Equal time for listening and talking

Not long after my girlfriend and I initiated an urban gardening challenge, it evolved far beyond simply cultivating vegetables, fruits, and flowers or revitalizing our home. The project became a profound journey of self-discovery, which revealed our core values and prompted us to redefine the purpose of a garden. What are the reasons why we are doing this. Ultimately, this initiative served as a pilot for better understanding each other and living in harmony with each other.​ We discovered that effective communication including active listening  is of strong importance to strengthen a relationship. Regular check-ins helped align our preferences on what to plant, how much to plant and wher to plant it prevented misunderstandings and fostered teamwork. Our open dialogue improving our ability to make decisions in a team and build resilience.​

Over time, my girlfriend and I began a Sunday morning ritual after breakfast: A simple, structured conversation about our week. We each took turns sharing what we felt was going well, what was not, and what we hoped to change in the coming week. To create space for real listening, we agreed on a rule: Each of us would speak for 10 minutes without interruption while the other simply listened. Then we would switch roles. These listening rounds became small but meaningful exercises in understanding, helping us tune into each other’s perspectives with more attention and care. As we continued this practice, we noticed patterns and differences emerging - including in how we approached gardening. I discovered that I preferred an orderly garden with well-defined borders and clear structure. My girlfriend embraced a looser, more natural style, allowing the plants and even the lawn to grow a little wild. At first, I found this contrast challenging, but gradually I realized that her approach expressed an appreciation for spontaneity and life’s rhythms, while mine reflected a desire for clarity and control. Through these reflections, I also discovered something about myself: I did not want to spend a great deal of time maintaining a garden. I appreciated being surrounded by greenery, yet I preferred something much smaller and closer to home. In the end, I found joy in transforming our apartment balcony into my own modest urban garden - a place for tomatoes, fresh salad, a few herbs, and some flowers. It has become both a retreat and a reminder that growth doesn’t always need to happen on a large scale; sometimes it simply needs attention, care, and balance.