As a child, I dreamt about college. My parents were both born and raised in Mexico, unable to attend high school let alone college. Their dream of coming to the U.S. was to make it possible for their children to have opportunities that they could only imagine. Growing up, there was one thing I was repeatedly told – I had to go to college. My parents described it as this amazing experience that would produce an infinite amount of opportunities after graduation. And of course, I wanted to achieve the goals my immigrant parents had set for me – these goals that they could not achieve for themselves. I had no idea what college was like or how to get accepted, but I knew it was something I had to do.

I ended up in the middle of nowhere Minnesota. It was hard, and imposter syndrome was real. I went from a bustling city full of people from diverse backgrounds to a college with a 98% white population and a strong following by White supremacists on the internet. My first year was very difficult, and I often felt cold and alone without the ability to call home for help. I was also a target where I lived. As a Latina woman at a PWI during a tense election year, I once got Trump written in sharpie on my door. It made me think of all the difficulties my parents endured to get me where I was, and I knew that sort of harassment was only to keep people like myself out. Little did my harassers know that this discrimination only fueled my interest in equity, higher education, and psychology. I wanted students of color to feel safe on campus – we deserved to be there just like anyone else.

I feel like there is such a large focus on getting into college and graduating, but no one prepares you for the rest. I had only been told college was the goal. No one guided me through the process of navigating an institution, making it to graduation, or just getting through the day. As the days passed by, my imposter syndrome grew stronger and stronger. Eventually, I gave in and called home saying I could not do it. I did this multiple times over my four years. I felt guilty, not only for making my parents endure the pain of me leaving for college in the first place, but also for having to deal with me repeatedly crying about regretting my decision.

Eventually, I knew that I had put too much time, effort, and money into my decision. I had to involve myself in my interests and use my energy to help others that were in my position... so I kept going. My senior year, I began working on campus at the diversity and equity center as a multicultural student ambassador supporting first-generation students. It felt rewarding to be that someone that I wish I had during my first year. I understand now that sometimes being around others that understand what you are going through can be the encouragement necessary to keep going.

I ended up graduating in the spring of 2020 with more majors than I intended! My renewed motivation had pushed me to develop deep interests in racial and ethnic studies, in addition to expanding my involvement to pursue enhanced reproductive health access for communities of color. While interning with the National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League, my research focused on understanding the disproportionate impact racial identity has on reproductive health care access. I met amazing professors who guided me through the research process, and I will forever be grateful for their willingness and the extra time spent to help students like myself. Those helping hands brought me a very long way in the right direction.

It was a difficult decision, but after college, I took a gap year. My college’s career center told me they did not recommend it. I was also told that I should not apply to graduate school as most students did not successfully get in. Some professors told me about their experiences of graduate school rejections, and once again the strong feelings of imposter syndrome set in for the next part of my journey. I felt unsupported and discouraged that I had another difficult process to complete and figure out all on my own.

It was during my gap year that I found another source of inspiration unexpectedly. While working with College Possible through AmeriCorps, I focused on supporting students from marginalized communities in their college application process. Throughout many of these positions, I could not help but see myself in the students and resonate with the issues they were facing. I felt so proud working alongside them and seeing them eventually move on to their dream college. For many of these students, their parents did not fully understand how big their accomplishments were. To this day, my parents don’t truly understand what graduate school really means; they don’t know how surreal it feels to have gotten this far with minimal guidance.

So now, here I am. Honestly, it is surreal for me to think about how far I have come. When I am walking through the city, sometimes I feel the need to pinch myself to check that this is all real. Part of it comes from the excitement of this amazing city, but I also know that it comes from those deeply internalized feelings of imposter syndrome that I still carry with me. If someone tells you this simply goes away after undergrad, it’s not true! As a graduate student, it has shown up in academia, but also in my jobs and internships. I realized that I was not enjoying my accomplishments. I was not even happy for myself when I graduated college. I just kept creating larger and larger goals, but never took the time to enjoy the accomplishments of those goals when they finally came to fruition. Something had to change.

What has been most helpful to me during this process is reminding myself that I am not in a competition. It does not matter that I got a lower grade than a peer, or that I do not have perfect grades. I have to remind myself that I must not invalidate my own experiences or expect to be perfect. This is for me, and I need to slow down.

I often miss college... I wish I had enjoyed it more instead of constantly thinking about what was next. It’s something that we should all remember - the need to slow down and just enjoy. It is great that many of us are living the dreams that our parents set for us, but sometimes we need to also enjoy them. Live in your moment, take the time to enjoy yourself, and take note of where you are now and how far you’ve come.

Now, from the windy city to the big apple, I am living in the moment and letting myself be more than just my academic achievements.

Lupe Romero

Opportunity Programs Graduate Assistant, Student Programming, Support, & Outreach

GSAS MA Psychology '23