Post-Separation Abuse

Shining A Light On Hidden Abuse After Separation

You have taken the brave step to leave your abusive relationship, but the reality is that the abuse doesn’t necessarily end when you walk away. In fact, it can often continue, sometimes even escalating in new forms.

This is what we refer to as post-separation abuse.

Post-separation abuse occurs after the end of a relationship and is particularly prevalent for individuals who share children with their ex-partner due to ongoing contact. This form of abuse can take many forms, including emotional manipulation, financial control, harassment, and intimidation. It’s driven by the abuser’s desire to maintain power and control, even after the relationship has ended.

For many survivors, post-separation abuse continues to cause trauma long after the relationship has ended. Co-parenting with an abuser under these circumstances can be especially challenging. The ongoing manipulation and control through shared parenting responsibilities can be emotionally exhausting for the victim, leaving them constantly navigating the abusive behaviours that don’t stop with the end of the relationship.

This is why it’s so crucial for survivors to have access to ongoing support, helping them regain control over their lives and break free from the cycles of abuse that continue even after separation. And that’s where Mums In Need comes in. We are here to offer the support and resources needed to empower women to reclaim their independence and build safer, brighter futures for themselves and their children.

Harassment and Stalking

The abuser may persist in contacting you through phone calls, texts, social media, or in person, despite clear boundaries. They may show up uninvited or follow you in public spaces, causing fear and distress.

Manipulation Through Children

The abuser may use your children as a means to control or manipulate you. They might make false accusations, refuse to adhere to visitation agreements, or use the children to relay hurtful messages or create conflict.

Financial Control

The abuser may continue to control your finances even after separation, refusing to contribute to shared financial obligations, or making it difficult for you to access money, potentially using child support or spousal support to maintain dominance.

Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation

The abuser may try to distort your perception of events, deny previous conversations or agreements, and make you doubt your reality. They might try to convince you that you are overreacting or that you are to blame for the abuse.

Threats and Intimidation

The abuser may make threats, whether direct or indirect, to instil fear in you. These threats could involve harm to you, your children, or your property. They may also use threats of legal action to maintain control.

Controlling or Dictating Parenting Decisions

Even after separation, the abuser may try to control your parenting decisions, criticise your choices, or undermine your authority. This is often done to maintain a sense of control over the household and you.

Public Humiliation or Defamation

The abuser may attempt to discredit you in front of family, friends, or in the community. They may spread lies about your character or your parenting skills in an effort to ruin your reputation.

Refusal to Follow Legal Agreements

The abuser may refuse to comply with child custody, visitation arrangements, or other legal agreements made post-separation. They might disregard court orders or refuse to sign necessary documents, making it difficult to move forward.

Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

The abuser may withdraw emotionally, engage in silent treatment, or act cold and distant in a way that punishes you. They may also manipulate situations to make you feel guilty or responsible for their actions.

Public Humiliation or Defamation

The abuser may attempt to discredit you in front of family, friends, or in the community. They may spread lies about your character or your parenting skills in an effort to ruin your reputation.

Legal Abuse and Refusal to Follow Legal Agreements

The abuser may misuse the legal system to maintain control by filing excessive or unnecessary legal claims, dragging you through endless court battles, or misrepresenting facts in legal documents. They may refuse to comply with child custody, visitation arrangements, or other legal agreements made post-separation. They might disregard court orders, refuse to sign necessary documents, or manipulate the legal system to create obstacles, making it difficult for you to move forward and regain control.

Isolation Tactics

The abuser may continue to isolate you from your friends, family, or support network, either by making you feel guilty for spending time with others or by directly telling you to avoid certain people.

Here is an informative video created by Survivor Family Network on recognising the 7 signs of post-separation abuse:

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