Homework

Creating the Ultimate "Feel-Loved" Cheat Sheet

Welcome to the world of making your partner feel like the superstar they are! Here’s how to create a "How to Make Me Feel Loved" list that's less about guessing and more about straight-up instructions. Because sometimes, love needs a little user manual.

The Two-Part Process to Creating Your Personalised Love Guide:

Step 1: Make Your List of Love Hits

Each of you gets to jot down all the things that make you feel loved, cared for, and energised by the other person. Don’t hold back—this is your love wishlist! Rank each item from 1 to 10, with 10 being the “if you only do one thing, make it this” level. Organize them in order of importance, so your partner knows where to aim for maximum impact. Bonus points if you write it in third person—it’ll feel like you’re writing their love playbook.

Sample List of Love Demands… er, Requests:

10: Buy her gifts that scream, “I care!” just because you love her—no holiday, no occasion, just vibes.

10: Surprise date night. You plan, she shows up. Everyone wins.

10: Be the captain of Team Togetherness. Take the lead on holidays, family gatherings, and traditions so she can relax and just enjoy the ride.

10: Help her process her morning anxiety or those endless issues with people who don’t have their lives together.

10: Devise schemes for passive income like a business tycoon—her personal Warren Buffett.

10: Be the classic gentleman—opening doors, carrying things, and treating her like the queen she is.

10: Security detail mode: lock the house, be her personal bodyguard, and keep her safe like you’re guarding the crown jewels.

10: Become a full-blown [insert your name] expert. Study her inner world like it’s your PhD thesis.

9: Ballet or opera date, because sometimes a night of culture says “I love you.”

9: Hype up her projects, passions, and weird hobbies like you’re her biggest fan—because you are.

8: Keep that beard soft, or her face will revolt. Trust us on this.

8: When she’s struggling or wants to try something new, don’t just sit there—take charge and make it happen.

7: Master the art of tummy holding. No further explanation needed.

7: Surprise her with food, tea, or just bring home something from Whole Foods that screams “I thought of you.”

7: Post about her awesomeness on Facebook like you’re running her fan page.

6: Plan a romantic getaway with her at the center of every activity.

6: Beautify the house with a little project that’ll make her swoon (or at least smile).

5: Take her shopping on your dime—bonus points if you take her somewhere she actually likes.

5: Slip her little love notes because old-school romance never dies.

3: Whip up a rose petal bath because even the tough ones like a little pampering.

2: Read those “how to be a better partner” books like it’s your new hobby. Self-improvement for the win!

Step 2: The Great Love Exchange

Now, trade lists like you’re swapping secret family recipes. Sit down and discuss each item. Get specific: What does “buy her gifts” mean exactly? Does “date night” mean Netflix and takeout or full red carpet treatment? Then, chat about what you think you already do for your partner—and brace yourself for some real talk about whether it’s actually working. You’re basically going to tell a third party (who’s not there) all the ways you think you’re nailing this relationship thing, and then you’ll get feedback on whether your partner agrees or just thinks you’re delusional.

And there you have it—your personalised love cheat sheets! Now go out there and love like it’s a competitive sport!

Writing a Gratitude Journal (about each other).

“Get a beautiful journal that’s pretty enough for poetry, but sturdy enough to handle your weird jokes and inside references. Every day, write down one thing you’re grateful for about each other. It could be deep (‘You always believe in me’) or delightfully random (‘You didn’t steal my fries today’). No sharing, no snooping. After a year, gift it to each other on your anniversary. It’s like a love letter… written one sweet (or silly) line at a time."

Human Needs

Connection

Belonging

Trust

Prioritisation

Empathy

Presence

Affection

Words of affirmation

Communication

Sex

Emotional Support

Physical Support

Expression

Sharing one’s feelings, emotions, thoughts with others

Co-regulation

Contact comfort

Attention

Sense of community

Love

Warmth

Social warmth

Intimacy

Quality Time

Gifts

Companionship

Commitment

To Feel Wanted and Needed

Relational Security (safe in our relationships)

Protection

Feel Valued and Appreciated

This is a small list of non-negotiable needs for human wellbeing.

When these needs aren’t met, we don’t simply “get over it.” We starve. And when we starve, we find ways to cope with the pain — shopping, gaming, alcohol, eating, manipulating, numbing, smoking, distracting, or isolating.

Depending on others can feel scary, because it makes us feel powerless. If our needs weren’t met in childhood — or worse, if we were punished for having them — then our adult self often vows to never depend again.

But independence has become an illness. The fastest way to unhappiness is pretending you don’t need anyone. The truth is, human beings are wired to depend on one another. When you deny your needs, you deny life.

When you acknowledge your needs and find safe ways to meet them, you fill your own tank. And when your tank is full, you have more to give — more patience, more presence, more love — to your partner, your children, your family, and your community.

The question is not “Do I need?” but “What’s missing, and what 1% step can I take to meet it?”

• Could I communicate this need gently with my partner?

• Could I open up a little more with a friend? Or get a pet?

• Could I allow myself to receive professional support?

• Could I join an activity that meets my missing needs?

Sometimes, it’s as simple as finding the right place to practice the need you’re missing.

Meeting these needs isn’t selfish. It’s love in practice. We can’t ask our partner to be a Swiss Army Knife and fill up all our needs that previously a whole village provided.

When you take a 1% step toward filling your own tank, you bring more warmth, safety, and life into your relationship.

Examples of Needs and Gentle 1% Solutions:

Connection

• Join a small couples’ group or family-friendly activity.

• Schedule a regular evening walk together.

Belonging

• Share meals with extended family or close friends.

• Start a simple weekly ritual — like Sunday morning pancakes.

Trust

• Try a partner activity that requires teamwork (dancing, hiking, tennis).

• Share truths daily to rebuild trust step by step.

Affection & Touch

• Hugs when leaving and returning home.

• Gentle activities with touch built in (partner yoga, dance, even just hand-holding more often).

Presence

• A no-phones dinner once a week.

• Slow coffee mornings together.

Communication & Expression

• Join a couples’ communication workshop.

• Create a weekly check-in ritual: “What felt good this week? What do we need more of?”

Emotional Support

• Couples’ therapy or a supportive group for parents.

• Commit to listening without fixing for five minutes daily.

Sense of Community

• Family playdates, church groups, neighborhood dinners.

• A shared hobby that gets you around others.

Intimacy & Quality Time

• Schedule date nights, even if they’re simple at-home picnics.

• Practice small, daily moments of closeness (a hand on the back, looking into each other’s eyes before sleep).

Feeling Valued

• Share one thing daily you appreciate about each other.

• Write small notes and leave them where your partner can find them.

Connection

• Join a “bad singers karaoke night” — no talent required, only connection.

• Volunteer to walk shelter dogs (they’ll connect with anyone).

Belonging

• Trivia night team: nothing bonds people like shouting the wrong answer with confidence.

• Board game café — where you learn who really belongs in jail (Monopoly).

Trust

• Rock climbing — literally put your life in someone’s hands.

• Improv comedy group — trust falls but with jokes.

Prioritisation

• Schedule a “you day” once a week (friends can join if they bring snacks).

• Join a cooking club where someone else has to do the dishes.

Empathy

• Book club — but only memoirs, so you practice stepping into other lives.

• Watch sad movies together and pass the tissues (instant empathy gym).

Presence

• Meditation class, or just “slow coffee walks” with a buddy.

• Sign up for salsa — presence required unless you enjoy stepped-on toes.

Affection

• BJJ or wrestling, but call it “strategic hugging.”

• Cat café — unconditional affection with an entry fee.

Words of Affirmation

• Toastmasters (aka: people clap for you no matter what you say).

• Join an online “compliment circle” where you practice giving and receiving praise.

Communication

• Improv group (communication bootcamp disguised as fun).

• Debate club — but make the topics ridiculous (“Pineapple DOES belong on pizza”).

Sex

• Date night club (couples commit to prioritizing intimacy weekly).

• Or for singles: tango. Hot, close, but still clothed.

Emotional Support

• Peer support groups (for literally anything — gaming, parenting, heartbreak).

• Karaoke therapy — sing it out together.

Physical Support

• Join a moving crew for friends. Pizza as currency.

• Partner yoga: being someone’s literal support beam.

Expression

• Stand-up comedy open mic (expression + terror + growth).

• Painting class where no one is allowed to say “I can’t draw.”

Co-regulation

• Breathwork or yoga nidra in a group.

• Choir singing — your nervous systems sync without you noticing.

Attention

• Drama club. Instant spotlight.

• Join a local pub quiz — everyone gets a turn in the hot seat.

Sense of Community

• Community gardening (you + tomatoes + neighbors).

• Join the local “bad runners” club (where finishing is winning).

Love / Warmth / Social Warmth

• Potluck dinners (everyone brings food, everyone leaves full in belly + heart).

• Group sauna or cold plunges — misery and warmth, shared.

Intimacy / Quality Time

• Cooking class together — intimacy over chopping onions.

• “Silent retreats” (weirdly deep intimacy without words).

Gifts

• Random acts of kindness club (give tiny gifts to strangers, watch them melt).

• Secret Santa — but year-round and low-budget.

Companionship

• Dog-walking groups — built-in companionship + cute distractions.

• Hiking clubs — nature + people who’ll share trail mix.

Commitment / To Feel Wanted

• Join a team sport — they need you to show up or they forfeit.

• Choir/band — your note matters.

Relational Security / Protection

• Martial arts club — where you practice protecting and being protected.

• Camping trips — nothing bonds people like bears (hopefully none).

Feel Valued and Appreciated

• Volunteer tutoring — watch someone’s eyes light up because of you.

• Host a monthly “gratitude dinner” where everyone names what they value about each other

Listening to your emotions:

Reflective list of questions designed to help you connect more deeply with your emotions. You can use them individually by journaling or together, to better understand what you’re feeling underneath and communicate from that place with each other:

EMOTIONS REFLECTION GUIDE

ANGER

What am I angry about?
Whom do I blame and why?
What do I feel resentment for and why?
It makes me so mad when _____.
I’m completely fed up with _____.
How do I treat others when I’m angry?
How do I treat myself when I’m angry?
What am I really angry about, deep down?
What does the angry part of me need most right now?
What would be the most loving thing I could do for myself right now?
Additional:
What does my anger protect me from feeling?
What am I afraid would happen if I let go of my anger?
What does my anger want me to know about my boundaries?

SADNESS

What am I sad about?
What have I lost or feel like I’m losing?
What am I mourning or grieving, even if it doesn’t seem obvious?
What or whom do I miss?
Where in my body do I feel the sadness?
What does this sad part of me want to say?
Have I given myself permission to feel this sadness fully?
What is this sadness asking of me?
What would comfort this part of me right now?
What does this sadness want me to remember or honor?
Additional:
When was the first time I remember feeling this kind of sadness?
Is there a younger part of me holding this grief?
What would I say to that younger part if I could sit with them now?

FEAR

What am I afraid of?
What do I imagine might go wrong?
What am I trying to protect myself from?
What do I fear losing?
Is this fear familiar—have I felt it before in my life?
What part of me feels most afraid right now?
What does this part believe about the world or me?
What might happen if I listen to this fear instead of resisting it?
What would help this part of me feel safer?
What inner or outer resource can I call on for support?
Additional:
What would I do if I felt just 10% safer?
What is the fear asking me to pay attention to?
Is the fear protecting something vulnerable or precious inside?

SHAME

What am I ashamed of?
Who taught me to feel shame about this part of myself?
What do I believe this shame says about me?
What is this shame protecting me from?
What does this shamed part need to hear from me now?
If I could speak to myself with compassion, what would I say?
What part of me is afraid of being seen?
What is the cost of carrying this shame?
Is this shame mine to carry—or was it handed to me?
What would it be like to imagine myself free from this shame?

UNDERSTANDING

What am I judging myself for?
What am I blaming myself for?
What do I feel guilty about?
What do I feel ashamed of?
What am I assuming others are thinking about me?
What stories am I telling myself about who I am?
What do I believe this means about me?
What do I wish I could say without being judged?
What feels hard to admit to myself?
What would it be like to be gentle with myself right now?
Additional:
What part of me carries the burden of self-judgment?
Who taught me to treat myself this way?
What would I say to a friend if they felt this way about themselves?
What does the part I reject most in me actually need from me?
What would it feel like to be truly seen—by myself?

LOVE

What do I really want?
What am I yearning for?
What am I craving to receive?
What am I hoping to feel?
What does the softest part of me need right now?
What would feel really nourishing right now?
What kind of care do I wish someone would give me?
What kind of words do I long to hear?
If someone really saw me, what would I want them to understand?
If I could give myself the love I’m seeking, what would that look like?
Additional:
What part of me is most longing for connection right now?
What keeps me from receiving love fully?
If I fully trusted I was loved, what might change in me?
What does my heart feel like it’s been waiting for?
If I could give my inner child one moment of unconditional love, what would I do or say?

Recommended Apps:

The Work - https://thework.com/the-work-app/
Free Support - https://chatgpt.com/
Spice up your relationship therapy by asking ChatGPT to roleplay as Esther Perel or Richard Schwartz. Yep—Dr. IFS himself. Have it guide you both or individually through a couples IFS session, but demand 20+ questions per step so you can pick the ones that match your emotional bandwidth that day. Low-energy? Pick the soft ones. Feeling brave? Go full 'inner child meets protector.' Bonus points if you both end up apologizing to a 7-year-old version of yourselves by the end."

Recommended Books:

"No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma & Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model" by Richard Schwartz

- Focuses on healing trauma and self-discovery using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model.
"You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships" by Richard Schwartz
- Explores the application of IFS to improve intimate relationships.
"Relationship Workbook for Couples" by Linda Hill
- A practical guide to enhance communication, trust, intimacy, and conflict resolution in relationships.
"99 Dates To Remember: The Couples Adventure Guide" by Jennifer A Ocean
- Offers creative date ideas to help couples reconnect and create memorable experiences.
"The Fair Play Deck: A Couple's Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What's Important" by Eve Rodsky
- A card deck designed to help couples balance responsibilities and communicate effectively.
"Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex" by Michael Todd
- A Christian perspective on building strong, healthy relationships.
"Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Sue Johnson
- Presents a model for creating stronger emotional connections through seven essential conversations.
"30 Day Relationship Challenge: 600 Questions to a Deeper Connection" by Sophia Moore
- A workbook with questions and activities aimed at deepening connection in relationships.
"The Anatomy of Loneliness: How to Find Your Way Back to Connection" by Teal Swan
- Explores the roots of loneliness and provides strategies for reconnecting with others and oneself.

Recommended Channels:

The Holistic Psychologist - Focuses on self-healing, trauma recovery, and conscious relationships.
Leon Hendrix - Covers self-improvement, relationships, and personal growth.
Travis Goodman - Offers content related to mental health, self-discovery, and emotional intelligence.
Teal Swan - Discusses topics like emotional healing, self-awareness, and spirituality.
Jimmy on Relationships - Focuses on improving relationships through better communication and understanding.
Matthias J Barker - Covers mental health, personal growth, and overcoming emotional challenges.
Esther Perel - Renowned therapist who explores intimacy, relationships, and human connection.
Rian Doris - Discusses topics around peak performance, personal development, and psychology.
Psych2go - Simplifies psychology concepts with animated videos on mental health, relationships, and self-improvement.
Dropping In Podcast - Features discussions on mindfulness, wellness, and self-improvement.
Charisma on Command - Focuses on developing charisma, social skills, and effective communication.
Tony Robbins Live - Personal development and motivational content from renowned life coach Tony Robbins.
Clark Kegley - Self-improvement, productivity tips, and personal growth strategies.
The Diary Of A CEO - Podcast featuring deep conversations with successful individuals about life, business, and relationships.
Eckhart Tolle - Spiritual teachings on mindfulness, presence, and conscious living.
Dr. Julie - Offers advice on mental health, self-care, and psychological well-being.
Therapy Jeff - Provides insights into therapy, mental health, and relationship advice.
Cinema Therapy Show - Analyzes popular movies from a therapeutic perspective to discuss relationship dynamics and psychology.
ADHD Love - Focuses on managing ADHD within relationships and everyday life.

Recommended Youtube Channels:

The Holistic Psychologist - Focuses on self-healing, trauma recovery, and conscious relationships.
Leon Hendrix - Covers self-improvement, relationships, and personal growth.
Travis Goodman - Offers content related to mental health, self-discovery, and emotional intelligence.
Teal Swan - Discusses topics like emotional healing, self-awareness, and spirituality.
Jimmy on Relationships - Focuses on improving relationships through better communication and understanding.
Matthias J Barker - Covers mental health, personal growth, and overcoming emotional challenges.
Esther Perel - Renowned therapist who explores intimacy, relationships, and human connection.
Rian Doris - Discusses topics around peak performance, personal development, and psychology.
Psych2go - Simplifies psychology concepts with animated videos on mental health, relationships, and self-improvement.
Dropping In Podcast - Features discussions on mindfulness, wellness, and self-improvement.
Charisma on Command - Focuses on developing charisma, social skills, and effective communication.
Tony Robbins Live - Personal development and motivational content from renowned life coach Tony Robbins.
Clark Kegley - Self-improvement, productivity tips, and personal growth strategies.
The Diary Of A CEO - Podcast featuring deep conversations with successful individuals about life, business, and relationships.
Eckhart Tolle - Spiritual teachings on mindfulness, presence, and conscious living.
Dr. Julie - Offers advice on mental health, self-care, and psychological well-being.
Therapy Jeff - Provides insights into therapy, mental health, and relationship advice.
Cinema Therapy Show - Analyzes popular movies from a therapeutic perspective to discuss relationship dynamics and psychology.
ADHD Love - Focuses on managing ADHD within relationships and everyday life.
Josh Terry - Shares motivational and mindset content emphasizing clarity, purpose, and authentic self-leadership.
Reid Olson - Explores emotional awareness, inner work, and modern masculinity through reflective short-form content.
We Love You - Shares uplifting, emotionally resonant short-form content about self-worth, love, and hope.
Joe Hudson - The Art of Accomplishment - Integrates emotional awareness, leadership, and spiritual growth through experiential coaching and self-inquiry.

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