by Senadie De Alwis
Welcome to a simple guide on raising your little one into a polite powerhouse! Read on to uncover research-backed tips, from being a model of politeness to embracing positive reinforcement and maintaining cultural awareness. Let’s get started with the first step:
Be a model
Serve as a role model for your child's language development by demonstrating respectful communication with others and incorporating in your speech the polite words you want them to learn. Children, being keen observers from birth, pick up on the age-appropriate language variations and nuances you make by witnessing your conversations. Furthermore, take a page from the Japanese strategy of "daiben," where you speak on behalf of your child using polite phrases. This approach proves effective, especially for pre-verbal stages or children under two years old. Embrace modeling as a source of language input by consistently using polite words like 'please' and 'thank you', where appropriate, when communicating with your child, a practice observed in many North American households. Your actions become a foundational blueprint for their early learning, encouraging imitation. Simultaneously, encourage your child to observe and imitate older siblings and peers, fostering a well-rounded language development experience.
Instruct and prompt
You can additionally take a more overt approach to instruct your child on what to say and how to speak politely. Studies note that prompting and eliciting responses provide a valuable framework for children to recognize social situations and respond accordingly. Create politeness routines around prompts like “say” or ask “what do you say?”, encouraging your child to either repeat, or reply with, the desired or appropriate word. This technique can be especially effective as your child gains more competence in language use and starts voicing out words. Don’t worry if your child doesn't say it perfectly; it’s all a part of familiarizing them with new words and the contexts in which to use them!
Encourage desired language use through positive reinforcement
Using positive reinforcement is like giving your child a high-five for using good language! When you notice them saying phrases like "please" and "thank you," throw in some praise or a small reward. This creates a positive association with being polite, motivating them to continue such behavior. Studies show how instead of correcting your child for not using polite speech, a positive approach of recognising desired language behaviour proves effective. Moreover, this can be combined with the previous strategy of prompting polite language. In addition to reinforcing the importance of polite speech, it can make your child’s language journey all the more fulfilling and satisfying. A perfect win-win!
Practice Makes Perfect
Finally, encourage your child to practice polite expressions regularly to make good manners their second nature. Engage in role-playing scenarios together, creating situations where they can use polite language. This hands-on approach makes the idea of being polite more real and relatable for them. Importantly, amp up your interactions with your child. The more you engage with them, the more chances they'll have to practice using their Ps and Qs.
Hold on… there are other things to keep in mind…
The universal ‘please’ and ‘thank you’: Not so universal?
Encouraging your child to use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ may not work globally. These two words and even their direct translations in other languages may not universally denote politeness! For instance, in certain South Asian contexts, thanking is not expected among family members and close friends, where using such words would usually indicate a distant relationship. Similarly, another study shows how Japanese mothers insisted that their children use polite words in addressing others, but not when speaking to them; while in contrast American mothers wanted their children to address them with polite words such as ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. This study concluded that these differences reflected the differences between Japanese and American social structure and the nature of the mother-child relationship in each culture. It just goes to show that how you choose to communicate with your child, and what you choose to encourage your child to say in terms of politeness is, and should be, an important factor in their socialization to values in their specific culture.
Encourage more than words
Polite language extends beyond mere verbal niceties. Simply incorporating polite words like "please" and "thank you" may fall short if not accompanied by a considerate tone, mindful body language, and facial expressions. Do remember this when teaching polite language to your child, for them to be a competent socially effective communicator.
All in all, remember it's not just about words. Politeness is a full-body experience. Politeness is also a culture-specific experience that your child needs to learn. As parents, our role is to guide them, create a conducive environment, and let them explore the space of language etiquette. So, worry not; with practice, cultural understanding, and positive reinforcement, your child will soon be using polite language effortlessly. Hope you found these tips useful and, thank you for reading this post!