It was almost as if I didn’t know how to feel. Like I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I felt like I was forcing myself to show emotion the morning my mother told me. It’s a scary feeling of not knowing what to do in a situation like that. I lost my best friend, my #1 supporter, my only father figure. My grandfather. To this day I still don’t know what I lost him too and it will forever be a mystery but I accepted the fact that people get old and their bodies can’t handle the life they carry anymore. 

Dealing with grief is a forever process. Unfortunately once you experience it, normal won’t be something you are again. There is no getting over it or healing from it. A piece of it will always stick with you no matter what. And when you are a kid, it doesn’t stick as hard but it will when you get older and start to realize someone leaving your life is like a piece of you leaving as well.