You are shrouded by the shadow of the magnolia tree and overhead gazebo. It’s a family reunion, the biggest one as far as anyone can remember. Your widowed grandmother mingles with everyone, avoiding the gazebo. You knew how she felt about “children of your nature.” You and the other unwanted 16, 17, and 18 year olds discuss fetishes.

“You really think foot fetishes are the worst?” the girl with Vanta-black hair asks the shorter girl beside her. You think her name was Lilly.

“Absolutely” says Lilly.

“What about masochism?” Raven girl responds.

“That’s a kink, not a fetish.” Noah says, fiddling with a loose thread. Noah was the only cousin you consistently stayed in contact with. There was nothing particularly appealing about his personality, you weren’t best friends, just old friends. You were never one to care about hygiene but Noah had the worst cuticles you’d ever seen. Every finger had a bloodied hangnail; chunks of skin, jagged and peeled. His nails were rusted or black, not from dirt but from whatever troublesome antics his nails had to suffer from.

“Who cares” Wade says. “Who wants a smoke?” He pulls out his lighter and three cigarettes.

“Me,” you respond. Lilly scrunches her nose and sticks out her tongue.

“That’s a nasty habit, ya know.” The girl with black hair nudges her ribs with her elbow.

“Shut up, Lola, what do you know?”

“More than you, Alex.” Lola and Alex, you think, tucking it away for future reunions.

You let Wade light your cigarette and you both take a synchronized hit. You puff the smoke behind you, common smokers courtesy, to avoid blowing it in the face of others.

You turn to see your grandmother with her arms folded. She makes her way up the steps of the gazebo. She’s got crows feet at her eyes and smile lines. You’ve never seen her smile a day in her life. She must've been pretty when she was younger, you think.

She pulls the cigarette swiftly out of Wade’s mouth and stomps it out. She points a bony finger at him; it’s surprisingly steady for a woman of her age.

“You continue at the rate you’re going and you’ll sound like your uncle.”

Wade rolls his eyes. “Which uncle?”

“Gary. The one with a hole in his throat.” Noah says. It doesn’t produce a response from Wade but you can see the cognitive wheels in his head turning. Your grandmother makes her way back down the steps. You take another swig and puff outwardly. Something in Wade’s face switches as he watches your chest rise and fall.

“Hey,” he calls out, “what about her?” She looks back for a moment and locks eyes with you. She gives you a look, like she sees something in you she sees in herself. A look that says you are somehow tethered in impossible ways. That you drove the two hours cramped between cousins to be there, standing on her gazebo smoking a cigarette and it was exactly where you needed to be. She breaks eye contact so curtly, you would stumble backwards if you weren’t supported by the wood behind you.

“She’s got time,” she says. Wade scoffs and waits until she’s well out of ear shot.

“This blows,” he says, shooting his middle finger to the back of her head. The girls giggle.

“Coward” Alex says. You still think of her as raven girl; Alex doesn’t suit her but you’d never tell her that. You stomp out your cigarette, a peace offering for Wade’s sensitive ego. He rolls his eyes but you know he appreciates it.

“Come on, this is boring” Lola says, dragging Raven girl by the sleeve of her hoodie. Noah chews at his finger with intense focus but pushes himself off the gazebo to follow in suit. With everyone gone, the lay of the land is much more beguiling than you initially realized. There are ponds with coy fish that swim idly around lily pads and masses of moss. Magnolia trees host birds and squirrels that seem to know the land well. The matriarch of the nest is a domineering one. She squeaks commands and brings home all the worms to the newborns. She’s like your grandmother, you think.

Wade looks to you, and motions for you to follow the group that’s much farther ahead now.

“No thanks, I’ll stay here awhile. I’ve got time,” you say.

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