We can all remember what it felt like on the first day of school, or the first day on a new job. Those anxious feelings we experience are caused by the fear of the unknown. It is no wonder that this same reaction is very common when attending your first 12-Step meeting. You most likely have no idea what to expect, how to behave, or what to say at the meeting.

Although the notion of “sharing” your personal story during a meeting is often depicted as the “basic function” of a 12-Step meeting, sharing your thoughts is only one aspect, and newcomers are not required to speak – at all. You are more than welcome to share, but 12-Step meetings are informal. They are not a forum for intrusive questions, meeting expectations or obligations. In fact, listening to others share – rather than feeling obligated to speak – is usually encouraged for newcomers.

Many newcomers may also expect they’ll be bombarded with 12-step obligations during that first meeting. Will they ask you to sign up as a permanent member of the group? Are you supposed to give money to the group? Do you have to join one group and never leave? Fortunately, the actual experience in meetings is actually a pleasant surprise. Read on to learn about what to expect at your first meeting.

Confidentiality and Anonymity:

Ø You do not need to be ashamed of your substance use disorder. It’s important to remember that AA was founded based on the principle of anonymity. Members expect to attend meetings, share their thoughts openly, and not worry about being subject to gossip in their community.

Ø Violating the right to privacy and confidentiality is considered a grave offense by members of the group.

Ø If you happen to run into someone you know at an AA meeting, this can be understandably awkward. You can say hello and visit privately if you wish to do so, but you should not provide any details to other members about how you know this individual.

Fees:

Ø There are no mandatory dues or fees. A collection is often taken at meetings to cover expenses such as coffee and refreshments.

Sponsors:

Ø Recovery meetings rely heavily on sponsors to help keep members accountable for their sobriety, but you’re not assigned a sponsor automatically. You are encouraged to attend several meetings to get a feel for the group and its members before asking someone to be your sponsor. The sponsor-sponsee relationship is decided directly between the two individuals involved.

Ø Your sponsor should be someone who has been sober and working the program for several years. It is important to choose someone who is honest, trustworthy, and open minded. Someone from a background similar to yours may initially make you feel more comfortable, but a sponsor of a different age, race, or socioeconomic background can offer a fresh perspective on the challenges you’re facing building a sober life for yourself.

Crosstalk:

Ø During the meeting, members are advised not to engage in what is termed “cross talk,” meaning that interjecting opinions or advice is highly discouraged.

Ø People who decide to openly share something just want to be heard, not counseled. However, after the meeting there will be an opportunity to share your thoughts directly with the person if they are open to it.

Meetings may have:

Ø A speaker who shares his/her specific story.

Ø A general discussion meeting.

Ø A study meeting where sections of the Big Book are reviewed.

Ø After meetings, it is common for members to stay and socialize with each other. People often find that their fellow members become lifelong sober friends. If you don’t want to socialize, however, you can simply choose to leave after the meeting has ended.

We hope you can feel comfortable to join us on our journey together through recovery!