Leadership

Leadership Reflections:

Unity Day 2021

I think that there are a lot of misconceptions about the true definitions of both toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny which encompasses the fact that these two terms aren’t shameful. This is why I really wanted to do a unity day workshop on just so. These terms shouldn’t be used to blame people or as weapons to target individuals for their implicit biases. The reality of the situation is that the vast majority of people subconsciously have these two ideas ingrained into their heads from a very young age. Although hard to come to terms with, I definitely hold my own internalized misogyny tendencies. Little did I realize it at the time, but my overly dramatic hatred for a lot of the stereotypical female interests such as “teen heartthrobs” like One Direction and Justin Bieber, hating the color pink, not wanting to paint my nails or dress super feminine, was me subconsciously not wanting to be associate with females or female qualities. I thought that being like other girls made me weaker. See, toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny aren’t always extremes, like openly hating women or degrading them, it’s frequently microaggressions caused by subconscious biases. When I realized that we all have these tendencies, it became more important to me to have an open mind to changing these tendencies and breaking down these preconceived notions.

It was a challenge, however, managing the expectations of what other people thought our workshop was about. Since a lot of people didn’t understand that toxic masculinity is only referring to repressive types of ideas about male gender roles, such as sexual aggression, violence, and a rejection of emotional expression, not masculinity itself, there was a lot of hesitation from fellow students. People were confused and didn’t understand that toxic masculinity literally defines that masculinity isn’t inherently bad, it is only when it’s taken to these extremes of limiting what it means to be a man is when it is bad. We had groups of guys who were angry that we were allowed to present on this topic because they thought the workshop would be a “shitting on men fest” the entire time. It even went as far as one student who planned on attending the workshop only to criticize us and start a fight. Nevertheless, we had planned extensively to be intentionally non-accusatory, encouraging open conversation and healthy debate. However, after learning our intention of the workshop was not just to “hate on men” and complain about everything wrong they do, people seemed to really engage positively, and even the people that came into it with a negative attitude had good things to say about it afterward. In the workshop, after some definitions, we started with an anonymous heads-up with the purpose of letting everyone healthily analyze our individual biases. Then when everyone lifted their heads up, there would be a tampon or pad that was placed in front of each desk. It was always a good icebreaker but also brought attention to the fact that many of us are ashamed or weirded out by something that half of the population experiences, periods. And this shame is another one of the strange ways that internalize misogyny affects us.

We also talked about the internalized male gaze with examples such as the “girl next door” trope, the over-sexualization of women in social media, movies, literature, and sports especially with regard to uniforms. We talked about slut-shaming, feeling like you can’t partake in an activity because it is too girly, or conversely, too boyish, and the harsh impacts of unrealistic expectations regarding body standards that men and women both face. And to conclude, we had some open discussions about personal experience and the ways we as a community and as individuals, can combat internalized misogyny and toxic masculinity. Leading this workshop was a fantastic way to educate others as well as myself on the ways that internalized misogyny and toxic masculinity subconsciously manifest themselves in all of us, and how to overcome it.

Class President

In my junior year of high school, I was elected co-class president, in which I represented my class in bi-monthly meetings with the community council. I was thrilled to fill this position because I had so many ideas of ways to better the school, make it a more accepting and open-minded space, and for fun community events. However, COVID was also a huge stick in the road that made a lot of the goals we had on the council impossible. After endless quarantines and COVID breakouts on campus, a lot of the school events like prom, stupid night out, and homecoming unfortunately were canceled. However, it also gave us the opportunity to focus on some big issues that our community faced, and that are frankly issues that schools around the globe face, such as lack of attention to mental health, unfair and non-inclusive dress codes, and toxic masculinity. I think it made us re-evaluate the importance of paying attention to mental health and doing everything in our power to promote ways of maintaining a healthy mental state as well as destigmatizing mental health issues. Our team worked on ways that we could make seeking help more accessible, such as spreading the word that we had counselors available and ready to talk all the time, as well as recognizing the signs of when someone is not doing well mentally and how to assist them to get the help they need.

On the council, another thing we worked on was revisions to the dress code. I personally am a huge advocate for less strict dress codes (obviously not including violent or discriminatory language or imagery) because they are very frequently filled with double standards, don’t take into consideration the diversity of body types, and promote the sexualization of women’s bodies. It was really important that we made changes to the code to allow more freedom in the way people dress and that it is more important to let people wear what they are comfortable in. Another very universal issue we dove into was regarding toxic masculinity and the ways it was subconsciously manifested into our school’s community. Some dorms and sports teams were being homophobic, perpetuating the idea that being gay was something negative or unwanted in those environments. Women were being objectified and talked about with very little respect. And there was a lot of shame with expressing emotion, with fear of being perceived as weak. We organized Student Life discussions to meet and talk about these issues and ways our community could combat them. As well as encouraging students to speak up because the school has a no-tolerance policy for discrimination.

I felt like as class president, I was doing my part to contribute to making my community a better place. I think tackling these giant issues as a whole, such as mental health or sexism can be very intimidating. It can be hard to know where to start since everything feels so beyond you. However, I think the best way to make change is if everyone does their little part. Because all of those little changes amount to large-scale shifts in the grand scheme of things.