Na

Sometimes, Na Zhao-Exstrom doesn’t want to get up.

It’s 9 a.m. and class is about to start. Her husband pokes her – wake up! She turns over in bed and groans.

Na struggles with depression. “I’m very lazy because depression makes me very tired, very anxious, very unhappy. And I want to lie in bed the whole day,” she says.

During the pandemic, remote learning was a way to stay in school while caring for her mental health. “Sometimes I can lie in the bed during the class,” she says. She turns off her camera and listens; she’s present.

Na started taking ESOL classes at PCC Sylvania in 2018. She’s originally from China, and had completed some general education there. But she wanted to go back to school in Portland and get an accounting degree.

When she moved into general classes, however, she found some challenges. Because of her depression, “I’m afraid to socialize,” she admits, and so talking in class became difficult. Breakout rooms were terrifying; the other students talked quickly about subjects unrelated to class. She had difficulty following the conversation and felt embarrassed about her own pronunciation.

“In China, if we don’t know each other, we don’t talk,” she laughs.

Na has been practicing her speaking by working part-time in a bubble tea shop. Now she’s memorized the menu, but for a while it was hard for her to understand the customers. She would run to other employees and ask for help. Small talk was frustrating. “I am nervous if they ask me another question,” she says.

Na transferred to Portland State University in spring 2022, where she is studying accounting. She says that she misses remote classes at PCC, where she was able to watch a Zoom recording and review information again. Now, she tapes her live lectures and listens to them again at home. Her mental health has been just ok: “In person, I have been nervous and anxious,” she says.

Na hopes to pass the CPA exam and run her own business someday. Until then, she’s getting up, every day, one day at a time.