The Kiln

James left for the Sierra Nevadas five days ago for a fourteen day backpacking trip. He wanted to do a one hundred and forty mile loop that crested some of California’s highest peaks. He had had perfect weather thus far: dry, warm, sunny, with a breeze all the time. The perfect weather was a stark contrast to his last few weeks: his job, his girlfriend both gone. In a sense, this trip was a spur of the moment decision to find himself and think about his future. On the sixth night an orange dancing light woke him from his exhausted slumber. Black acrid smoke filled his tent and the surrounding forest, the wind fueled the roaring blaze, pushing it closer and closer to James’ tent.

Throwing himself out of his sleeping bag, James seized his belongings and raced away from the flames. He went as far and as fast as his legs could carry him, occasionally glancing at his map, aiming for a road that was about fifteen miles from his camp. He could no longer see the flames and was utterly exhausted from his flight. Setting his alarm, James leaned up against a tree and settled in for a short nap.

His nap was restless, plagued by a recurring dream of the last fight with his ex-girlfriend. Storming into the kitchen, James grabbed a drink out of the fridge and plopped himself in front of the television, waiting for Sam to return home. Upon her arrival, James berated her about the state of the house and the fact that she should have made dinner already.

He barked, “Where were you, and why isn’t dinner cooked?”.

She sighed, “I was out with friends, you could make dinner when you get home from work too ya know.”

This added fuel to his unreasonable fire, and he shouted and yelled at her even more. He hollered at her for what he thought to be an heinous suggestion; it was her place, not his to cook, he said. With that he threw his bottle at the floor and stormed out, barking that it was over and that he would be back for his belongings later.

Crashing branches and splintering trees woke him yet another time; smouldering trees and blazing shrubbery surrounded him once more. Cursing his alarm, which had failed to sound, James grabbed his bag and ran blindly into the night. With flames all around him, James knew he was in a tight spot and that his previous plan of making it to the access road would have to scraped- there was a forty foot wall of bright orange and crimson fire between him and his escape. The raging blaze forced him to run at a diagonal away from the road. He ran for hours, slowly but surely he escaped the flames, resting only to eat, drink, and care for his feet. Due to the heat of the ground, the uneven, debris covered forest floor and his heavy hiking boots, James’ feet had become blistered and mangled hunks of wrinkled and pale flesh. Nearly as mangled as the past he had left behind when he stepped into the woods.

James found a shallow and rocky depression with a spring fed pool. He stopped, took off his boots, ate a snack and drank several water bottles worth of water. He was on the brink of collapse, hiking and running for the better part of six hours had taken its tole on him. He needed rest. Moving to the opposite side of the pool, James found a rock crevice that he could wedge himself in fairly comfortably, and settled in for another nap. He set his phone alarm after checking to make sure the battery was full. Despite his exhausted state, James’ rest was plagued by another recurring dream; his last day at the technology firm where he had worked.

San Franciscan law firms were hostile work environments with high expectations, and little compassion. Employees were expected to put in as many hours as they could until the task at hand was completed and to be fiercely competitive. James was an exemplary employee, he put in the work, wasn’t afraid of doing the dirty work to make things happen and was ruthless with his competition. However, his ruthlessness and temper didn’t always work in his favor. James had just finished his most recent project and was receiving praise from his supervisor for his high quality work. Although 95% of his project was perfect, the supervisor did criticize the project’s timeliness and some aspects of it. He did not take this well. He held it together through the conversation, but when he returned to his desk he was fuming. James destroyed his keyboard and computer monitor in a fit of rage and left the office, his face red with rage. Returning after a long lunch James promptly went up to his boss and quit. He packed his cubicle and departed the office building planning on never walking entering again.

For the third time, James was woken by a crackling blaze and oppressive heat. This time, however, the flames encircled him. The heat was so intense that it had dried up the nearby pool, and was encroaching on his crevice. With no other options left, James opened his pack and unfolded a square of foil. The shiny, blanket sized piece of silver was an afterthought when he was packing, but the fire shelter might just save his life he realized. James unfolded the foil and made a tent like structure over himself, using the natural sides of the ravine as walls and the blanket as a roof. Inside his hopefully fireproof fort, it was pitch black. The most absolute darkness that James had ever been in. As the fire overtook his cavern, the air began to warm, uncomfortably so. The oppressive heat and the absolute darkness was like an oven. James sweltered, and under the heat of the flames, the direness of the situation he began to reflect.

James thought about his life. That was the intended purpose of his trip, but he had yet to do much reflection. He came to the conclusion that he was the root of all of his problems. His volatile and fiery temper created all of the strife he had experienced of late. He thought on how he had cut himself off from his incredible and loving girlfriend, someone who truly cared about him, despite his temperment issues. He had ostracized himself from an office full of like minded people and buried his own promising career. James realized that he needed to change. That it was not the world against him, but it had been him against himself. So he prayed. Not one for religion, it was the most awkward and rambling prayer ever uttered. He asked for forgiveness, he asked for salvation. Inside of that dark, warm, sweaty and now tear filled cavity of darkness, James promised that if he made it out alive he would change.

Eventually the heat, his emotional state, his underlying exhaustion and the slow but sure deprivation of oxygen lulled James to sleep. He slept for hours, dream free, inside that cocoon of soot and ash covered silver. The flames had long since left and now all that remained were coals. James came out from under his tarp after a day had passed, and was in the middle of a cool clear night in the high Sierra Nevadas. The wind had picked up and blown away the smoke, leaving a clear view of the night sky. Thousands of stars above were reflected in the thousands of embers still alight on the ground. There wasn’t a sound on the whole mountain besides the whispers of the wind. James walked out of what used to be the woods that day a new man.

It took hours, especially with the masticated stumps attached to his legs, but James made it to the road. From there, it was another two days to make it back to the nearest town. He never saw a soul the entire way. The fire had been contained so that on the second day, James was walking through lush green subalpine vegetation. Upon arriving in town, James found a hotel, rented a room, and cleaned up. Taking a long shower, James washed of his last 96 hours: ash, soot, dirt, and sweat. From there, he walked the rest of the way to his car and started his drive home.

Hours later, James found himself outside his old shared apartment. He did not realize where he was going while driving. Standing with unreturned keys in hand, he froze. Should I really go back? Would she want me back? Screw it, I made it through a wildfire, I can handle this. No one was home when he entered, but the apartment was a mess and dinner wasn’t cooked. Smiling, he went to work.