Homer Varsity Football is Tired of Winning

Homer football’s class of 2022 has not lost a single game since 2016. After years of utter domination, members of the team are simply tired of winning.

“We haven’t felt what it’s like to lose, and part of me misses that,” says Will Dady, captain of the football team. “There’s that crucial period of self-reflection and the dramatic moment of muttering to oneself: never again, which prompts a period of working back stronger.”

Zack Arnold, a senior on the team, says that “I’ve gotten sick of winning; it’s no longer fun seeing the despondent shadows of our opponents trudging off the field. It’s come to the point where we put in our 2nd and 3rd string players and demolish our competition. There’s no variety at all -- we’re just too good.”

Mike Potato, a player on the Cortland Football team, says that “every time we have to play Homer, all I’m asking is to not go into the triple digits.”

The Homer Trojans were last sighted at home steamrolling the Chittenango Bears, 61-14.