On Your Own Note
They always tell you time goes by quickly that you shouldn’t waste it on the things that seem frivolous. For me, life was about playing with my friends, laughing at the most unfunny things, fighting with my sisters, wearing bright colors, going to sleep early and so many other things that I remember so vividly.
Somewhere along the way, playing with friends turned into seeing them every once in a while, laughing at the most unfunny things became crying at the slightest inconvenience. Fighting with my sisters became a connection more intimate and important. The pinks and yellows of my clothes turned into blacks and dark grays. Going to sleep early turned into training yourself to stay awake and finish assignments. Everything I ever knew as a child turned into a piece of history and nostalgia lost in the construct of time.
As the years went on, more and more responsibilities stuck to me. I went from a happy carefree child to a teenager functioning like a young adult. Worrying about colleges, financial aid, SAT’s, grades, relationships and more all while being a teenager. Thinking about simpler times with less drama and problems makes me feel nostalgic. I would do anything to experience one day as little as me again. My childhood was light and pure which makes me reminiscent of the times I once had. Now, everyone is living life on their toes waiting for their moment as their memories quickly fade away. The constant days of being dependent yet having so much freedom has turned into a portfolio of memories and moments that are getting more and more distant.
Now I sit in the rare stillness of my busy life longing for a moment I could steal from the past. Longing for a moment of playing with my friends, laughing at the most unfunny things and wearing bright colors. I long more for moments where life doesn’t feel like it’s ahead of you and you are running to catch up with it. Moments where days don’t feel like a blur and years feel like a month.
As for my parents, they guided me and coached me as a child telling me to go to sleep early and to stop playing with my food. Little did I know that these times wouldn’t last forever; rather, one day they would nonverbally say “You’re on your own”. It feels scary and overwhelming at times.