Communicating

Students in middle school and high school are beginning to test their independence. They're starting to make more decisions for themselves regarding things like friends and entertainment. However, they're still not great at regulating their emotions. This can create some moments of tension as you parent them. Here are a few steps to help make communication easier:

1. Listen - you can learn a lot just by listening, even without asking questions. Pay attention to casual or offhand comments about their day—these little details can help guide your conversation and show them you're really listening. 

2. Validate - don't be dismissive about what your teen is facing. Saying "They weren't good enough for you anyways" can downplay the emotions your teen is feeling after a relationship ends. Instead try something like, "Wow. That sounds very hurtful and might be hard to process."

3. Trust - give your teen as many opportunities as possible to earn your trust. Asking them for a favor shows you can rely on them. If your teen knows you have faith in them, they will begin to have faith in themself as well.

4. Don't dictate - while rules are important, whenever possible, work with your teen to establish them. Having conversations about the boundaries set in place will make it easier to abide by them.

5. Do things together - go hiking, bake a cake, watch a movie. It's important to have time together that doesn't involve questions or feels like an interrogation. Making memories builds relationship and helps your teen to know you value your time with them.