Meet the Counselors

Does you student know you are worried? Express your concern with care and compassion. Use specific examples.  For instance, “I notice you seem to be more withdrawn lately, this doesn’t seem like you. I’m worried about you and I miss when we used to spend time together.” There are guides to having these conversations in the Mental Health page in this website.

Does your student see the concern too? Problem-solve with your student and determine their willingness to make changes or if they view any changes in their behavior as well. Your student may not think you have noticed a change or say it is not a big deal. Ask your student what would be helpful to them, and genuinely be open to their ideas.

Bottom line, if students aren’t able to see themselves as having a problem, the harder it might be to get them to make changes.  This is why concrete examples are useful (using “I” statements).

Don't be afraid to get help! You know your student best. Trust your gut if you feel like something isn't right or you're worried. Reach out to your student's school counselor as a place to start. We can problem solve with you and help get you to any other support you may need.

Oh! This can be a hard one! Friendships are so important to adolescents, and for good reason.

Express your concern to your student with care and compassion.  A softer approach will decrease the likelihood of them responding with defensiveness.  Use concrete examples such as, “it really worries me that your friend is calling you at such odd hours during the night. I like that you have a connection with this friend and I also worry about the way it is impacting you and your other relationships…”

Or, you can use the question strategy. "Tell me what you like about this friend, what makes them a good friend to you?" "Are there things about this friend that aren't your favorite? or make you uncomfortable?" Questions can help open doors to how your student is feeling. Attacking (yes, this is what it can feel like to your student) or judging their friends can generate a lot of feelings. These relationships serve a purpose for them, try and discover what that is!  And remember, you don't have to make these conversations a huge deal. Ask these questions about their solid friends too, the ones they know you like!

These chats might make way for a conversation about how we, as humans, surround ourselves with other people who we want to be like. Our surroundings tend to have a big impact on our own behaviors and habits.

What is your technology use like? That will be the first thing your teen or preteen comments on! And fair enough, it is really important that we model appropriate technology behavior. Yes, adults have different rules, and if you want buy-in from your teens join the club where you can!

Remember, technology is their direct, constant connection to their friends. Students worry about missing the current drama or what their friends are doing. It can cause a lot of anxiety trying to keep up socially on technology. When technology is limited that is often what is stressing your student out.

Try to provide engaging, fun activities for them to choose from that are not on technology, or, are family based technology items such as family movie night.  Technology addiction can be very real- especially when they are unable to see friends face-to-face, adolescents yearn for, and need, that connection with peers.

Getting them off will take time.  Providing “challenges” such as a challenge to forego social media sites (or even just specific ones) for a period of time- while having your student choose which ones and for how long can increase buy-in. When your student has a big reaction to this tech detox it can be a great conversation starter. Do a technology free night at home. Maybe every Wednesday is no technology (adults too), this pushes students to find their hobbies again!

As the parent/guardian you have the option to take away devices if they are becoming hazardous to your student’s mental health (too much usage can increase anxiety & mental stress, while decreasing attention span). Don’t be afraid to set appropriate boundaries while role modeling. Technology is a privilege that you pay for, help students understand how much a phone bill costs. Attach technology time to chores, family contributions or when their work (school) is done.

Take a look at the Social Media page to learn about internet safety, cyberbullying and apps you should definitely know about as parents/guardians.

Here is a secret....they do care! It is human nature to care and to want to do well, fit in and be good at things.

When there appears to be a lack of motivation it often means something is getting in the way.  For instance, many students seem unmotivated when there are other things they are worried about (conflict with friends, things going on at home, etc.).  School often takes a backseat. 

Sometimes students seem apathetic toward school when they are afraid of failure, they might have tendencies of perfectionism and would rather not try at all than try and fail.  For others, they might be afraid to ask for help or worry about appearing “stupid”.  Other times, they are not able to see any relevance in the work they are doing in school.  It doesn’t seem to apply to their lives. In this case, it might be beneficial to have a conversation with the teacher to connect student interests to the content they are learning.

Try to understand the reasons behind this apathy and problem solve with your teen ways to get through it. Something is behind this 'lack of motivation'. What would be helpful from your student's eyes? Try to put yourself inside their little complex brains and see what barriers they are running into with school.

It can also be helpful to see what sorts of things your student is interested in and building up from there.  Some kids love learning about animals, or rocket ships, or sports, the more opportunities we can give for them to discover their unique interests the better.

Older teens tend to be very matter of fact. If they cannot see the benefit in their life right now, there is no point. Remember, adolescents typically have very little forethought. They think as far as what is for dinner tonight, not the long term benefits of education.

School counselors can help here too! Sometimes, our teens are just over being 'nagged' on by their parents! If this is causing regular conflict at home, ask for help!