Scalawag Toasts

Here's to us

Who's like us?

There's very, very few

And they're all bloody dead!!

Oh dear little Flo

how I love you so

especially in your nighty

when the moonlight flits

across your tits

oh Jesus Christ Almighty!!

Friendship's the wine of life.

Let's drink of it and to it.

Wine comes in at the mouth

and love comes in at the eye;

That's all we shall know for truth

Before we grow old and die.

I lift the glass to my mouth,

I look at you, and I sigh.

Here’s to it

and for it

and to it again.

And if you ever get to it

and do not do it,

May you never get to it

to do it

again!!

Here’s to Eve, the mother of our race,

who had her fig leaves all in the right place,

and here’s to Adam, the father of us all,

who was in the right place when the leaves did fall.

Here’s to our guests.

Don’t let them rest.

Keep their elbows bending.

Tis time to drink!

Full time to think

Tomorrow when your mending.

Here’s to our wives

and here’s to our lovers,

May they mever meet!

An Irishman is never drunk as long as

He can hold onto one blade of grass and not

Fall off the face of the earth.

Here’s to you and yours

And to mine and ours.

And if mine and ours

Ever come across to you and yours,

I hope you and yours will do

As much for mine and ours

As mine and ours have done

For you and yours!

There are good ships, and there are wood ships,

The ships that sail the sea.

But the best ships, are friendships,

And may they always be.

Friends may come and friends may go,

Friends may sail away you know,

Though friends will stick through thick and thin,

Sail on out and sail back in.......

(Chin chin!!)

Here's to the four hinges of Friendship-

Swearing, Lying, Stealing, and Drinking.

When you swear, swear by your country;

When you lie, lie for a pretty woman;

When you steal, steal away from bad company;

And when you drink, drink with me.

'Twas an evening in November,

As I very well remember.

I was strolling down the street in drunken pride,

But my knees were all aflutter,

So I landed in the gutter,

And a pig came up a lay down by my side.

Yes, I lay there in the gutter

Thinking thoughts I could not utter,

When a colleen passing by did softly say,

"You can tell a man that boozes

By the company he chooses."

At that the pig got up and walked away!

On the chest of a barmaid in Sale

Were tattooed the prices of ale.

And on her behind,

For the sake of the blind,

Was the same information in Braille!

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Who loves not women, wine, and song,

Remains a fool his whole life long.