Elevating Interests over Positions
A story is told of two siblings who got into a fight over the last remaining orange in the kitchen. Both said they wanted the orange for a meal they were preparing. They argued about who had eaten all the oranges. They argued about who deserved the last orange most. Eventually, they decided to let a parent slice the orange and be done with it. The result was two less-than-ideal dishes. It was only then that they discovered that one sibling wanted the juice for french toast and the other wanted zest for a pie.
Of course, real life negotiations and problem-solving involve more than distinguishing juice from zest. But our natural tendency to fixate on preferred solutions-- our positions-- can lead to tremendous missed opportunities in a similar way. "Peel back the skin" (theirs and your positions) and satisfy more of your real interests with these steps:
Identify what others involved want you to do and ask yourself (and them, when possible) "why?"
Often, people don't know why they want something, or they stopped considering the "why" once negotiations begin.
To compound the problem, once people settle on a position, it feels threatening to examine the position because it is perceived as a threat to core identities: competency, value, worth. It also feels vulnerable to share one's own "why." So, people fixate on positions instead.
For example: How often do you find yourself saying to a friend about someone with whom you are in conflict, "if they would just..." (or something like it)?
Find a common value or values underlying your counterpart's position(s) and your position
Keep broadening the scope until you arrive at a shared value related to the positions.
A foundation of common values orients parties toward problem-solving and away from positional clashes.
For example, "You and I both believe Channel Islands should have a valued place within the Academy."
Frame ideas as "first draft" proposals (options) tied to common values
Be open and bold about the importance of your interests, and curious and respectful about their interests
Lead with values and interests before positions. In fact, focus on options instead of positions.
Disagree with priorities and "interest satisfaction effectiveness" for options generated, not positions and personalities.