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Marriage, Love: and happy endings?

I grew up in a culture that made me feel like I needed to be married and baring children by 24. Family and friends who love me but would continually meet me with statements and questions, "when are you going to be done with school?" "that's a lot of education, but you'll die alone if you don't hurry and find someone." "When are you having kids?" "Don't you want kids, this is the time."  "Once you mature, you'll want children and a husband." "You're so pretty, why aren't you with someone?" "You're too pretty to be alone."
A grandma who once told me "wow you're mom taught you how to work and study, but you can't cook. What a waste, no man is going to want you." And a  mom who would say "I want you to marry a doctor or a lawyer."
Inconsequential statements, but made to make me feel like my value was insignificant if I was not married or baring children. Statements which also made me feel like I needed to marry "the right one."
At times it made me feel small and hurt. I was made to feel like I didn't know what I wanted. I was made to feel like I was immature for not doing what everyone else around me was doing. I was made to feel like I was defying the laws of nature and somehow rebelling with my decisions... Read More

Grit vs. Grind: and learning when it's okay to quit

I was raised in a culture that engraved in me the saying, "winners never quit and quitters never win."

I remember being eight and part of the "monthly trot" era. Our PE coach would have us run, skip, or hop for an extended period of time usually starting at four minutes going up to eight minutes without walking. If we walked, we had to go to a center circle with other "walkers."

At the end of the year students who completed all the monthly trots were awarded awards and recognized. There was always a since of satisfaction coupled with the ability to say "I ran for seven minutes without walking." Part of it had to do with the fact I was always a chubbier kid. As well as a lot of my friends were smaller and struggled, so it made me feel good I could keep up and accomplish something, a lot of other students could not. There was always a since of satisfaction and pride that came with every month.

Recently, I took a job offer and like any new job it was difficult. It was new and it would require a lot of extra hours to really get a handle on it. Days turned into weeks and into months. Instead of feeling that sense of satisfaction like when I was eight and was completing those monthly trots, I was met with frustration. ALL these hours invested, ALL this work, ALL these never ending list of to-do's... I just felt flustered and exhausted that I could not get my bearings.

I kept asking myself "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just enjoy work like I use-to? Why am I struggling to find the resilience that I know I have?"

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The Proposal

Imagine envisioning "the perfect" proposal, but always feeling like it was too far out of reach and believing it could never happen to you.

but God...

It always amazes me how good God is and his faithfulness towards me. Two things that were non-negotiable for me:

1. my moms blessing

2. my family present to celebrate with me

To my delight I received both.

What started off as a "surprise" valentines date turned into so much more. Rey told me he had made reservations at a restaurant in town. He told me to not ask questions and to just come straight from work to his place to get ready because he didn't want us to be late.

I obliged and Friday, February 10, 2023 rolled around.

I was exhausted from work and not in the mood for anything. He graciously and lovingly kept inching me to get ready because we couldn't be "late" for dinner. Every 5 minutes I kept breaking down and crying because of my day at work and I kept fighting him because I wanted to just go to sleep.

At 6:45pm we finally left. I pestered him so he could tell me where we were going. He just kept telling me, "just go with it. It's a surprise." Rey knows I hate surprises. My personality is of someone who needs to be in the know and hates when I can't control something. That night I had neither knowledge nor control.

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