How to Forgive for Your Emotional Health

Forgiveness isn’t easy. The mind doesn’t easily let go of emotional hurt and pain. It’s part of our drive for self-preservation: when we keep the negative thoughts and feelings alive, they form a barrier between us and the source of the pain. Sometimes, though, self-preservation turns into self-sabotage. When we hang onto our hurt, that’s what we stay focused on.

Forgiveness is key to weakening that barrier and becoming unstuck. Use these tips to foster forgiveness and move forward despite emotional pain:

Know that forgiveness doesn’t mean dismissing what happened to you or even forgetting about it. Quite likely, you’ll never forget. Forgiveness is about shaping your relationship with the other person in this moment and going forward. It’s about choosing how you want your current interactions, thoughts, and feelings to be.

Your mind and body can only hold onto so much. Forgiveness is about deciding what you are going to hold onto right now, in each moment.

Reflect on your values around your relationship with someone who has hurt you. How do you want to be? What do you want the relationship to be like? Plan your actions and your thoughts accordingly. Your emotions will eventually follow suit.

When you consciously and repeatedly make that choice, you lower your barriers and open your heart and arms to the person before you now.