Fasting note by shahd ✼
♡ - Beep beep beep. The alarm sounds waking you up for nourishment before it is taken away. It is so hard for you to open your eyes. The room is dark, besides the reassurance of your night light. The blanket is warm but the air is cold. Just how you like it. You distinctly remember setting the thermostat to 60° the night before. Just before you fell asleep, you felt the cold breeze enter your room through the slits of the vent in the ground. Shahd! Shahd, wake up right now! It’s 4:30, hurry up!
You heard the yells of your mother coming in through one ear and right out the other. You knew you should get it but it was so hard, and you, Shahd Abdalla, did not like hard things. Nevertheless, you stood. And immediately was met with the consequences of your actions. The 60° air hits you like tiny knives all over your skin. You ran to your closet for your hoodie and sweatpants.
Desperate for some armor. 4:40am, you are eating precious food that you will have to part with soon.
4:50am, you are drinking the last bit of water your throat can enjoy for the next 16 hours. 5:00am, you are already missing food.
5:20am, you are getting dressed for school. 5:40am, you are doing your makeup. 6:00am, you are not packing your lunch. 6:05am, you are not filling your water bottle. 6:15am, you are getting on the bus.
Walking to school is torture. You walk by Starbucks and feel as though you are being sucked in, even though your religion prohibits you from consuming anything throughout the day during this month. You scurry past. The first of the morning classes are a breeze. You do not feel hungry and you do not feel thirsty. It is when lunch arrives that you start shaking in your seat. Watching everyone around you eat is bothering you less than I thought it would, even then, it would be nice to have some food. Watching people eat, watching people drink, in a shameful way, it makes you jealous. You are jealous they have that ability. You start to despise them. You’re ashamed you despise them.
thank u for reading :)
- shahd ✼