Satire: are you a swiftie or a swift-ye?

By Finn Kenny

On April 2, 2025 an undisclosed source came out claiming Taylor Swift uses ghostwriters, one of them being the famous Kanye West. The news was covered up by a rampage of "Swifties" attempting to smother the information.

Swift has been allegedly using a ghostwriter since the beginning of her career. People are outraged and distraught by the news, they’re musical hero possibly found to be a fraud.

Former Swiftie, Thomas South, was present when the rampage occurred, and said, “I burnt everything I owned, now I'm living on the streets but it was worth it, I'm a Yeezer [A Kayne West fan] now.” 

“I didn't realize at first why we were there but then we all started chanting, ‘Yeezer!’ ‘Yeezer!’ So I thought we were all in,” South said.

Undisclosed source by the name of “Ye” Kanye stated, “I want that cred for the banger ‘Shake it off’ I dropped those bars, ‘My ex-man brought his new girlfriend she’s like, Oh my God, but I'm just gonna shake,’ I'm a genius.”

Taylor swift responded with, “Oh yeah Kanye might have written ‘Shake it off’ but I wrote ‘Gold digger’ I’ma G for that.”

Taylor Swift impersonator Jessica J Jarobie said, “Now I have to dress up like Kanye! How am I supposed to do that?”

South added, “Wait, wait Kanye is Taylor, Taylor is Kayne, I'm a Sweezer now!”