Power With, Not Power Over

Every classroom gives teachers a great deal of structural power. Teachers plan the lesson, ask the questions, evaluate students' work, and assign grades. Teachers pass or fail students and often have the power to remove children from their classrooms. Teachers are older, more educated, and more skilled in the ways of human interaction than their students.

Teachers can use their inherent power to leave their mark on the lives of their students. The mark can be profoundly positive or it can wound students for life. When a teacher uses power for good, wonderful learning can happen. Unfortunately, power is not always used for good. When teachers use power to dominate, that exertion of power over students can be detrimental to everyone in the classroom, including the teacher.

"Power with" is an alternative to "power over". It involves authentic power we develop with students, as opposed to power over, which is coercive power we hold over students to keep them in place. Teachers taking the power with approach practice empathizing with, connecting with, and respecting students.

If we empathize with students, we are more likely to connect with them and less likely to need or want to resort to "power over". Empathy begins with a simple commitment to understand our students, the desire to truly see the world through their eyes. When we commit to understanding our students, we ask more questions of them and of ourselves.

When we see others as objects, we can do terrible things to them simply because we don't recognize that they are real. Of course, we know that they are just as human as we are, but we don't see them having the same feelings as we do. However, when we see people as real, as subjects rather than objects, we see them as fellow human beings. Seeing through empathetic eyes rather than cold dehumanizing eyes transforms our relationships with others. One of the simplest ways to move from being an object to a subject is to have one-on-one conversations.

When we listen to students, we show respect for them, and we reduce behavior problems by encouraging a positive and respectful classroom culture. Listening communicates our belief that students have something worthwhile to say and that they are smart, valuable people. Listening also models respectful behaviors that all people would be wise to demonstrate.

Respecting students, seeing them, communicating that they are "somebody" begins with a deep desire to acknowledge that we see our students as valuable, as people, no matter how old or young, with important ideas and feelings to share. If teachers carefully listen to students, acknowledge their ideas, validate what they say, and stop actions that communicate a lack of respect (sarcasm, singling out students, ridiculing students, cutting students off in midsentence), we can have a profound impact on students.

"Power over" can lead to a vicious, destructive cycle when a teacher tries to force students to act a certain way (by forcefully telling them that they have to do something). That force increases a student's desire to meet his or her need for autonomy (refuse to comply with a forceful command), and the student's resistance increases a teacher's desire for autonomy, so he becomes more forceful (threatening the student with punishment), and on and on.

One way to diffuse this vicious cycle is to ensure that the student-teacher conversation never becomes personal. Effective negotiators keep negotiations from becoming personal by addressing interests rather than positions. If I focus on my position in a negotiation, my goal is to win and make sure you lose. If I focus on my interests, my goal is to find a negotiated solution that best meets both of our interests.