I used to have a very fixed mindset until I learned there were other options. The Fimbel Lab in particular reminds me of this because I had a lab very similar to it in my school. I never wanted to use it as a freshman because I was stuck on "Engineering is not my thing, I'm not good at metal or woodworking. I can't do this" (Very fixed) But after graduating and kind of being forced to use the lab I grew very fond of it. Now I really enjoy working with saws and other big tools I originally never thought I'd ever let myself near! Looking to new skills feels exciting and like a new thing to tackle instead of a drag that I'd rather run away from.
I'm very used to the feelings of being alienated from my peers. Whether it was because of my learning difference, my personality or other factors about me didn't matter I just knew I didn't quite fit the mold for other kids my age which made it really hard to find circles that would accept me as I was. I remember the story you told us in class about how you felt similarly granted for a different reason, but it still resonated with me heavily. Even though Computer Science has always felt like something I was kind of told to do rather than enjoy, but when I'm in your class I find myself starting to enjoy it despite the difficulty it presents in and outside of class. It's nice to feel included in conversations and share struggles with my peers. I don't feel like I'm failing but instead that we are all just having our own trials and tribulations and it's not shameful or looked down upon to ask for help either.
Looking at belongingness again I thought about a presentation I had to do for my LatinX Studies class. I don't really know anyone in that course and I've heard people scoff when I try to talk. I was nervous about trying to make a whole presentation and getting judged by those who did not appreciate my presence. It was a familiar feeling from when I was bullied in grade school I was partnered with a random classmate and we had to present together. I got paired with an extremely smart senior whose knowledge of the class and its topics far exceeded mine. She herself was a Latina. I procrastinated on the assignment a bit and then I saw her part of the presentation. Walls and walls of text, paragraphs rich in information, and captivating opinions married it all together. I was frozen in fear just looking at it. My high school trained us to excel at PBL (project-based learning). Presentations, Exhibitions, and Demos are all things that I'm very used to being the best at. This anxiety led me to procrastinate to the very very last minute and I created a presentation I wasn't proud of but was satisfied with. It was formulated quite differently than my partner and I was scared that would put me at a disadvantage when the professor was grading it. I was wrong. The professor loved the contradiction in our presentation and said it made it more interesting for the audience since hers was more information-based while mine was more audience interaction-based. the senior was very sweet to me afterward and checked on me to make sure I was okay cause I was clearly nervous the whole time we worked together. That made me feel like at least I have one person I can look to in that class when I don't understand, or want the confidence to ask a question, or be bold enough to ask one.
As someone with ADHD and difficulty dealing with things that aren't planned or structured, I knew this prompt would be interesting to write about. I often get frustrated and can shut down when plans have to change or are changed last minute especially if I'm the one who planned it. Of course, I've learned as I've gotten older to regulate my emotions when these things happen to avoid complete meltdowns but that doesn't mean it's easy. I had to completely change my idea for my final project and I only have two weeks until I have to be completely done with it things are not going how I planned at all and it has taken a lot to stay calm and not completely give up my idea. I also realized that since I was behind on coursework that would make it even more difficult to focus on my project. I had to change one thing or another, either I would have to downsize my project (absolutely not) or finish all my missing work and pull 4 all-nighters in a row. I chose the latter of course because I am no quitter. So tonight 12/4/23 at 4:36 am, I have finished all the late work for my other classes. This class is the only one I have work for and so I'll be dedicating the rest of my time to it. Which of course wasn't the original plan but it works just as well.
This topic is difficult for me honestly because its something I have always struggled with and continue to. I find myself either dominating conversations or contributing nothing at all. I'm too much to the point of making people uncomfortable, I don't even realize. In my mind i see smiling faces and think "Yes I've done well, the audience is pleased!!" Reality check: everyone is uncomfortable, I've said something shocking/controversial, people are unsure how to react". This has happened to me over and over again. I don't mean this in a self loathing way but I have been like this basically my whole life. Social cues don't hit me until its quite literally too late and I've already done damage to my or someone else's reputation. Its 10 times worse when its someone else's because of course that wasn't intention and someone else has to suffer for my emotional incompetence that I've been trying to fix since I was 8. I've done this a few times in this class as well and unfortyunately my mind goes through a similar thought process each time. Something like this:
-said something entertaining-
I've got the classes's attention!
I have to keep it on me so they'll like me
-said something else entertaining but more extreme this time-
and this repeats until I've reached topics not meant to be discussed in class or to the point no one is amused anymore and its time to get back to work. Yet I'm so caught up in my high I cant see that at all.
Actually as I read over all of this maybe I just didn't receive enough attention as a kid... oops.
At first i was a bit intimated by the idea of building a robot but as soon as i saw we were given a manual and a partner/group i was relieved. My partner was shy and didn't speak much though she took control instantly. I was annoyed at first but i came to understand that there were certain things she didn't understand that i did and vice versa, making our partnership favorable. When we got to choosing the emotions our robot would have i took over on creating the cutest face i could, and this is where we bonded as we both took turns saying "wait no this would be even cuter!" "Omg wait what about this!" "That's perfect" and the grin we shared was priceless to me that was the best part of the whole building of the robot. Overall i enjoyed it, we ran into a few mishaps along the way with building but we figured them out quickly as you saw we were done faster than most. I'm sure if we are to work together in the future we'll make great things.
I unfortunately did not attend this class and did not receive any feedback.
Comfort zones, something we've talked about so much in this class. When I started the class i already had experience with coding despite being not very good at it. my comfort level with it has really stayed the same, it confuses me and amuses me all at once while simultaneously giving me a headache. I enjoy it in the end. My confidence with the laser cutter and Adobe illustrator however... has raised so immensely. I can't wait to continue using these tools even when I'm not part of this class i enjoyed that process so much even tho it gave me an equally as big headache as coding. When I first started working with Adobe illustrator i felt so incredibly awkward i immediately wanted to try to do a different and easier project. Though the reason i kept going at it was not as respectable I'm glad i did anyways because these new skills are some i can keep working at and then eventually put on my resume! Plus 10 for useful points! This class taught me so much, though mostly helping me sharpen skills i already semi learned i appreciate it so much. The maker lab in my highschool does not compare to the one here. The opportunities are endless and my discomfort no longer lingers when i step into the Fimbel lab. I actually feel empowered.
Active Listening is something that as a person with ADHD is very difficult for me. Thoughts coming shooting out of my brain as soon as someone finishes a thought and leave just as quickly. I forget what people say after they say a few sentences afterwards unless i take notes active listening is very difficult wall to climb. The exercise was easier than expected but still difficult as i got distracted by my partners hair color and the windows and Jorje outside. Recently being medicated helps a lot when practicing active listening and it seems more efficient because it lets the person have the freedom to fully flesh out their thoughts without interruption. Though it sometimes feels that I'm being talked "at" instead of being in conversation with them but I suppose that's a childish way of thinking and it'll feel less so like this the more i practice it.
My Main and favorite takeaway is that a Master's in Industrial design is the right direction to go post-graduation. I was concerned at first I didn't quite understand all the aspects or that it wasn't going to be "my thing". But in actuality, it was! Despite all the difficulties experienced in this class I really enjoyed working with you and my classmates. The last project was my pride and joy but also my downfall, 5 nights of <2 hours of sleep wasn't great but I got through it. I was worried by the third night. The wood just wasn't going to cut right and I would be screwed and have no project and I should just give up. I even considered talking to my dean about an incomplete but I decided against it after taking a power nap and realizing I was just tired. Being resilient this semester was especially difficult, but I always looked forward to this class even if I dreaded all my other ones. Thanks so much for class professor.