When we feel caught in unexpectedly stressful situations, our hardwired “fight, flight, freeze and please” (FFFP) instincts often kick in, narrowing field of focus, elevating blood pressure and reducing higher thought processes. These instinctual reactions occur despite the absence of a survival threat-- what evolution equipped us as a species to address over countless generations.

This is what psychologists call an "amygdala hijack." Instead of giving our autonomic systems free rein over our actions, we can take steps to put our higher brains back in charge:

Know your own typical "FFFP" symptoms and acknowledge that you can't (and shouldn't try) to stop them.

• • Some common signs are sweaty palms, clammy skin, clenched jaw, and flared nostrils. Some slightly more subtle reactions may include feelings of stupor, feelings of dread and sudden tears.

  • Thankfully, because the amygdala is autonomic, it has a fairly limited "toolbox" of response actions. So, what an amygdala hijack looks and feels like for you will likely not involve a broad range of behaviors.

  • Regardless of the specifics, the key is to notice the physical and emotional reactions that seem to arise instantaneously in non-pleasurable settings without conscious thought or reflection.

Tell yourself "I will address this."

• • Tell your brain that you are going to address this situation at the appropriate time. Literally make a commitment to yourself— perhaps even out loud, if circumstances permit— that you will exercise your power to choose a response and that you will not simply react (which includes freezing up and avoiding).

  • You can acknowledge you don’t know what addressing the situation appropriately looks like at the moment, but that you will figure it out.

Give those brains some processing space!

• • If you choose to respond verbally, deliberately pause one or more times mid-thought. This buys time for your brain and others’ brains to catch up. It also builds anticipation, allowing you to claim a degree of power in a healthy way.

  • If you choose not to respond verbally at the moment, let others know you plan to respond to the issue at a time and place that will allow you to respond in a way most conducive to respectful resolution. Sometimes, all that involves is nodding slowly without any words. In other cases, it may involve acknowledging what happened from your perspective and requesting a follow-up discussion.