I find myself wanting a mask at all times

I don’t mean mask as in a clowns nose with makeup

Or a mask used for Halloween.

I wanna be Harry Judick

I wanna be Fernando Ramirez.

I wanna be anyone, but Adam Rivera.

I’ve gotten to know myself a lot over these 14 years.

I'm afraid to find love because I don’t want my children to be anything like me.

I’ve learned to dislike myself just as much as others do.

I hate the choices I make, and I hate the way I can carry on with life after making those choices.

I wouldn’t call it a horrible life.

I’d say it’s more, glasses to a foggy eyed vision.

A stick to a blind man, something that helps me realize that my personality isn’t one that I in anyway enjoy to live with.

I look at myself and I can only be reminded of regret.

I wish everyday personality would be more like my friends.

More like the popular guys, and the people who are social.

I hate the way I talk,

I hate the way learn

I would love to be someone else.

I would love to have people look at me differently.

I wish people would be happy to see me, but I know I’ll never reach that.

But maybe another me will. One with the mask.

And I daydream of a time where I can love myself, for myself.