Creating a Family Treatment Agreement

What is a Treatment Agreement?

According to the Meriam-Webster Dictionary, a social contract is "an actual or hypothetical agreement among the members of an organized society or between a community and its ruler that defines and limits the rights and duties of each." People have been using social contracts for hundreds of years.

Teachers use social contracts, or treatment agreements, in the classroom, and families can use them at home. Students and teachers discuss and agree as a group what appropriate treatment should look like, student to student, student to teacher, and teacher to student. In the home, children and parents/caregivers discuss and agree as a family what appropriate treatment should look like between child to parent, parent to child, and sibling to sibling or family to home.

Print the following Family Treatment Agreement or using a blank sheet of paper, fold it into four sections labeled -

1. Parent to Child/Children

2. Child/Children to Parent

3. Sibling/Sibling (or Family to Home)

4. Make It Right

How to Create a Family Treatment Agreement

Establish Family Values

Collaborate and discuss with your family what your family values are (kindness, compassion, respect, forgiveness, generosity, teamwork, resilience, etc.). It's important to ask your child for their thoughts and input as this develops a sense of ownership and accountability to themselves and others.

Question prompts:

What do you think is most important to your family?
What does kindness/compassion/respect/forgiveness/etc. look like and feel like to you?
What doesn't kindness/compassion/respect/forgiveness/etc. look like or feel like to you?
Can you describe an event that made you feel _______?
Can you describe an event that didn't make you feel __________?

Completing the Sections of the Treatment Agreement

As a family, create 3 – 5 clear agreements that cover a broad range of situations. Focus on what you expect to see and hear.

Use positive, concrete, and specific language.

Examples:

"be nice" → “use helpful words”
"no hitting" → “keep bodies and feelings safe”

More Ideas for Your Family Agreements:

Use polite words like "please" and "thank you"
Be helpful to each other.
Listen and respond respectfully.
Look in each other's eyes when speaking/replying.
Take care of our space by placing items back where they belong.
Fix it if you hurt it or break it.

Make it Right

When making a treatment agreement, it is also a good idea to talk about what will happen when it's broken. As humans, we are imperfect, and when we make mistakes, what are we going to do to make it right?

Examples:

- Apologize

- Talk it out with the person

- Ask for a second chance

- Forgive and move on

TIPS:

Place the agreement in a common area, like on the fridge in the kitchen.
Include drawings or visuals next to each agreement to assist young children.
Ask each family member to sign the agreement to show their commitment.
Engage in family discussions about agreements regularly and celebrate when a family member successfully (and proudly) abides by an agreement.
Agreements can and should change based on your family's experiences and as your child enters different developmental phases and needs change.
Sometimes all your child needs is a reminder and an opportunity for a re-do.

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