SATIRE: 7 ways to cope with failing the sat

By Eowyn Holmes

With the SAT coming up at Liberty High School, students are inevitably going to fail. With this, students need reasonable ways to cope with the stress of failing. These are seven ways to cope with failing the SAT.

#1 - Start a support group with others that failed

To create community, consider being the one to speak up about your score by creating a support group. This will make others feel more comfortable to talk about their scores, so everybody will forget that you failed.

#2 - Claim the sun was in your eyes

Everybody knows that people can’t focus and do things well when the sun is in your eyes. If you claim that the sun was in your eyes during the entirety of the test, the people around you will have to believe you.

#3 - Tell everybody you didn’t care anyways

If they don’t believe the sun was in your eyes, you can just simply tell them that you didn’t care about your score anyways. To reinforce this, tell them you didn’t study, and you didn’t want a good score in the first place.

#4 - Write a diss track

To get back at the test and the makers of the test, you can write a diss track and post it on TikTok to go viral. People will see this, and will agree that the SAT is no longer important, so your score won’t matter anyways.

#5 - Get hired at McDonald’s

If you feel like your life is over after failing, you can always just get a job at McDonald’s. McDonald’s hires everybody, so there’s no need to worry about them asking for your score on the SAT.

#6 - Start a podcast to cancel the SAT

If McDonald’s doesn’t hire you for some reason, you can turn to the internet! You and your support group can start a podcast to cancel the SAT. Once #canceltheSAT is trending, you will be credited with the movement and be rich.

#7 - Last resort, adopt a new identity

If all else fails, you can simply move away and find a new identity. You don’t have to worry about your SAT score when you’re in a new country with a new name.

With these ideas, you are sure to find some way to cope with the fact that you will fail. Last year, over 90% of Liberty students failed the SAT, so it is crucial that you prepare yourself to fail.