Behavior Help

12 Ways a Child's Anxiety Can Shows Up As
Something Else

Anger. The perception of danger, stress or opposition is enough to trigger the fight, flight or freeze response, leave your child angry and without a way to community why.
Difficulty Sleeping. In children, having difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep in one of the hallmark characteristics of anxiety.
Defiance. Unable to communicate is really was is going on, it is easy to interpret the child's defiance as a lack of discipline instead of an attempt to control of a situation where they feel anxious and helpless
Chandeliering. Chandeliering is when a seemingly calm person suddenly flies off the handle for no reason. They have pushed hurt and anxiety so deep for so long that a seemingly innocent comment or event suddenly sends them straight through the chandelier.
Lack of Focus. Children with anxiety are often so caught up with their own thoughts that they do not pay attention to what is going on around them.
Avoidance. Children who are trying to avoid a particular task often end up with experiencing more of whatever it is they are avoiding.
Overplanning. Overplanning and defiance often go hand in hand, in their room cause. Where Anxiety can cause something to take back control through defiant behavior, it can cause other children to overplan for situations where planning is minimal or unnecessary.
Negativity. People with anxiety tend to experience negative thoughts at a much grater intensity than positive ones.
Intolerance of Uncertainty. Children who are anxious struggle to adapt and cope with what they do not know. This creates a high intolerance of what is uncertain. This can lead to further behavior in the home or school.
High Expectations. When children are stressed and are dealing with anxiety, they may have high expectations (sometimes unrealistic) for themselves, including school, work, and sports.
Physical Ailments. When a person (child or adult) has high amounts of stress in their life, it can have a physical toll on their bodies. Which can lead to headaches or stomachaches.
Unable to manage emotions. A heightened state of emotional dysregulation occurs when a child is feeling stressed, anxious, or hopeless. This can result in frequent and sudden moments of crying and difficulty managing emotions.

De-escalation Techniques for Defusing Meltdowns

Don't yell to be heard over a screaming child. When your child is yelling, refrain from making your voice louder so they can hear you. This can create a power struggle between you and your child.
Validate their feelings, not actions. When your child is having a meltdown, sometimes their feelings just need to be validated by their parents. Kids have not yet learned about to appropriately express or identify their emotions yet. Instead of saying "no yelling", try "I see that when your brother takes your car away, that makes you sad". Validating their emotions is an important step in de-escalating behaviors.
Be aware of your body language. When adults are calming down children, they can quickly forget how their body language looks for a child. Things to remember is calm facial expressions (avoid frowning or pursed lips),relaxed arms (steer away from using crossed arms-looks defensive), even tone in your voice (not too loud or fast), no clenched fists, and giving personal space (not too close or standing over them).
Get on your child's level. It is important that when talking with upset children, to get on their level. When you are standing over a child, looking down at them, it gives off a sense of dominance and unwillingness to listen. For little kids you may need to bend down or sit on your legs. It is important to be at eye level.
Silence. Sometimes as parents the best tool you can use is silence. Silence has a calming effect, and can help our bodies relax. Silence is a wonderful way for us to take a step back, find peace, and recharge.
Overusing the word "no". When parents overuse the word "no" it can quickly lose it's meaning for kids. Children also do not like being told what they can't do and will try to do the opposite. Try saying things that they can do, such as "In the restaurant, we need to walk to the bathroom"
Deep breathing exercises. The goal of breathing exercises is to get yourself from “flight, fight or freeze” mode back to “rest and digest” mode. Deep breathing has a physical effect on your body to help you calm down and lower stress. Click here for deep breathing exercises.
Avoid making demands or ultimatums. Kids often struggle to respond well when you are making demands or ultimatums. Such as "clean your room or else your grounded". Although kids need limits and need to listen to their parents, demands given should be done as needed. Instead try providing choices (choices that you are okay with as a parent) to your child.
Don't try to reason. When a child is worked up and is throwing a fit, they are no longer able to understand reason or logic. It is better to wait for them to calm down, before you talk about the behavior.
Respect Personal Space. When a child is upset they need personal space where they A) don't feel adults being confrontational and B) are able to process and make decisions without an adult in their face/personal bubble.
Use a distraction. The use of distraction is a great tool to get a child's mind off of being upset. Try saying "Oh I saw the craziest thing when I was driving to school today", or "I dropped my phone somewhere, can you help me find it?". Anything to change the topic.
Reflective Listening. Sometimes a child just wants to know that someone is listening to them. This is where you are actively listening to what your child is saying. Specifically you are 1) hearing and 2) understanding what the child is communication.
Be non-judgmental. It is important to leave an open mind when listening to a child and handling their behaviors. Keep reminding yourself that just because you don't understand why your child would be upset by ______ (eg. bugs, not getting an addition problem right, loud noises), doesn't mean that it does upset them greatly. We are all impacted by things in different ways.
Movement break. Kids needs to blow off steam, just like adults. Try to get their wiggles and frustration out through a movement break. Click on Yoga & Movement for ideas and videos.
Decrease stimulation. Kids may have behaviors because there is a lot going on around them. Such as noises, too hot or too cold, how something feels, too bright, too much stuff on the walls, too smelly. This can throw kids off, and trigger behaviors because of it. Try to decrease the stimulation to better balance your child.
Ignore. Ignore your child’s demanding behaviors. Respond to your child’s polite requests. Over time, responding only to polite behavior will reinforce the behavior expected.
Calming Visuals. To make your child at ease, or bring them back to a state of calm, try calming visuals. Kids like to look and watch things, and if they can focus on something that is soothing, then they can calm their bodies as well. Check out these videos for visuals, and calming sounds.