Welcome to the School Counseling monthly resource on RESILIENCY, parents and guardians!

October Resiliency

School Counselors have researched and gathered information to help support your students throughout their school aged development.  Our goal throughout the year is to share a variety of tools to help overcome common youth/adolescent challenges. We want to help your students build resilience to thrive in and out of school.

Strategies to Build Resiliency K-12

1. Practice coping strategies when calm.

Coping strategies are an important ingredient in the recipe for resilience. When kids and teens experience failure, it can feel disappointing and even devastating. Being able to cope and pick yourself back up is critical.

If we want kids and teens to be able to apply coping strategies when they are upset or overwhelmed, we need to practice them when they are calm. We also need to let failure happen and not rescue. When we rescue our kids every time they fail or come close to failing, the message is “you can’t handle this, so I will take care of it!”

2. Let kids do tasks on their own.

Kids and teens aren’t always going to do things perfectly. That’s okay! Let them do tasks on their own, even if it’s not exactly the way you would do it. This is an important step to remind kids that they can accomplish difficult tasks independently.

When we don’t let kids do tasks on their own, the opposite effect happens. Kids and teens might develop learned helplessness. They begin to believe that they can’t do a good enough job anyway, so it’s not even worth trying in the first place.

Build confidence by letting them do chores, assignments, and projects entirely on their own. There’s nothing wrong with a little help or support along the way, but when they can do it independently, let them.

3. Let kids make mistakes.

Sometimes, when we see kids about to make a mistake, our first impulse is to stop them. This is with good intentions, but sometimes the outcome can be not so good. It’s important to let kids make those mistakes.

We learn greater lessons from the times we mess up than the times we do things right. Mistakes aren’t just okay; they’re necessary. These are learning lessons every time.

Instead of jumping in to help, you might:

• Ask the child what solutions they have come up to solve the problem/mistake. A huge part of being resilience is using flexible thinking to our advantage. That’s because there is almost always more than one way to handle a problem or situation. By teaching flexible thinking, we can help kids and teens train their brains to think in more different ways.

• Imagine a student gets a quiz back and they don’t get the grade they were expecting. With rigid thinking, they might first think they are just horrible with that subject. But with flexible thinking, they can learn to stay more open-minded, and solution focused. They might say to themselves, “I didn’t do well. I know I studied, but maybe I studied the wrong material. I guess I should pay more attention to the study guide in the future.”

• Have a child talk to you through their plan for managing a problem.

• Remind them you are there to listen.

• Provide encouragement by reminding them they can do it on their own.

• Brainstorm solutions with them but let them choose.

4. Teach and model flexible thinking skills.

• A huge part of being resilience is using flexible thinking to our advantage. That’s because there is almost always more than one way to handle a problem or situation. By teaching flexible thinking, we can help kids and teens train their brains to think in more different ways.

• Imagine a student gets a quiz back and they don’t get the grade they were expecting. With rigid thinking, they might first think they are just horrible with that subject. But with flexible thinking, they can learn to stay more open-minded, and solution focused. They might say to themselves, “I didn’t do well. I know I studied, but maybe I studied the wrong material. I guess I should pay more attention to the study guide in the future.”

5. Reframe struggles as opportunities to grow.

• Setbacks are often one of our greatest chances to grow and learn. Instead of shying away from struggles, teach kids to lean into them.

• Let’s consider an example. Imagine a teen doesn’t get chosen for a sports team that they really wanted to join. They might first think, “I’m horrible. I’m just going to give up this sport.” With a change of thinking, though, they might think, “This just wasn’t my time. I wonder how I can improve. Maybe this is a chance to try another sport.” 

6. Teach that setbacks are part of life.

• Let’s normalize setbacks, struggles, and failures. These are part of life. We’ve all been through them, but for kids and teens, these situations can feel like the worst experience. We need to teach them that these are normal and healthy to go through.

• You can talk about your failures and how you’ve worked through them. Similarly, you can use characters from movies, books (more on this below), and real life to discuss people who have shown resilience. 

7. Learn and grow from failures together.

• When a child or teenager is upset about failing, talk it out. Reflection is a powerful tool. Discuss what went well and what didn’t. Consider what they might do differently next time and what lessons are learned. This can be a healthy experience after some time has passed from setbacks.

•  It’s also important to sometimes be okay with not learning anything specific. Sometimes, we just mess up. In these cases, we deal with it and move on, and that’s okay too.

8. Practice mindfulness.

 Mindfulness is a practice that helps us focus on the right now; this means not focusing on the past “what ifs” and the future “what will happen?” This is an exceptionally important skill when dealing with a setback because it’s a technique that helps center our bodies and minds to the present.

9. Teach and practice positive self-talk.

• Positive self-talk is one of the most powerful tools we can teach humans. It’s a universal technique that can be used in so many different situations.

•  Specifically in the context here, positive self-talk is a critical skill for building resilience. It’s the voice that reminds us we can get back up again, even when it feels like we can’t.

10. Use confidence-building strategies.

When kids and teens feel better about themselves, they are better suited to cope with setbacks. Having stronger confidence can be like a shield. It won’t fix all of the problems, but it can give kids and teens the tools they need to deal with challenges.

11. Encourage self-compassion.

Self-compassion is loving yourself even when you mess up. This helps kids and teens to feel happier, less stressed, and more resilient over time. Some ways to cultivate self-compassion include:

• Do something kind for yourself.

• Reminding yourself of all the reasons you are wonderful and unique.

• Practice positive self-talk (“I love myself even when I make mistakes” and “I’m a work in progress, and that’s okay).

• Do activities you enjoy.

• Practice mindfulness.

12. Teach problem-solving skills.

• In order to solve problems effectively after challenges, kids and teens need to know how. Problem-solving skills are one of the most important life skills we use every day.

• One of my favorite ways to build on these skills has always been through real-life scenarios. Ask a question and discuss how you might solve it. This can be a fun group activity as well as an important 1:1 intervention.

13. Encourage independent problem-solving.

• We all learn problem-solving skills best by having to work through problems. Having guided practice with an adult is great, but it’s also important to let kids and teens problem-solve on their own.

• Don’t be so quick to jump in and problem-solve for kids and teens. Being there to help is always a good thing, but it’s most important that they get the practice of working through a challenge on their own.

14. Practice gratitude to gain perspective.

•  Gratitude is feeling thankful for the things we have in our lives. Reciting these things is the process of practicing gratitude. When we practice gratitude, we feel happier and calmer over time. This can help kids and teens bounce back from setbacks a little easier, remembering all the positive things in their lives.

• With all that said, gratitude isn’t a magic solution, but it is a helpful tool.

15. Teach that perfection isn’t real.

•  Perfect isn’t real. It’s that simple (or is it?). Unfortunately, in our digital world, kids and teens are exposed to seeing stages pictures and edited photos every day. This sometimes leads them to believe there is a such thing as perfect. Of course, we know that’s not true.

• Let’s remind kids and teens often that perfection isn’t real and that our imperfections are really what make us beautiful.

https://www.thepathway2success.com/strategies-to-build-resilient-kids-and-teens/