My Philosophy

Origin of The Three Rules

In 2006, my wife and I participated in a Parental Empowerment seminar for parents in the hemophilia community. I don't remember very much from that weekend retreat, but I do remember the ground rules that were established for us participants...

DON't HARM Yourself

DON'T HARM OTHERS

DON'T HARM YOUR ENVIRONMENT

It struck me how simple these ground rules were. I thought back to school days, where our student handbook was simply an ever-increasing list of possible infractions and the associated penalty, where each year's amendments were an exact compilation of all the things the prior year's kids "got away with." But they seemed to work. No people or places were harmed at our retreat.

I never liked the idea of establishing a laundry list of rules for our kids to follow. We expected them to develop their own common sense and intuition to make their best decisions. But how can they simplify that rubric?

On the way home from the retreat, I thought about how our simple ground rules seemed to cover every possible situation, but they were poorly framed. Why so negative? Let's make them Shalls, not Shall Nots. "Don't Harm" became "Take Care Of."

We didn't want our kids to simply avoid harm. We wanted them to always strive to make things better. These immediately became our only House Rules.

The Wilkes Family House Rules (2006 - 2022)

The simplicity of these rules made it very easy for us to point out what was important and how our kids could develop their own critical thinking and decision-making skills. We could either suggest something like helping with dishes, or we could offer a gentle reminder if they were doing something they shouldn't. I can't tell you how many times simply saying, "Rule Number 2!" became a quick way to end a sibling confrontation.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Eat healthy foods

Brush your teeth

Study hard in school

Exercise

TAKE CARE OF OTHERS

Give gifts

Volunteer

Make friends

Be a good listener

TAKE CARE OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT

Clean your room and make the bed

Mow the lawn

Wash dishes

Take out the trash

But Something Else Was Missing

For over 15 years, the Three Rules had served our family well. But in 2022 I realized there was a fourth element that had to be tended and nurtured just as much as the other three.

We had originally modified the "Don'ts" to "Dos" so that the simple act of following the rules required an element of service in the world — acts of creation and healing.

Service was a core aspect of our character. It's how my wife and I met in high school and it's something we've always held dear.

In 2022, the answer to a question I didn't even know I had was revealed to me. "Why am I here?"

WHY am I here?

Why am I here?

Why AM I here?

Why am I here?

The answer I received isn't important for this story, but this realization was an epiphany. The fourth element was my PURPOSE.

PURPOSE

It took me a long time to pin this one down. How could I explain it without getting religious or spiritual? How would this apply to anyone, regardless of their background?

In the end, I realized there were numerous synonyms for this element, including:

Purpose

Talent

Raison d'être

Passion

Gift

Spirit

Soul

Skill

Joy

Faith

Essence

Mission

A note about faith and religion

I don't say much about religion, but that doesn't mean I'm not religious. And does it even matter? I believe what I believe and I believe that we all have an individual relationship with whatever we believe to be at the heart of creation.

I adhere to a spirit of Practical Faith and Personal Piety.

Practical Faith: Your faith should be evident by your actions, not worn like an advertisement.
Personal Piety: Your connection with your creator is your own private relationship.

In other words, keep your religion to yourself. I'll know you by your deeds.

"Faith" — as I've listed above — does not mean proselytizing your specific brand of religion.

Which brings us to...

The Four Rules

Take Care of
Yourself

Take Care of
Others

Take Care of
Your Environment

Take Care of
Your Purpose

The Number 1 Rule is to look out for Number 1.

What could be simpler than that?

This does not mean you can ignore the other three rules, however. Taking care of oneself is essential to be able to uphold the other three rules. It is neither exclusionary nor primary.

Rule Number 2 is all about Service to Others.

Family, Friends, and Community.

It doesn't matter whether you know them or not, we're all in this crazy world together.

We all have inherent value and insight, and it's important to recognize each others' needs.

Rule Number 3 is likewise pretty simple.

Try to leave the physical world a better place than you found it. Treat the environment with respect, as we wouldn't be here without it.

Rule Number 4 is what you make of it.

This one is personal and different for every individual. Only you can figure out what this is, and for some of us it takes a very long time.

Like Rule Number 1, it cannot exclude or violate the other 3 Rules, which makes the other 3 rules an easy litmus test for validating your purpose.

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