Choice Within Togetherness
Choice Within Togetherness
Restoring Agency and Resilience in Difficult Times
Restoring Agency and Resilience in Difficult Times
Embedded Files
With Miki Kashtan
With Miki Kashtan
Sundays, 13 Sep 2026 – 25 Oct 2026
Sundays, 13 Sep 2026 – 25 Oct 2026
16:30 - 18:30 Central European Time (CET)
16:30 - 18:30 Central European Time (CET)
7:30 - 9:30 a.m. Pacific Time (PT)
(find your local time here*)
(*if this time doesn't work for you, see the "Session Times, Recordings & Watch Party" section below)
7:30 - 9:30 a.m. Pacific Time (PT)
(find your local time here*)
(*if this time doesn't work for you, see the "Session Times, Recordings & Watch Party" section below)
🪶You regularly feel alone in holding the weight of life’s challenges
🪶You regularly feel alone in holding the weight of life’s challenges
🪶You are acutely aware of the global impacts of individualism and long for a clear vision of what interdependence could actually look like
🪶You are acutely aware of the global impacts of individualism and long for a clear vision of what interdependence could actually look like
🪶You are part of a community which is struggling with conflicts despite having shared values
🪶You are part of a community which is struggling with conflicts despite having shared values
🪶You want to learn how to find pathways for integrating seeming opposites such as autonomy and connection or process and results
🪶You want to learn how to find pathways for integrating seeming opposites such as autonomy and connection or process and results
We have been sold a raw deal that says that the more we have and the more we can rely on ourselves for solving problems, the better things will be. This is affecting just about all of us in the hyper-individualistic regions of the world and growing numbers of people in other parts of the world. And the results? Not what we have been promised: growing depression, alienation, anxiety, and numbness for us as individuals; growing separation between us, individually, socially, and politically; and unprecedented amounts of war and ecological destruction. And we continue.
We continue even within the growing numbers of intentional communities sprouting around the world, where so often people come together with high hopes and shared values and end up in conflict, mistrust, splintering, or power-over structures.
Is there really an alternative to this horror we are all living in different ways? How do we get out of this spiral that leads to extinction?
Not by doing the same and expecting different results.
In our modern context, we experience others’ needs as taking away our capacity to choose. We then either resist or follow along, neither of which is fun. When we live in social contexts where our choice is honored, where we are nurtured to unfold organically within the complex web of community within which all needs shape outcomes, we don’t split up choice and togetherness. We have both.
Within the Nonviolent Global Liberation (NGL) community, after nine years of experimentation, we believe that one (of many) pathways to realigning us with life is learning again to find choice within togetherness instead of treating choice and togetherness as almost mutually exclusive.
We see this as part of restoring our evolutionary lineage of the biology of love.
We believe it’s possible to find simplicity of a different kind from the ease and convenience so many of us have come to crave. Based on what we have been able to experience, which is what led to the phrase choice within togetherness, we want to share with others what opens up when we find full choice within full togetherness: the simplicity of dancing with life and with each other in flow that cares for all of us.
Program Structure and Course Outline
Seven sessions packed with dense content, with a mix of interactive presentation and practical steps for both individuals and community groups
Opportunities to integrate and practice the material in breakout groups
Pointers to additional resources for those who want to go deeper
An invitation to participate in small, self-organized mini-projects to experiment with what we cover in the live sessions
Opportunities for self-organized learning outside session times to build collective capacity and for mutual support
Multiple pathways for learning to fit a wide range of learning needs, including stories for inspiration; framing and foundational principles in support of conceptual integration; practical tools and tips to give guidance about how to apply what we cover; and vision to pull us all forward towards imagining new possibilities
Session 1 (Sept 13): Our Evolutionary Makeup in the Biology of Love
Session 1 (Sept 13): Our Evolutionary Makeup in the Biology of Love
The idea that our biology itself is one of love is at odds with everything we have been taught about human nature. And yet this is where the thinking of evolutionary biologist Humberto Maturana intersects with the archeological discoveries of Marija Gimbutas and others, with Genevieve Vaughan’s understanding of us as a “mothering species”, and with Indigenous wisdom from around the world.
This premise, just as unprovable as the prevailing theories, brings with it a host of questions which are the focus of this session. Primary among them is understanding why we are functioning as we do now if the biology of love is indeed our evolutionary makeup. (Hint: multi-multigenerational trauma). Another key one is what love actually means in this context and how it relates to the focus on choice within togetherness.
Restoring the biology of love is a long journey of realigning with life, one small step at a time, as we shift, despite all that’s happened to us individually and collectively …
from mindless living to active reflection and conscious choice
from accepting how things are to questioning what we have been taught
from exchange and instrumental relationships to orienting to each other’s needs and flows
from succumbing to social divisions and dehumanization to liberation for all
Session 2 (Sept 20): From Scarcity, Separation, and Powerlessness to Restoring Choice, Togetherness, and Flow
Session 2 (Sept 20): From Scarcity, Separation, and Powerlessness to Restoring Choice, Togetherness, and Flow
Every difficult liberation journey becomes much easier when we start with clarity about vision. The shortest version of the vision we hold within NGL is fully interdependent living. Choice within togetherness, a “we” way of living that simultaneously upholds the sacredness of each individual, is a clear and steady path to take us there. It starts with restoring choice from powerlessness, continues with situating it within restoring togetherness as we transform separation, and comes closest to the vision as we playfully surrender into the emerging flows which are restored from millennia of scarcity.
Beyond conceptual or even spiritual clarity, the focus of this session is on laying out what it actually takes to materialize an interdependent way of living and what tangible support is needed. The focus of the sessions which follow is primarily on going into more depth and specificity to unpack these core principles. Here and in the rest of this course, the power of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to restore choice, togetherness, and flow is likely to be a frequent point.
As individuals and within groups and communities, the task awaiting us is to develop, again, the capacity for choice within togetherness. This means taking on the entirety of the legacy of patriarchy and offers a clear alternative as we shift …
from independence as a goal and dependence as a failing to the radicality of interdependence as consciously depending on and caring for the whole
from my needs vs. your needs to choice within togetherness
from an individual relating to an interdependent world to being embedded within an interdependent web
from standing up to oppression to working together to liberate everyone
Session 3 (Sept 27): Purpose, Leadership, and Systems as Pathways to Fully Interdependent Living
Session 3 (Sept 27): Purpose, Leadership, and Systems as Pathways to Fully Interdependent Living
As we embark on the journey towards fully interdependent living, whether individually or collectively, we soon discover that the pull of the patriarchal mindset and ways of being is strong both within and around us. We have all internalized patriarchal patterns of thinking, speaking, and acting, we are all surrounded by others who have, too, and we live within systems which reinforce – culturally, legally, and politically – the building blocks that keep us separate from each other. This is why we came up with the idea of surrounding the patriarchal field with a field of love stronger than it: we need to be able to lean on something powerful enough that makes it possible to keep going even in the face of immense obstacles.
Through our experimentation within NGL, where we are consciously co-creating a field of love, we have identified three sources of such power to support us in moving towards vision, both as individuals and when we are already part of a group or community. The focus of this session is on understanding how each of them can give us energy.
Having a purpose, especially when it’s shared with others, pulls us in the direction of vision in a way that vision itself, and even values, don’t, because it supports us to find choice in what we do and where we put our energy and attention. Leadership, in the way that we understand it within NGL, is about caring for the whole, as its own form of love. We see it as a misunderstood path to togetherness. The more conscious leadership exists in any field, the more aligned it’s likely to be with love. Finally, conscious systems – the explicit specifying of how we function – can serve as a scaffolding to anchor the vision in flows (including what to do when flows are interrupted), which means we can lean on them without having to choose each moment freshly what to do and how to do it.
Leaning on all of them means shifting …
from leaning on values and relationships to leaning on the clarity that comes from knowing what is ours to do
from leader decides all to co-creation within a led field
from leaning on individual capacity to leaning on shared understandings that care for all of us
Session 4 (Oct 4): Deindividualizing to Realign with Life’s Flows
Session 4 (Oct 4): Deindividualizing to Realign with Life’s Flows
Even when we don’t like how things are, much of the time we are in some form of flow. These flows, which are rarely made explicit, carry us through our days: what we do when we start the day, how we care for food, what we do to contribute to life, what we tell each other and what we don’t, and how we learn from all that happens to improve the flows. The material movement towards choice within togetherness takes its full form when we start shaping these flows to match our intention.
This is a vast territory and the focus within the session is on the basic principles that we can use to begin to chart the path, as ongoing support is likely to be needed to stay the course. Looking at flows in this way can bring even more tenderness to why the journey is difficult as we discover how wide the gap is when we attempt to shift …
from should, have to, and must to distributing the stretch in relation to what’s needed and what resources are available based on willingness and capacity
from self-judgment to knowing ourselves and co-holding our limitations as information for the whole
from reproducing patterns related to power differences to active engagement with everyone’s needs, perspectives, ideas, concerns, and gifts
from selective information sharing “as needed” to full transparency in care for the whole
from conflict avoidance to sharing impacts in support of collective learning
Session 5 (Oct 11): Decision Making: Integrating All Needs into Solutions that Work for Everyone
Session 5 (Oct 11): Decision Making: Integrating All Needs into Solutions that Work for Everyone
Flows never last. Whatever the cause of flow being interrupted – we run out of toilet paper; a project comes to an end; or we discover difficult information – what comes next is crucial. If trust is low at that time, this will likely lead to conflict, which is the topic of the next session. If, however, we function within a high trust environment, something else is possible. We can then pause, collect all relevant information, and make a decision about how to restart the flows given what has happened. What we decide in such cases is how to flow resources to known needs with the least amount of unwanted impacts based on purpose, willingness, and capacity. When in ongoing flows, this can be so seamless that it almost becomes part of the flow.
Decision making is one of the areas of human functioning where choice with togetherness is deeply tested, because it calls on our big brains’ capacity for collaboration through integrating complex information into collective wisdom. The focus of this session is on what are agreements, structures, and processes that support making decisions, both individually and within groups, which both nourish and lean on choice within togetherness. Although on some level this is all very simple, getting there from where we usually are entails many dramatic shifts …
from either/or thinking to integrating information about needs, impacts, and resources
from top-down or consensus to integrating concerns for decisions to work for everyone
from resisting others making decisions for us to being empowered to shape the outcome of decisions
from following those who are most habituated to speak and decide to finding pathways to include what’s important for everyone
from deadlock about preferred strategies to identifying noncontroversial essences
from domination or compromise to wholehearted willingness
Session 6 (Oct 18): Conflict Engagement: Increasing Capacity when Trust Is Lost
Session 6 (Oct 18): Conflict Engagement: Increasing Capacity when Trust Is Lost
No matter how much choice within togetherness we have integrated, there is only so far we can go when we live within patriarchal societies. Sooner or later, usually sooner, we run into capacity limits that lead us down the path of mistrust, which is when conflict erupts. Given that we are, at this time, a low-capacity species, this means that challenges which before patriarchy were likely small enough for us to metabolize within togetherness now exceed our capacity and land in conflict. What, then, do we do in relation to conflict and what does choice within togetherness have to do with it?
Conflict is also a prime context in which we are likely to re-separate choice from togetherness because of the prevalence of mistrust within patriarchal societies. This is when the move towards restoring choice and togetherness, even when significant impacts have happened, is crucial and when leadership with love can play a key role. This is when all we have learned about leadership and purpose is key to the necessary shifts …
from conflict between us to a dilemma that we hold together
from who is to blame to understanding everyone’s perspective and needs
from holding people accountable to sharing impacts with truth and care
from relief and healing to transforming judgments and enemy images
from leadership as deciding outcomes to leadership as weaving togetherness
from outcomes that reproduce power differences to outcomes that support everyone’s liberation
Session 7 (Oct 25): Where Do We Go from Here?
Session 7 (Oct 25): Where Do We Go from Here?
If we are serious about surrendering to the flow of life, then it’s not entirely possible to plan any response to this question until the actual experience of being together in the previous weeks comes into being. What’s here is only an approximation, mostly as questions, of what might become the focus of this session.
What have we learned in these weeks about choice within togetherness?
What might be next steps that can take us closer to fully interdependent living – within our relationships, in our projects, as members of the communities we are part of, and as groups of people?
Is there anything we can do to support each other here on our journey of deindividualizing?
Is there anything that we can do to make this journey less daunting and more appealing to others we may want to invite into it who haven’t been with us so far?
Is there anything for any of us to continue to do together after this course is over?
Additional Resources
Additional Resources
Here we offer you a list of additional resources that might be helpful for deepening your understanding of the topics of each of the sessions.
Session Times, Recordings & Watch Party
This course takes place on seven Sundays: 13 Sep 2026 – 25 Oct 2026
16:30 - 18:30 CET / 7:30 - 9:30 am PT (find your local time here*)
Anyone who registers for the full course will have access to all seven session recordings.
We encourage you to register even if you are unable to attend the live sessions.
*If this time doesn't work for your time zone, we also offer an online gathering (a "watch party") each Wednesday during the course at 1pm AEST/AEDT (find your local time here), to watch the recording and engage in breakout conversations together. Please register and indicate your interest in the watch party.
Gift Economy
We are offering this course entirely as a gift! We never charge for anything we offer. At the same time, we completely depend on financial gifts given to us freely to sustain our capacity to do what we do and continue to offer what is ours to offer. We provide much more detail about all this in the registration form.
Ideally, you would think through for yourself how much makes sense for you to give us, and we are well aware that this is often a difficult task for people who are not used to the gift economy.
Any step you take outside of considerations of "market value" will support a gradual shift towards needs-based distribution of resources. Which direction will this stretch you toward: Giving more than you imagine such a course would otherwise "cost" (generosity) or giving less than that amount (receptivity)?
This is the first course we are offering entirely on our own, without any outreach support from the NVC Academy. Overall, our sense is to ask for about $25,000 to come to us through this course, and, as always, we release into mystery about what will actually come.
We want to repeat: we take genuine pleasure in knowing that many people who do not have the means to give us gifts are regularly attending our offerings – usually about half the people don't give anything. At the same time, we depend on others who do have the means to do so to give us financial gifts to keep doing what we are doing. Each time you participate in one of our offerings, we invite you to reflect anew on this request.
*Making your decision about whether and how much to give*
Ideally, you would take time to think through for yourself how much makes sense for you to give to us. We know this can feel unfamiliar, and sometimes challenging, especially if you are not used to the gift economy. As a result, we are offering you guidance in choosing how much to give – and only if it is helpful.
If the options below feel confusing or are a barrier for you to join, and you would like to contribute a different amount, please choose the amount you give. This is actually our preference – that you choose your amount from within and not based on what we say below.
For those who have the means: $1000
Many people will not be able to contribute anything, and if there are some who give significant amounts, it makes it easier for the entire group to sufficiently attend to our needs
Average sustainability estimate: $250
If approximately 200 people register, as we currently anticipate based on responses so far, this would mean an average of about $125 per person. However, since up to half of participants typically do not contribute anything at all due to lack of capacity, this would mean an average of at least $250 per contributing participant for this course, to support our sustainability. We are more than happy for people to make monthly gifts over time, even beyond the end of the course, to make this easier.
Increased Accessibility: $15
If you are from a marginalized group; or part of the global south, regardless of where you live, and would like guidance on how much to give, this amount is 6% of the amount above that we just estimated would be generally sustainable for us.
What works for you
Just a reminder again that the above are just guidelines to help you navigate, and if you are clear that none of these work for you, then please choose your amount, including, again, zero.
Again, more detailed information about our needs and our approach is offered when you register for the course.
Registration
You are warmly invited to click here for more details and to register.
Curious, but want to give it a try before registering for the full course?
You are welcome to sign up for the first session only without any commitment.
Miki Kashtan is a practical visionary pursuing a world that works for all, exploring the application of the principles and tools of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to social transformation. She dreams of local and global systems based on care for the needs of all life. In her work with individuals, she focuses on supporting movement towards rapid empowerment in service of the whole. In her work with organizations, she focuses on creating and supporting collaborative systems and processes. In her work with multi-stakeholder groups, she focuses on transcending polarization and advocating for solutions that work for everyone. Inner freedom, nonviolence, dialogue, collaboration, interdependence, leadership, conscious use of power, and a commitment to structural change are the lenses through which she looks at every moment and interaction. Some of her deepest sources of inspiration are many feminist theoreticians, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Marshall Rosenberg, Mary Parker Follett, radical economics, and the commons movement. Miki strives to bring together theory and practice, spiritual commitment and conceptual clarity, radical vision and practical applications, heart and mind, self and other, personal change and social transformation.
If you have questions, please reach out to the event support pod at
choice-within-togetherness-stewarding-pod@nglcommunity.org.
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