Talking About Our Emotions Helps Us To Learn

Part 4 of Our Story

We have continuued to think about and share our emotions with each other as we learn math.

Through the process, our students have learned a lot about each other, and gained empathy for all of the emotions that their peers were feeling.

Here are some of the eye-opening conversations that we have been having:

What Do We Do When We Feel Upset & Stuck?

As a group, we were experiencing a lot of emotions as we encountered challenges in learning math. One morning, after a particularly difficult math challenge, we decided to have a conversation about the strategies that we were all using when we were feeling frustrated, upset, and stuck.

We have discovered that the answer is usually in the room. This was definitely true in this conversation. We were all able to learn a lot of different strategies from each other.

Alexa reminds us that, "we are good at supporting each other."

Breiana: "We can take a deep breath and try a different strategy. There are always other ways to solve a problem."

Cameron: "Explain why you’re feeling upset to your partner and then together, with them encouraging you, try again."

Marlee: "You can ask your partner if they’re stuck too. When we feel alone in our feelings it doesn’t feel good but if we know we aren’t alone, it feels better and we can work it out together."

Cassia: "If you do ask your partner you can work together. I’ve noticed adding someone else's thoughts to your thoughts almost always helps to solve the problem."

Jake: "Sometimes I get stuck, especially if my partner is away. I’ll try the same thing over and over and over. I’ve learned I need to stop and give myself time to actually THINK."

Brooklyn: "My dad always suggests that I count to 10 if I’m feeling upset. I do that to reset my mind so I can think clearly."

Lux: "If we’ve tried all the things we can think of, we can always ask another group to help explain it to us."

Paisley: "If you think you can’t do something, tell a friend. They will support you and remind you of what you CAN do."

Alexa: "If you’re stuck and feeling like you don’t know what to do, you can ask your partner if they have suggestions or ask someone else. We’re good at supporting each other."

Breiana: "Remind yourself you’re not alone. Others are probably feeling stuck too. We all have different strengths and challenges. Talking about our emotions like this can really help too. We can better understand how each person is feeling."

Brooklyn: "Look at the positive side of things. Remind yourself of what you can do instead of what you can’t. Like Breiana said, We all have strengths."

A few weeks later, during partner time, two of my students were struggling to solve a math challenge together. I overheard one of them say to the other:

“I don’t know what you’re doing right now! You need to actually explain what you’re thinking to me, not just do it.”

This prompted our next conversation, which I began by asking the question:

What do we do when we are feeling frustrated in collaboration?

Neelyn: "We can go quickly into lashing out at our partner. We need to take a minute to step back and speak respectfully to each other. Just like in life with our friends. It’s important to always be respectful."

Lux: "A couple of times my partner has been annoying. I ignored her behaviour. She got frustrated because I wasn’t reacting. She stopped though then we carried on with the math."

Marlee: "I get frustrated sometimes. I have a lot of thinking to contribute, but don’t always get a chance to share. I need to speak up for myself. Like you say (Mrs. Davis), communication is really important, especially when we are feeling emotional."

Brooklyn: "Sometimes my partner will leave me. I will remind them they need to help. Sometimes we don’t even realize what we are doing or how we affect someone else’s learning."

Alexa: "Stop, think...then speak. Maybe your partner is having a bad morning and there’s a reason they’re frustrated. Maybe you need to listen to them as you’re not collaborating well. We can learn a lot from each other and our feelings and reactions."

Aiden: "Close your eyes and calm yourself down. Then speak respectfully."

Breiana: "Focus on a spot in the room and try to give yourself space to think."

Mason: "Sometimes when I’m trying to explain what I’m doing to my partner, they aren’t listening. I decide to continue on without them. Maybe in those times we need adult help."

Neelyn: "When I get frustrated I start doubting myself. I could start asking my partner questions to see what’s going on. I would remind them that we are here to help each other."

Looking back on this conversation, I now recognize some thinking that we could have leaned into as a group. When Mason shared that sometimes when his partner isn't listening, he decides to "continue on without them." How did his partner feel when he shared that? Did they feel ignored? Left out? Oblivious? He was also thinking that "maybe in those times we need adult help." It is interesting to me that Mason was thinking that he would need to go to the adults in the room to help with this situation. I wonder if other students would also think the same, or if they would have alternate strategies to offer each other?

Also, when Lux shared that when her partner was annoying, she "ignored her behaviour." I wonder how many times my students were using this same strategy. How did her partner feel when she was ignored?

It is obvious to me that these conversations could continue for longer than they did. Although we paused, and put in this time to share and learn from each other, I wonder how much more we could learn if we dedicated even more time to talking about our emotions and how we deal with them? And, is this just as important as the math skills we are learning?

I know that I definitely continue to learn so much from my students. I can take a lot of their lessons and use them in my own life.

When I am feeling frustrated, I can:

Give myself space to think.
Stop, think... then speak.
Close my eyes and calm myself down. Then speak respectfully.
Count to 10 to reset my mind.
Take a deep breath and try another strategy.
Share my emotions and ask others for help if I need to.
Remind myself of what I can do, instead of always focusing on what I can't.

Finally, our conversations aren't always about those times when we struggle. We have also shared our joy-filled emotions. Here is a snippet of a discussion we had as we discussed what we can do to celebrate our successes.

Aiden: "Together we feel so good. We know we had to work hard and think hard and it feels so good when we solve a problem. Especially when we’ve tried different ways."

Ziah: "I was never smart in Math. I never did well, and so I never liked it. Now I know I can’t give up. I feel so good when I get something. I just have to tell you (Mrs. Davis) and even write it by my answer...last time I wrote, “Yay, I got it!”

Hope: "I feel good inside. I’m quieter, so others may not know it, but I feel so good when I know I understand. I feel even better when I can help someone else to understand and feel proud of themselves too."

Rheya: "My partner and I were actually really surprised when we realized we had the same answer as Jake and his partner. We tried so many ways and we thought we were never going to get it. We were so relieved and proud and it was fun to share that feeling together."

Especially after the year that we have all just had, it makes me really happy and proud to have learned with this amazing group of students all year. Listening to them celebrate their learning, it is clear that they have created a safe environment for each other. An environment where they feel comfortable to share their thoughts and feelings with each other, even when it's hard.

And, listening to the joy they have discovered in learning together and supporting each other, in not giving up when things were hard, in helping each other to feel proud, and in sharing their successes with each other, fills me up with so much joy.

Neelyn: “Since we’ve been talking about our emotions in Math, I feel more connected when we are collaborating. I know I’m not alone in my feelings of frustration or being stuck. I feel more comfortable asking questions and admitting when I am feeling lost. I know this will help my learning.”

When Neelyn shared that she knows that she is "not alone in [her] feelings of frustration or being stuck" and that she feels "more comfortable asking questions and admitting when [she] is feeling lost," I know that I am sending my students to middle school with the skills they will need to succeed.

Audre Lord shares that, "Our feelings are our most genuine paths to true knowledge."

I hope that my students will keep thinking and talking about what they are feeling, and the strategies they are using to deal with those emotions, and that they will continue to support each other with all of the big feelings they are having as they begin learning in middle school together.

Having come to the realization that 'math is emotional' later in the year this year, I am excited to start these conversations with my students next year in September. How deep will we be able to go when we begin talking about how our emotions connect to our learning and being earlier in the year? Will we be able to grow our social emotional skills as we learn? What will we teach each other? What will we learn together? I am excited to continue this journey.

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