What's the Alternative?
"Take it or leave it!" It's a phrase most people dread hearing. We hate it is because it suggests giving someone what they want is the only option. But in reality, there are always things we can do in the absence of agreement. In many instances, we may have more alternatives than we have considered. And our counterparts may not have as many alternatives as they want you to believe.
Human beings are wired for collective action. Collaboration has proven to be an invaluable survival technique for our species. However, the dark side of our general preference for collective action is that a perceived failure to meet someone's expectations often leads to anxiety. To minimize anxiety and generate the best options for ourselves and for those who depend on us, consider the "Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement" or "BATNA":
Distinguish options from alternatives
If an idea for meeting your interests requires even passive acceptance by a counterpart in a negotiation or discussion, then it is an option. If you can meet your interests unilaterally or with A different person's help, then it is an alternative.
A simple example of an option would be a child doing an extra chore in exchange for additional Internet time from the parent. An alternative would be the parent doing the chore or bringing in someone else to do the chore.
Consider as many alternative paths to satisfy your interests as you can, and then make the best alternative "doable"
Be specific and concrete possible in developing your alternatives, but don't beat yourself up if information and time are limited.
Having a firm idea of which alternative is best for yourself, and a fair idea of what your counterpart's BATNA may be helps avoid extremes.
An example of a discussion around BATNAs might sound like: "I can clean the closet this weekend but I'd rather go on a long hike. And...I know you have a tournament online you would like extended Internet time to compete in before then. What arrangement can we make?"
Frame BATNA discussions as "reality testing" offers rather than as threats or perceived threats
Be open and bold about the importance of meeting your interests, while acknowledging it may not be possible to meet your's and their interests fully through agreement.
In high-stakes negotiations or long-term relationships, lead with values and interests before raising alternatives; an understanding of interests is the foundation of any effective negotiation.
A weak BATNA for yourself or your counterpart is not a cause for alarm or a requirement for exploitation. It is simply an incentive for creativity.
An example of "reality testing" around BATNAs might sound like: "Is this the kind of tournament where a laptop at Starbucks will give you the leveling up you're looking for?"