This piece was one of the first that I wrote. At the time, it was a lighter interlude to some of the more serious pieces. I put it about halfway through the final work for a break before some of the heavier pieces. However, once I assembled all of the pieces, it suddenly didn't fit. It ruined the momentum of the work and had to go. That being said, I did want to highlight it in this portfolio because it represented a turning point in my writing from the very literal tattoo pieces to the less obvious topics.
I love Ink Master. Well, I love most reality TV, but I LOVE Ink Master. I will now run through my favorite Ink Master moments in no particular order:
In season three, there was a competitor named Mystical Mike. He was mystical as hell. If by mystical you mean bad at tattoos. He was the worst tattoo artist there, by far. In the first episode of the season, he was in the bottom because he did his tattoo in one color: monochromatic blue. Why? He only brought one tattoo machine to the competition. Apparently, this is a huge faux pas in the tattoo world. I did not know this before watching the episode. Anyway, he stuck around for a few weeks. In the second or third episode, he got into a fight with one of the three female contestants that season. He made some very crude comments about his penis. He went home that week. He made for good TV.
The final challenge on Ink Master is always a 35 hour tattoo. The contestants are sent “master canvases” who are essentially just idiots who will let the contestants tattoo whatever the f*ck they want on their bodies. Usually, the contestants choose to do massive back pieces of topless ladies. Why topless ladies? I don’t know. One season, a woman named Tatu Baby wanted to tattoo a slightly offensive tattoo of a topless Native American woman on her master canvas. The canvas left because he thought that it was tacky to have a random woman tattooed on his back. After a full season of people tattooing New School pinup girls and American Traditional boobs, someone finally had the sense to put their foot down and say that it’s tacky. Who knew that a random Florida man would be the voice of reason?
In season 4, Kyle Dunbar fought one of the judges. Like physically. Over fucking tattoos. Tensions had been building for weeks (the judge was being pretty awful to him during critiques, to be fair to Kyle) and in one of the final week’s flash challenges, Kyle fully rushed him and started pushing him around. The producer’s solution: take it outside. So they did. Kyle pushed him a few more times and yelled some nasty stuff and that was it. Kyle didn’t come back after that. As a fight, it was a bit underwhelming. It kinda resembled the fight in my calc class in February. A few pushes, some yelling, no consequences. Imagine if stuff like that happened on Great British Bake Off. Like if someone tried to beat up Prue Leith because she said their cake was claggy.
There was one guy, Joshua, and everyone hated him. There’s one of those every season, but in Joshua's season, the hatred was next level. And it was kind of deserved. He was a genuinely terrible person. He came from a long line of used car salesmen if that gives you a sense of his deal. He had this talent for making himself the victim, while simultaneously attacking every other contestant. He was a decent tattoo artist, not great, but decent. He stuck around too long, in my opinion. You know that moment when someone goes from being good TV to just infuriating? He reached that point after one episode. In his last few weeks on the show, he ended up in the bottom a lot. But he always made it out. When he would make it through an elimination successfully and return to the loft where the other competitors were, they would all audibly groan. Like in front of him. Even the people who stayed out of all the drama. Like a huge collective “you’ve got to be kidding me” groan. I mean, he sucked, but how do you get to that point where you can’t even hide your hatred anymore? How far do things have to go to get to that point?
The thing about Ink Master is that it’s terrible. It’s genuinely awful. It’s the nastiest parts of the world in one room putting permanent images on people’s bodies. But I keep coming back. It’s more dramatic than anything I’ve ever seen before. I mean, on Ink Master, people regularly yell at the judges. Where else can you see that? Where else can you see a room full of men with testosterone and tension bubbling over? You can’t see it anywhere else. It’s like watching a trainwreck. It’s horrifying, but you can’t look away. I interviewed a contestant from season 10. He said that the producers didn’t pit competitors against each other. Instead, they pitted them against themselves. It’s hard to watch knowing that. There’s something so disgusting and fascinating about Ink Master. It’s my favorite show.