Why are people under 5'4 going missing?
By Alan Meyo Xique, Mauricio Ramirez, and Cesar Chavez
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[BREAKING NEWS]
With reports of people worldwide going missing, we have decided to dedicate all 25 hours to figure out why this is happening. People all over the world have been frantic as numbers continue to rise heading into December. Police stations are being flooded with missing persons reports and they have not identified any culprit so far! Our top data analyst Chavv has added a comment “We here at Moggers Inc. have noticed a frightening yet convincing correlation between those of shorter stature and their likelihood of disappearance. We recommend Americans nationwide to keep a close eye on your children and any late bloomers. The Data also demonstrates an exponential increase as we head closer to the holiday season.” Regardless, we recommend you to hold your loved ones close as we wait for these troubling times to pass.
The news of missing people scared us, but not more than losing a friend. We were determined to find the cause. We decided to observe one of these supposed 5’4 “people'' before they went missing. We had to intercept Kevin Mariano before he went missing, we simply couldn’t lose more “people ''! We slowly started to notice him wearing red green and white with buckled shoes. We tried to confront him about his atrocious fits but he declined and started speed walking away! The sound of bells following him claiming that he had to go home and sit on a shelf…? He also traded his moms car for a sled???? We still weren't any closer but we had to know so we intercepted him and he ran again! But this time, we chased and tried to catch his secret on video; however, the footage was deleted by Santa Claus who threatened us by saying we would end up on the naughty list if we did not comply. We did manage to sneak in a quick picture of one of his other workers committing crimes. Stay alert, Neuwirth, your vertically-challenged friends are NOT safe.
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