Shame

Just yesterday, at our mentoring cohort with the other interns here at CBI, we discussed the topic of shame as a universal reality and the need to understand it as missionaries in Japan. Again, this conversation just happened yesterday, so I am still scratching the surface of this topic but wanted to open the conversation up to a wider audience.

Shame, according to a TED Talk by Brené Brown, a researcher in the field of vulnerability and shame, is the sense of not being enough, not measuring up. She distinguishes guilt as behavioral and shame as personal. Guilt, subjective guilt, is the feeling that I did something wrong, whereas shame is the feeling that there is something about me that is wrong. Defined in this way, I think it is safe to say that everyone has experienced shame at some point.

For example, when I was a Freshman at Biola University, after a class where the love of Christ was proclaimed in all its glory, I was brought to a breaking point. At the time, I was consciously and unrepentantly engaging in sinful habits, and hearing of God’s love revealed my guilt and sin for all its hideousness. I felt guilt. My wrongdoing became abundantly clear, so I repented of my sin, asked the Lord for mercy and grace, and received His forgiveness. My guilt was taken away, both objectively and subjectively. Objectively, my status before God went from guilty to righteous because of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection on my behalf. Subjectively, my feelings of guilt subsided too.

However, though I was forgiven, though I knew that I was no longer condemned in Christ, I still felt shame. It was less about the things I did, and more about how I felt undeserving of His love. Whenever we would sing praises about God’s love for us, I would cry, not primarily because I was so grateful and overjoyed, but rather because my aching heart couldn’t comprehend that a wretch like me could be loved by anyone, let alone God. In the classroom, I knew it to be true, and yet as I worshipped, I didn’t truly believe it. I believe that I was experiencing shame.

So where does shame originate? What does the Bible have to say about shame? Why is it important to understand these things, especially as we minister in Japan?

Shame is an effect of the fall of humanity. Before eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Adam and Eve “were both naked and unashamed” (Gen. 2:25) and after having eaten, they sought to hide themselves from each other and from God. They were ashamed. Now that they have the ability to define good and evil for themselves, their definitions may not align, they may not be good enough for the other now.

Paul picks this theme up in his second letter to the church in Corinth, saying:

The recovery from shame is not simple. Everything cannot just go back to its original innocence, back to the garden of Eden. Unlike guilt, our shame cannot be snapped away in an instant. It is often something we live with, groaning for something more. We long for our shame to mean something, to reach some fulfillment. But if recovery is not instant or simple, how do we carry on?

Through hope and courage.

We must truly believe and expect that these scars on our hearts will be glorified one day in eternity. How can we believe this? Because Jesus has “endured the cross, despising the shame” (Heb. 12:2) for us. Because God Himself “has given us the Spirit as a guarantee” (2 Cor. 5:5). Jesus has gone before us to die for our shame, and has asked the Father to give us the Spirit as a promise of future glorification.

This hope gives us courage. “We are of good courage” (2 Cor. 5:6). Courage for what exactly? To boldly believe and stay steadfast to this hope, to “walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Cor. 5:7). We need courage to keep on keeping on, despite the shame that may flare up. We need courage to cling to God’s word and the truths He declares, even though we may be experiencing suffering and pressure from the world.

I still struggle with shame, but it is not so keenly felt anymore. It is like a scar now. It doesn’t hurt so bad anymore, but it is still kind of there. It has taken years of daily courage to trust Jesus, through meditating on God’s word, proclaiming the Gospel to myself, and surrounding myself with people who are doing the same. Despite how I felt about myself, I chose to believe what God says about who He is and who I am.

So how does this connect to Japan?

To be honest, I’m still learning about this. First of all, we can see that shame is a human experience, not just a cultural device. So just as much as it applies to me, it applies to the Japanese people. Now, the outward manipulation of shame will be quite different in Japan than what I may come across in my own life, but the experience of it, I believe, is the same. Secondly, shame is largely integrated with Japanese culture. Shame is what motivates Japanese people to be good citizens. In their eyes, shame is just a seemingly necessary reality of life. To know shame is to know the Japanese heart a little better.

In this way, we can pray for the Japanese people, that they would discover hope in the Gospel. Pray that they would have courage to trust God's word and follow Him whole-heartedly. Pray that they would see the Lord as the One who, for them, endured the cross, despising the shame.

Again, these thoughts are still swirling in my head. A lot of what I have written is mostly regurgitated information and thoughts from CBI’s director Brett Rayl. You can read more in depth about his take on shame in his own three part blog posts (first, second, third). I’ve not thought about shame too much before now. So this is the first step to discovering more about myself, Japanese culture, and the hope of Christ in this regard. Wish me luck!