Kimochis 7 Keys to Communication

Key 1:  Get someone’s attention: call their name, wait for eye contact, and give a communication tap, if necessary, before speaking.

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Vocabulary for this key:

• Eye Contact: Looking at others’ eyes when listening and talking.

• Communication Tap: A light, gentle tap on the shoulder of another person as a way to get their attention.

Parent Handout

Key 2:  Use a talking tone of voice and volume in helpful

ways instead of a fighting tone of voice.

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Vocabulary for this key:

• Talking Voice: A calm tone of voice, slightly slowed down, at an appropriate volume that conveys respect and self-control.

• Fighting Voice: A loud and hurtful tone of voice that conveys aggressiveness.

• Serious Voice: low, stretched speech that communicates that your message is important. Use a serious voice when you want to send an “I mean it” message without being mean.

Parent Handout

Key 3:  Use helpful, not hurtful, facial expressions and body language, like a talking body and eyes and friendly signals.

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Vocabulary for this key:

• Talking Body: An open and relaxed body that conveys respect and self-control.

• Talking Eyes: Relaxed and calm eyes.

• Fighting Eyes: Squinty, mean eyes and a scary face.

• Serious Eyes: Wide eyes and raised eyebrows that communicate that what you are saying is important. Use serious eyes when you want to send an “I mean it” message without being mean.

• Talking Hand: Put your hand out palm up; use your other hand to tap your open palm; wait patiently for the person to return object; say thank you with eye contact when they do.

• Friendly Signals: Using gestures and words to convey friendliness: eye contact, a head nod, smile, wave, pat on the back.

Parent Handout

Key 4:  Choose words that help rather than hurt (for example, “I feel mad because ...” instead of “I hate it when ...”).

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Vocabulary for this key:

• Helping Words: Positive words that resolve feelings and conflicts.

• Hurtful Words: Negative or loaded words that create upset feelings.

• "Ouch": Said in a soft voice with a hurt facial expression to let someone

• know in a gentle, shame-free way that they hurt your feelings.

Parent Handout

Key 5:  Redo Hurtful Moments  (This Key helps us to remember to own and name our mistakes by apologizing and making things right.)

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Vocabulary for this key:

• Own it: Bravely apologizing for unkind words and actions and taking full responsibility with no excuses; pair with “Name it.”

• Name it:

  1. 1. Describe exactly what you said or did that was not okay.

     2. Explain yourself (“I get bossy when I feel cranky”).

     3. Share a unique quality about yourself (“I talk really fast when I get excited”).

• Redo: To begin again, using more positive words and actions.

Parent Handout

Key 6:  Be kind and forgiving by letting others take a redo when they make a mistake.

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Vocabulary for this key:

• Apologize: To express regret for something said or done.

• Forgive: To let go of resentment, be kind, and let people try again.

Parent Handout

Key 7:  Assume the best of others.

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Vocabulary for this key:

• Assume the best: Training your brain to think the best rather than assuming the worst about what others do and say.

Parent Handout