i see the pinks

i see the greens

i see the yellows

i see the love

i see the hope

i see the happiness

i see the birds that flock

i see the clouds that rise above

i see the airplanes trying to navigate it

i see the people looking up

i see the people who wonder if it has always been this beautiful

i see the people who wonder if it will always be this beautiful

i see the people who just live in the beauty of it all

i see the people who wake at morning hours to watch the sun rise

i see the people who tiptoe outside mid evening to watch the sun fall

i see the young who stare at it awestruck

i see the old who smile at it from their homely front porches

i see the colors of the sky.

all of it.

always.

searching. longing. waiting.

trying to find it

the wind sways the long golden grass

mid spring, flowers bloom

hues of blush pink and lavender brush over

eyes flutter open, color returning

soft music wafts the almost ethereal scene

ocean blues drift slowly across the canvas of sights

a fairytale

a daydream

mystical, magical, breathtaking

graceful ballerinas move in such leisure

delicate, subdued...

eyes turn, looking at the moon

the moon is in peace

harmonious even

everything just moves in slow motion

the river finds its place in the center

the waters look calm

one blinks

and looks at the waters once again

the waters look disturbed now

it seems faster paced

the moon has now shrank away, afraid

eyes wander, looking for it, begging it to come back out

the ballerinas falter, expressions dropping

blunt, sharp, but still breathtaking

a nightmare

an abyss of nothingness

nothing could possibly make it better

the ocean blues turn dark, shrieking

the music intensifies, pausing everything

violent reds and soulless blacks scribble over the once beautiful canvas

now it is winter once again, the flowers wilt, knowing their chapter had come to a close

the wind still sways the golden grasses, making them look almost otherworldly

was it really what it looked like?

was it really that perfect?

could it really get that out of hand?

perhaps it's the river...

it distorts your perspective

it ripples causing even the slightest changes

it casts waves that shape the destinies of those who meet it

is finding the river a good thing?

what can someone do to stay away from the river?

i hope i never find the river, one said

it's inevitable

you don't go seeking the river...

the river yearns for you

it pushes you down

but it picks you back up

the river changes you

the person who emerges from the other side of the river is changed

change is important

change molds everything in life

change can be breathtaking

the river can be breathtaking

stop searching. stop longing. stop waiting.

let the river find you

it's difficult to know someone when you've never met them

sometimes it's easy

sometimes you know them even if you've never met them

you can feel their energy

you can feel their soul

almost like a shiny red ruby

set into a circular halo of diamonds

all attached to a brassy gold band

an heirloom

it's interesting how you can almost feel someone trying to pull you into a hug

i've never met you

i've never gotten to experience a life in which i come to you for advice, for anecdotes about your day, for quiet cups of hot chocolate while we watch the bustling world

i've heard the stories though

i've heard about the day you cradled me in your arms the day i was born

maybe i did know you

for a brief moment

just over a year

368 days

a moment

just a split second in the history of time

i may have never gotten to hear you sing

but at least i have your ring

it's the hurt you get knowing they're somewhere else

they're somewhere else happy

someone else is making them happy

they aren't thinking about you

while you cry, they live their life

maybe you didn't mean as much to them as you thought you did

maybe all that time was for nothing

when did they decide you weren't worth it

when did they decide they could live a life you weren't involved in

when did they decide to let it all go

everyone grows

they change in the process

i wonder how much of that change i owe to you

how many of my decisions have been influenced by you

how many times has your name crossed my mind

i wonder how my life would've gone if you had never stepped into it

if our paths had never crossed

despite it all, i'm glad

i'm glad i met someone who's gotten me through the ups and downs of this crazy life we live

i'm glad to know someone like you who always brings out the best in me

i'm glad that no matter how chaotic this world might become, i have someone to call my home

maybe it's fate

destiny perhaps

maybe the stars aligned right this time

when i look at you, i feel everything else melt away

i wish you saw yourself in that way too

i wish you knew how much you mean to me

i wish you knew how much i think about you

about the way you smile and show off a dimple

about the way your dreams are bigger than anything

about the way your eyes light up when something amuses you

i wish you knew that more than anything, i want you

i wanted you then

and i still want you now

do you know?

i wish you knew

it's innocent

all in fun and games

no one gets hurt

not you, not me

you'll never even know

no one will ever know

besides, there's another

one who has kept my heart for ages

one who i've wanted longer than i can remember

one who once wanted me as well, but turned away

perhaps it's time to find someone new

perhaps i've already found them

perhaps they're right in front of me

a glimmer of hope still stands

my mind always flashes back to that one smile

that one dimple

that one set of eyes

that one big dream and the person behind it

one who holds your heart wouldn't willingly hand the keys to a new tenant

perhaps there was room in my heart for both

alas, that will never be true...

for i still have to choose

"finder's keepers"

they all say

"you'll find that one person"

they all say

but i found you first

so why does someone else get to keep you?

"finder's keepers"

they all say

except the finder was never me

maybe i'm not that special

maybe it's the same for everyone

maybe you call everyone pretty

maybe you're just naturally flirty

maybe you tell everyone about your day

maybe you talk to everyone like they're the most important person in the world

maybe you tell everyone you miss them and want to see them soon

maybe you share music recommendations with everyone

maybe you text everyone at random hours of the night

maybe you spontaneously call everyone when you're bored

maybe i've just been thinking about it too much

savoring it too much

hoping it's what i think it is

maybe that's just who you are