This week, we are thrilled to feature a guest writer, Grade 10 student Ved Nakhwa, in our wellbeing newsletter. Ved’s thought-provoking article, "Why Do 'They' Even Matter?", delves into the importance of finding happiness within yourself and explores how self-worth can shape our perspectives. His insightful reflections remind us to focus on inner fulfillment rather than external validation, a message that resonates deeply with our school community. We are incredibly proud to showcase Ved’s voice and hope his words inspire meaningful conversations.

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'I want to begin with a question: Have you ever experienced something you deeply care about being torn apart by the opinions or judgments of others? Perhaps a comment or an external force diminished your passion. Can I get a show of hands? We live in a world where interpersonal connections and the values they form are increasingly sidelined. Many people remain unaware of how their judgments affect others, lacking the self-awareness to understand the impact they have.

My name is Ved Senan Nakhwa, and today, instead of focusing on the negativity of external forces, I want to explore how we can avoid their influence and move forward.

Erik Erikson’s psychosocial model, drawn from Freud’s stages of development, provides insight into how external forces shape our identity. In Stage 4, Industry vs. Inferiority, children form their identity through achievements and recognition. By Stage 5, Identity vs. Role Confusion, adolescents become increasingly influenced by others’ opinions, leading to insecurity and confusion. Rather than developing a personal sense of self, they start living for others.

I’ve experienced this firsthand. For a time, my intrinsic motivation was driven by comparison. I constantly asked myself, “Why didn’t I do that?” “Why don’t I look like that?” These questions, though born from self-doubt, pushed me to work harder, study more, exercise, and explore—all in an attempt to prove myself. While this drive made me productive, I eventually realized that it was based on external standards, not my own growth. The more I compared myself to others, the more I became detached from my authentic self. I wasn’t living for me—I was living for others.

Comparison can often devolves into self-doubt and insecurity. We begin asking, “Why didn’t I get that?” “Why don’t I look like that?” These questions erode our sense of self and prevent us from developing a true identity. Instead of evolving according to our values, we become trapped by the judgments of others, which stifles our individuality.

To break free from this cycle, we need to cultivate positive curiosity. Rather than asking, “Why didn’t I get that?” ask yourself, “Why do I need to work harder for myself?” or “How will this help me grow?” Similarly, ask, “Why should I care what they think?” These questions help filter out the noise of external influences and allow you to reconnect with your true self.

When we live for others, we open ourselves up to the influence of external entities—peers, influencers, society. This recalls George Orwell’s concept of doublethink in 1984, where contradictory beliefs coexist. We might believe, “You must excel in school to be happy,” but also recognize that happiness isn’t dictated by academic success. This cognitive dissonance, rooted in external pressures, limits our freedom and prevents true self-understanding.

As I distanced myself from others’ judgments, I began to branch off from negative influences. I realized that protecting my inner peace was essential. This allowed me to challenge misconceptions, like the belief that “money can buy happiness.” Happiness, I learned, is found in living authentically, not in meeting the expectations of others.

In truth, I initially planned to conclude with a quote that resonated deeply with me: “Don’t let the noise of others drown out your inner voice.” But I’ve come to understand that our lives are unique, much like DNA. Our definitions of life are subjective, and it’s essential to create our own guiding principles.

So, ask yourself: Who do I think I am? And, more importantly, Why do they even matter?

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