Penny Holper

By Penny Holper of The Pathfinder

October 1, 2025

 When I look down at the baby pillow that was handcrafted for me, I still feel my mom’s presence. Some people may not hold on to keepsakes. Some people may lose them during life events. Some people might not even have a tiny baby pillow that was handcrafted for them. I was very fortunate to have had a mom who sat down and handcrafted me a tiny baby pillow for me. She was a loving mom and a good mom. I am the youngest of four kids. I have kept that pillow for forty-eight years now and it resides where I reside. My mom was a crafty woman and a seamstress. She sat down while pregnant with each of us kids and crafted something that was from her heart to show us that she loved us. And I can feel the love in that tiny baby pillow that was handcrafted just for me.

 My tiny baby pillow that was handcrafted for me by my mom is white, with a yellow ribbon that borders the bottom, it meant so much to me as a little girl.  It has A stitched at the top left corner, B stitched on the top right corner, C stitched on the bottom left corner, D stitched on the bottom right corner and a yellow silk bear in the middle and it still means so much to me as an adult. It still smells like my mom’s perfume after all these years, even after numerous washes. I think I will keep this little pillow forever and hope that my daughter does as well, after I pass it on to her.

I have kept that tiny baby pillow since my mom gave it to me when I became an adult. I did not use it for that many years and when I had outgrown it, my mom stored it away for me for safekeeping. When she gave it to me, in my mid-twenties, I used it to just place it on shelves, like a knick-knack. I have used it for my little baby nieces and nephews over the years, I have used it for my pets, and I now have given it to my own daughter who now uses it too. I had offered my pillow to comfort them with something soft and little to lay their heads on. It comforted me for a few years when I was young and just knowing that it was made of love by my mom, made it even more special for me. I was thrilled to share it with the ones I loved, whether it be humans or animals. I could tell when they were using that tiny pillow that it comforted them. They would have their little mouths turn up just a notch while they slept. I think I know what they were dreaming, and I believe that pillow aided that. I can’t help but wonder if my mom’s scent and smell did the same to them as it had done to me: comfort them.

 I remember when I was very young and still using that baby pillow handcrafted for me by my mom and how I could smell my mom’s perfume on it. I remember when it started to become too small for me, and I wanted a bigger pillow instead, how I felt like I was becoming a big kid. I used to drag it around the house with it in one hand and my dolly in the other, just in case I needed to lay down for a nap because I played so hard that I would just nap right there where I had gotten tired. One time, I took it outside and dropped it in a mud puddle and I got upset by this because I thought it was ruined, and I may have to throw it away. But my mom assured me that it was okay and just needed a thorough wash. I used to have tea parties with my dollies and bring my baby pillow to them because it was just the right size for them and they smiled back at me with their frozen smiles, I knew they loved my pillow too.

 Every time I see, touch, or smell that baby pillow that my mom handcrafted for me, I think about the times she sat next to my bed reading a book at night before going to sleep, or how she told me wonderful stories as my imagination ran wild trying to visualize the story in my head. I felt comforted because I had my head on that pillow while listening to her beautiful voice that only belonged to her. Even though now that I am much older and middle-aged, when I look at that tiny baby pillow, I can still smell my mom’s scent, and I can still hear her beautiful voice. The pillow is a little more worn now, but it’s still well loved and still in use by my daughter, who I hope will someday pass it along to her children. I read to her and tell bedtime stories as she lays her head on that pillow. It fills my heart with so much joy and love that my heart feels so full and content. Sometimes when I also lay my head next to my daughter and catch the whiff of that perfume, the smell of mom, a tear will roll down my cheek and make me miss my mom so much and wish to go back to much simpler times; like when mom would sit in her chair and crochet for hours while I used her feet to place my pillow on and lay my head while listening to her telling me stories or humming a song. I hope that my daughter will hang onto this pillow and share these memories as she grows. Even if she doesn’t have children, she can smell that pillow and hopefully be left with such loving and fond memories such as I have. 

  It might just be a cute little pillow that does not mean anything to anyone else, or maybe they didn’t have someone to handcraft such treasures and memories that they could take with them, in which they would not understand how I feel or what I’m describe. To me, that baby pillow that my mom handcrafted for me forty years ago still lives on in her memory and is very much a big presence in my life to this day. I hope that one day many generations down the line, that little pillow will still be doing what it does best—giving love and comfort to many, many tiny little heads, whether that be an animal or human.