Dalal's illness and death have changed my life. I went through the hardest times of my childhood watching her suffer for almost three years. Despite what she was going through, she continued to be there for me as much as she could. While she spent most of her time at CHOP, I spent most of my time occupied with school (McCall). I never expected myself to travel all the way to the United States nor did I ever think that I would study in an American school. Because of Dalal's illness, however, many things that I thought were impossible happened, and it started with my first time coming to the United States. I was very nervous when my father told me that I would be studying there; my English was very weak and I did not see myself befriending other students since I didn't really "fit in". My first day at McCall was a nightmare I will never forget. I was scared and nervous like I had never been before because I could barely speak or understand English. It got to the point where I couldn’t even move my hands to take off my jacket in a very hot classroom. Due to my weakness in the language, I couldn’t make any friends and always sat alone staring at the American classmates lively conversing with each other, sometimes glancing at me and following with a giggle. Not knowing what was said and constantly wondering if I was made fun of tormented me. This resulted in a severe academic and social struggle that left me devastated.
When Dalal was cured in 2007, I was extremely happy not only because my sister was finally healthy, but also because I escaped the nightmare I was going through at McCall. But in 2008, I was back at McCall once more. I continued to struggle and became very depressed. I was angry at living such a demeaning life as a student, all because I was different and didn't speak English properly. I hated failure and never wanted to experience that hell again, so I took it upon myself to reshape myself and overcome those hardships. I started embracing the English language and practicing it on a daily basis, sometimes with Dalal when she was out of the hospital. Even after she passed away and we went back to Saudi Arabia, I knew that there would be a day when I would return to the United States. I did not want to feel unbelonging and powerless like I did at McCall. Dalal loved teaching me and always encouraged me to learn more, and that's what I did. Even though she was no longer with me, I knew that she would have loved to see me become an excellent English speaker.
In Saudi Arabia, I had to come up with my own methods to learn English. I implemented the language in all of my daily activities, like reading books or online articles and watching TV or listening to music. Moreover, I had to give up a native part of me in the process. We each have a voice of consciousness (inner voice) that always communicates and resonates within us in our native language. I took a big leap and changed that voice into English, a decision that would result in a permanent effect. Ever since then, I always “communicated” with myself in English and rarely in Arabic. I was able to lose the accent faster than I could remember and after years of daily practice, I finally spoke English just as fluently as I spoke Arabic.
My fluency in English served me tremendously and made me lose the sense of powerlessness I had whenever I came to the United States. Last summer (2016), I set off with my mother and two little brothers to Philadelphia for my five year old brother who has Down Syndrome and Autism. I was enrolled at the Science Leadership Academy (SLA) in Philadelphia to finish my senior year of highschool as my youngest brother Abdulaziz received his therapy at CHOP. It felt like history repeating itself, but this time without the involvement of cancer. I saw this as an opportunity to compare myself to how I was ten years ago. How I felt at SLA was radically different from how I felt at McCall. I finally saw the fruition of my fluency in English, but that wasn't the only thing it helped me with. It was my responsibility to orchestrate our trip to the United States and be in full contact with CHOP about my brother's therapy. Unlike how it was with Dalal where I was oblivious towards what her treatment was or how it was progressing, I am fully aware of my brother's therapy and have the responsibility of keeping track of its progress. While I wasn't able to do much for Dalal despite wanting to, I can now be there for my sibling who is in need. One of the things I picked up from Dalal was finding the time to support my brother despite how occupied I may be with other concerns.
Although I regret losing Dalal and will always miss her deeply, I am thankful for the things I learned throughout the painful journey. I would have never learned so much about cancer nor would I be fluent in English had it not been for the painful tragedies I faced in my childhood. I also would not be able to tell this story to support others. Learning the medical aspects of Dalal's illness and my little brother's condition intrigued me into pursuing medicine as my life-chosen career where I will transcend words in offering my support to other people and do it physically. I am truly grateful for everything I learned from Dalal and sincerely hope that our story will help other people through their struggles. Being there for our beloved ones means more than one can imagine. It can sometimes take years for people to realize how blessed they are to have someone they can always lean and depend on during their difficult times. Although it is bitterly painful to lose someone you love, there are things to learn from that experience. Those things can turn you into a person you never envisioned yourself to be, and this story is proof of that.